Hey Dance Mums,
How do you motivate/nuture your dancer? Back row heartbreak?! Especially young dancers? I understand that it is competitive but children also have feelings around these issues?
I am starting to regret not choosing a more fun based school.
I am concerned about her sense of worth and confidence.
She does put in the work! She practises religiously! She knows the dances and she has a beautiful presence on stage. I don’t expect front row - but an opportunity in the middle now and then would be nice.
How do you handle this? Is it the same everywhere?
17 Replies
Absolutely not. Trial other dance schools. Ours has kids who are elite, and ones who have disabilities. Mine has anxiety & they work with her.
My daughter dances for fun, not competition. Admittedly, the competition kids get more public promotion but they are what sell the school. And there's a lot of them. I do notice those kids get more front row time during the concert, but they all get a chance. Otherwise I'd move schools!
Ask on your local FB mums page (anonymously if need be) for suggestions. I know locally to me there is now a fun only dance school with a mixture of styles. Tbh I would have still chosen that over a proper studio.
Thank you your kind reply!
My daughter was invited into the Eloy squad and I am regretting saying yes. The pressure and is extreme for the age group. I just don’t know how to take it off her!
If she's in a competitive or performance squad it will be high pressure. If she's enjoying it, and it's motivating her, just leave her to it. Maybe just ask every now & then how she's enjoying it. If she's getting stressed or upset, then pull her out. She might be loving being in the high level squad!
i did dancing in the 90s, always in the back, my sister the front.
she was a much better dancer, i was more academic, i understood this.
but our dance teacher always said in competitions, we are only as good as our worst dancer and judges look as much at the back as the front lol
i tried hard too, always remembered the new steps from last week when others didn't, i just wasn't as good.
not everyone is made for the front row, i accepted this and still enjoyed my dancing.
I completely understand. I also danced in the 80s and 90s but our teachers absolutely mixed it up a lot more than they seem to where we are now.
I agree that my daughter isn’t a front row dancer but that isn’t based on her dance ability more the acro skills she is lacking. She definitely holds her own enough to be 2nd/3rd row but again I’m not upset she isn’t - but it would be nice to mix it up a little.
Is it bothering her? Or are you noticing? If it's bothering her, move dance schools or stop if it's not fun anymore. If it's just you noticing, leave it
She came home last term one week really distressed. She seems to have moved past it now. But she is only 7. If this is going to affect her confidence I am not sure whether as a parent I make the decision or let it be hers.
Oh god she's only seven, she shouldn't be worried in the least, she shouldn't even notice. Just see how things develop, you say she's good, so she will probably end up in a better row as she gets better. At this point it will only become a thing if you make it a thing and remember young ears are always listening in, be vareful. Don't be so invested at this age, just let things flow. We have to teach how kids that good things come with work, the best achievements are those that are deserved. These types of things build resilience, don't be quick to fix situations like this. Venting frustration on one only occassion is not alarm bells, she can get cranky like all of us. Obviously if she came home every week crying or was being bullied there, completely different situation.
If she ends up pursuing professionally, performers need to have thick skin, auditions and rejection come along with it. That resilience learning starts in these early years. She's obviously got a lot of potential, being in the squad, if she's dedicated, I'm sure she'll be amazing.
This is wrong for 7 year olds, I can't think of any other sport where this would be OK for that age group. I would take her out and put her in a non competitive school until she is at least 10-12.
Every other sport is the same on representative teams. Regional relay teams? Order is based on speed. representative soccer team? It's the amount of play time you get and position. The difference is that this child is in the elite competition team. And kids work really hard to get on them. Taking it off her is cruel unless it's upsetting the CHILD, not the mum.
I did dancing until I was in my 20s. I never got the spotlight in the competition dances because I wasn't the best. I was really good though, and honestly, dances change formation so much it's not like you're standing in the same spot the whole time. And it only looks good if every dancer is tight. Kids that aren't in the spotlight are not unimportant and dancers understand this. If someone is sloppy in any position it ruins the dance and they wouldn't be on the team
Name another sport that is this competitive for 7 year olds? Not talking about a rogue coach. This is unhealthy.
Every sport. It's not about the sport. It's about whether it's a competition elite team (like in this situation) or a fun team.
So there are "elite" teams in every sport for seven year olds?
Of course there is. I was in a professional dance troupe (paid) from 5 years of age and played representative netball on top of that from 7 or 8? How much game time I got or where I was positioned in the choreography was linked to my skills. My kids play sports for fun where time on the field etc is fairer because fun and fitness are the aim. My son has been encouraged (by coaches and scouts, not his father or I) to try out for representative soccer every year since he was 6. He's now 14. He never has because he prefers sports to be fun, not competitive.
If the OPs daughter is unhappy with being on a competition squad and being at the back, she can easily go back to just doing dance for fun. Competitive sporting teams are not for everyone and that's ok.
If she's on a competition team, it's a competitive environment. She will need drive, passion and dedication to succeed. If she wants to dance for fun, take her out of the competition team. It's low pressure and the choreography will likely vary who is in the front more
I would move away from a competition school and find a studio that’s technique focused instead. I would quite literally have a look at the students at the big national schools, and see which studios they came from, then find one of those studios in your state. You will find that the focus is totally different compared to the competition schools. They want the kids to have a solid technical foundation. If you want ballet, look at the two big syllabi, Royal Academy of Dance, and Cecchetti. They have yearly technical competitions in each state, and again by looking at where the dancers are from, it can guide you to the reputable studios.