Hi everyone,
I'll keep it brief and to the point, I need advice. I'm asking, "what would you do?"
Context; I'm a teacher, I chat to my parents in the morning at drop off & also again at pick up.
Issue; I had "new to me" grandparents drop off one of my students for the first time today. They are from the UK (not sure if this is relevant) I met them & chatted briefly about the traffic and other non-important topics when the grandfather made a passing comment as he was leaving about myself and my teacher aides; "oh he'll be fine here with all you pretty ladies." We giggled and left it at that. Then at pick up, again we chatted briefly about topics I can't even recall now for maybe 2 minutes. Before he said to me, "oh, you're a righty little faggot aren't you?" This was in front of all the other parents, etc. I was shocked on the inside thinking (did he really just call me that?) and (maybe it's a cultural phrase used differently to what I've experienced) so I laughed it off and walked to the next parent.
My question, in hindsight, would you be offended? I don't know if he meant it in an offensive way? More of a joke? His wife did seem a little uncomfortable.
Should I mention it to his mum next time? What would you do? If you know something about this term being used differently please let me know, I've googled it and it's all pretty derogatory.
Thanks for any advice!
10 Replies
I'd definitely be offended!!! You are not being sensitive.
I'd speak to the parent quietly and discuss with superiors.
The pretty thing I'd also find offensive but kind of put up with from the older generation. If it had been a young person I wouldn't lol
Agree with other poster sounds offensive I can't imagine a context in what it wouldn't be joke or not. I would speak to the parent about it too maybe they can let him know it's inappropriate
I lived in the UK and my husband is from there too. That comment is way out of context and derogatory and although there is the whole cockney rhyming slang, Mr Taggart means 'faggot'. So I can't even put it down to that really. Its just terribly rude and you should definitely feel uncomfortable.
My inlaws come over for 3 months at a time and do the school run for us, but our expectation is that they respect and pass on any information to us from our son's teachers.
Ask the parent how long they will be staying for (in general conversation) and if he drops a clanger again, say something to him and the parent. You can't stand for it.
I'd pull him up in a naive way. 'oh be careful, that means something quite inappropriate to say at a primary school here!" '
'oh dear, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that means something different to you than it does to me'
Or to the parents, ' jenny's granddad said something quite offensive, I thought I'd check with you it might mean something different where he's from'
' Perhaps you could give him a heads up its really inappropriate to say to a person, especially while surrounded by children!'
From poster; Thank you so much for your comments, glad to see I'm not going crazy thinking I'm being too sensitive. The thing is, I'm petrified I'll just burst into tears if I confront them. I understand this was not personal not my fault, but it doesn't make it easier. Do you think an email would be inappropriate? Not terribly detailed or aggressive or anything, just to bring it to his parents attention? I would much prefer to face them after they got a heads up rather than putting them on the spot at the next drop off. If you were a parent, what would you prefer? Thanks so much for advice.
Honestly, I would say nothing, unless he says something or is inappropriate again. Likely to turn into a big ordeal. And perhaps you even misheard him? I'd wait to see if next time (if you do see him again) he's inappropriate in any way and then bring it up then. Otherwise, let it go.
Why don't you talk to your superiors at work about how to handle it??? That's what they are there for!
I think an email is not the way to go.and agree to approach your coworkers for advice / suggestions on how to handle it.
I don't know if this will help at all, but my mum used to tell us, that her grandpa use to call her "my little faggot" as a term of endearment... maybe it was innocent?
Lots of British are offended by the term Pom yet many Australians use it every day without ever considering they may be causing offence.
I'm Irish and my British in laws are often horrified when I say feck or fecker which in Ireland is a common term of endearment here but they consider it a swear word. My point being we may all speak English but language can be colloquial even in different parts of the same country never mind the other side of the world. Fanny in America means bum here it's a crude word for vagina. Ha ha my mother would be horrified if she went to the states and someone said sit your fanny down here. I very much doubt an old man would intentionally offend the teacher of his grandchild. By bringing this up with him after the event I fear the only thing you will do will be embarrass an old man and make your relationship with the child's parents awkward. Life is way too short for this. By all means if he says something again that you don't understand then ask him to explain what it means. I'm sure he'll be mortified and you'll have a right giggle over it