I'm having a baby girl in a few weeks. We made the stupid mistake of telling family. Now I am CONSTANTLY getting smart arse comments about me having a daughter.... Background. I am not a girly girl. Never have been. My mum wanted a girly girl and tried dressing me up, sending me to dance lessons, etc and I hated it! Then my 3 sisters came along and she got her girly girls. The running joke in my family is that I should have been born with a penis, because I act more like a boy.
Now I'm getting comments like:
"We had better step in before (my name) ruins her"
"We have to buy all the clothes for her otherwise (my name) will dress her like a boy"
Real nice right? Oh and these are the nicer comments I get
I have a son. He has dolls, a handbag, bangles... he raided my nail polish and painted my nails, my husbands nails and his own, he has a baby... he also plays soccer, helps in the garden, gets dirty, played with his monster trucks and all the "boy" designated activities. Growing up I was always told I couldn't do something or couldn't have something because I am a girl... hell at 29 I still get told that. This is something I have resented my family for my entire life. I will not tell my kids that they cannot do something just because of their gender. Its ridiculous. I get comments that we are turning our son into a fag and we are going to ruin our daughter to.
I. HAVE. ABSOLUTELY. HAD. IT.
I have a lot of anxiety about having a daughter. I relate better with men than I do women. I don't care for fashion, getting my nails done or my hair done. My worry is not being able to find a common interest with her if she grows up liking those things. Which i know is ridiculous! Of course I love her and just like my son, whatever she chooses in life I will be proud of her and support her. But these constant f**king comments are so bad that I'm struggling to bond with her, and is setting my anxiety through the roof!
What the hell so I do?
15 Replies
First of all slap your family members one by one. How arrogant and rude! But them come out of your daydream and either stand up to them and tell them how you feel Or spend less time with them. You've said you weren't allowed to do things you wanted to biased on your gender.. explain your not so narrow minded and letting your son play dress ups or having a doll doesn't mean he is going to be raised a 'fag'. How hateful. Your son most likely has an amazing imagination that has been nurtured by your lack of gender biased activities. As for having a daughter I was petrified, as like you I am not girly. But so far so good! She is 6 months old now and I tend to pass on the frilly dresses and tutu's as they just aren't practical for babies. I guess you just let her lead the way in her interests the same way you have for your son. And if there is something like makeup or hair she is wanting to learn you can at the very least give her the tools and access to someone with knowledge to help her when you cannot. Xx you'll do great!
Nowadays kids just use YouTube if they want to learn anything, I'm sure there's zillions of make up tutorials on there
I have a daughter and expected boys. She is also an introvert and has this amazing personality she is nothing like me but she is teaching me every day. And she does her own thing and she doesnt do what I do and she adores me. There is plenty of common ground in every day life you will find it and you will be amazed by your child Im sorry your family have set you up with this stiff box expectation of what you are and what you can cope with. They are wrong.
I would say something like, I dont need her to be a mini me. She will be her own person but its not nice to hear you say I wont be able to parent this baby.
Tell them to shove their gender stereotypical nonsense up their arses!
It's 2017, this kind of attitude is completely antiquated and offensive. People are much more diverse than that now.
My daughter and I are polar opposites, she's exudes traditional femininity and I definitely do not lol. We still have a beautiful close relationship.
To suggest you'll "ruin" your baby girl is ludicrous and insulting. You are no less capable of raising a daughter than you are a son.
I was TERRIFIED of having a son. I am very girly and I just find boys super difficult to entertain and look after.
I ended up having a girl which I was absolutely stoked about....and she is a total tomboy! I let her do what she wants and play with whatever she wants. Ignore the comments, you'll be fine. She may end up turning out like my daughter haha.
Fuck that, your family sounds horrid.
Don’t worry about not having common ground. Your kids don’t need you to be everything and to like everything for them, so long as you love them and support them (which you’ve clearly said you do) you’ll have a great relationship with her. Like someone else said, it’s not about raising little mini-me’s, it’s about raising kids. Little individual people. Who will be whoever and whatever they want, and it doesn’t matter who you are so long as you love them/support them.
Tell your family to ShUT UP! Ridiculous!
People need to stop with this girl/boy obsession it's absolutely nonsense!
I can guarantee you'll love your child who will happen to have a vagina wether she chooses to be a ballerina or a mechanic, and why can't she be both?!
Fuck that noise. Seriously. Tell them to keep their gender-based bullshit to themselves.
Your baby girl will grow up happy and healthy. She will be shaped by you in some ways, and find her own preferences in others. She may enjoy pink, frilly things or not.
I'm not a "typical" girl either. I like Star Wars and cars and I hate wearing dresses and heels. I do like make up and chick flicks too though. My daughter loves Star Wars and does ballet (something I didn't encourage but I'm glad she loves it). I don't care, as long as she's happy.
We cut our family out. My hubby has ADHD, his family always said we would never cope.
Always a snide remark about how we do things.
We had two 14 months apart.
They are 8 and 7 years old, family have nothing to do with them from when our kids 2 and 3yrs old.
Guess what...we run a successful business, own our home, our kids are happy and healthy, our house usually on the weekend has the kids down the rd and we baby sit every 2nd weekend another 2.
As well as be the preferred babysitter for another 2 families.
I even worked with kids for 6 years.
SIL who was the worst at criticism has 1 toddler and continually whines about how hard it is on Facebook.
Show them that you are AWESOME, it's the best revenge.
Tell your family to back off and relax..you'll play what ever your daughter asks you to and she'll enjoy some things you do so you'll bond in many ways..and when it comes to the more girly stuff (if she's into it) she'll have lots of aunties to dote on her! My niece (15) is a real girly girl and I love watching her dress up my toddler and do her hair... she's happy to play with her brothers but loves all things girly! Stress less about it...your pregnant so your emotions are running high..lol..enjoy your little princess.. :)
Omg you didn't... little princess... pleeeeease 🤦♀️
When I had a boy my mother said it was good, because I’d have no idea what to do with a girl. Well, she raised me, so apparently she didn’t either.
Tell her to back off, and calmly suggest that if she wants to aggressively push harmful stereotypes on your daughter, you’ll be limiting contact.
Distance yourself from the judgemental fuckers!
I moved 2000km away from my family!! My kids are unique, we embrace their differences and as you, believe any one can and should do anything they want.
You are THE best type of mum to be raising a strong independent assertive girl. She will have choices, if she's into barbies, you'll be right there with her, if she's making mud pies, you'll be right there with her.
Please stop focussing on her gender. She is a person. Your person, and you are her parent. I truly believe children choose their parents. There's a reason this little one is coming to you.
I consider myself a feminist and raise my kids (one girl two boys) to be aware of the issues women face. They believe in equality, fairness and justice for all.
PS I fucking hate when people call their girls a little princess, and also all the comments regarding looks/outfits 🤢
At the end of the day, kids develop their own interests, likes and dislikes, whether you participate in those activities yourself or not. Your mum liked all the "girly girl" stuff, you didn't. You developed your own interests and that was just who you were. That was your personality. Your daughter will be the same. The difference being though, you will be supportive and accepting of her interests. Do you know what I mean?
Your family is being very rude and I think you should just cut them off next time and tell them to stop being so offensive. If they get their backs up, say 'well mum I guess you failed as a mother seem as you are the one who raised a non girly girl' 😁