My partner and I have been together a year. He has 2 kids full time and I have 1 full time.
We don't live together yet but it's on the cards. even though we have only been together a year it feels like a life time. My daughter and I have been excepted into his family with open arms I'm very close with his parents and his sister in law. My 2 year old doesn't have a dad (he was violent) so he is all she knows. And his almost 3 year old and 4 year old barely see their mum as she up and walked out she just decided one day she had done her job as a mum and didn't want to do it any more she has even said this to me. So I'm all the 2 have for the moment. I'm praying she decides to come back to them for their sake with their mother.
But he has been saying he would love to have another child with me!. 6 months ago we had a miscarriage which threw us off as we didn't know I was pregnant we decided the time wasn't right and let our angel go. But I've been so clucky lately. With the kids getting older do you think it's a good time to have a baby. I would hate to have a huge gap and to start all over again. Do you think it's wise to have a baby once we move in together when we haven't been together to long. We spend at lease 5 nights a week together most weeks 6 nights. I wouldn't even know where to start, 4 kids we don't have enough room in the car let alone the 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house and his mortgage to pay.
I guess I'm asking has any one else been in my position. What does it take to have a 4th child. Mentally, physically, financially?
His popped the baby question
His popped the baby question
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Pregnancy, Baby & Toddler, Money
6 Replies
I think wait until you are both officially moved in together and the kids are all settled in and you are in a rhythm financially etc. If it’s right it will be right in 12 months. Living together is different that staying over and there will still be teething problems. The age gap is not what I’d call big if you wait until you’ve settled.
Personally, I would wait until you've moved in together and have given it a few months to settle. I think the 3 little ones need time to get used to the new arrangements because it is going to be quite an upheaval to their usual routines.
In all honestly, if I were in this position I wouldn't consider another baby until we'd lived together for at least a year or 2. There's a potential that you'd end up with 4 kids under 5, that in its self is challenging (I know from experience), that may put a real strain on a relatively new relationship, at least your new living arrangement.
I don't think an age gap is the thing you should be basing your decision on, you need to think it through more practically. Like, who will do the majority of the care and will they manage? Will you cope financially? Do you have enough space or will you need to move to a bigger house? How will this impact the other 3 children at this time?
Of course this is all just my opinion, ultimately it's only a decision you and your partner can make.
I say no. It may all feel perfect now but youre in the honeymoon phase and dont even know reality of living together, not just spending nights together, but joining lives. Sort all that before having a baby for any chance of success.
Hell no, you haven't even lived together yet, plus you are all straight out of relationships.
Also, why isn't he popping the marriage question? I know, I'm a dinosaur, but seriously, I didn't even think popping the baby question was a thing 😂
Money! It takes a lot of money, and probably living together and knowing each other better would be a damn good start. Live together for 12 months, save hard, then see where you're at