Hi sisters.
Hubby and I have been talking on and off the last 6 months about trying for a 2nd baby. Our son is 4 years old but was a terrible sleeper for 2.5 years so it turned us off a 2nd child for a while (a bit selfish I know).
I'm ready to go for it but hubby seems a bit iffy about it. I think it's because we are set in our ways as a family of 3 and we are both in our mid 30s, so I think if we got another non-sleeper, we'd go crazy.
Due to medical issues it took about 18 months to fall pregnant last time, so if it took that long or longer this time, I'd be more late 30s when I fall pregnant. I know age shouldn't be a factor but I'm still physically getting over the lack of sleep (I'm always exhausted and a good night's sleep doesn't help much).
Last night hubby said "so are we trying for a baby tonight" totally out of the blue, so I was a little excited. But of course we were too bloody tired after Mr 4 took ages to get to sleep.
I'm on the pill, so should I just stop and see where mother nature takes us, or should I double (triple and quadruple) check with hubby first? I'm so worried that we'll get to in a years time and really regret not having a baby now.
Baby Time???
Baby Time???
Posted in:
Pregnancy
3 Replies
Honestly I stopped at one. I always assumed I’d have more. But I’m so glad I stopped at one! Yes, I got clucky etc but that didnt translate to having the energy etc to have another baby. I think awe baby, but then I think holy hell im exhausted now, how would I look after a baby and what I have on my plate now and come out of it a sane person.
It’s NOT selfish to delay having a second child. It’s NOT selfish to stop at one child. In my eyes it’s more selfish to have a child when I wouldn’t cope and everyone is miserable. Children are not owed a sibling, and your child won’t be damaged for not having a sibling.
The only reasons to have a child in my opinion is 1. Both parents can emotionally look after another child, 2 can financially provide for a child, 3 both parents really really want another child.
You need to talk to your partner and take your time. You both sound ambivilant. It sounds like you think you should have a child versus really really wanting one. Keep using protection until you are both on the same page.
It’s absokutely ok to protect what you have now and the people in your family now.
Ensure you both agree to another baby first and foremost, but I’d also recommend you get a thorough health check with a wholistic GP or naturopath. Don’t wait for fatigue and other issues to crop up, a change in diet, a few supplements and some meditation could do wonders
We always wanted heaps of kids but stopped at 4.
First, third and fourth children still have reflux (nope, didn't grow out of it by one like all the drs and paeds said they would...)
Second, third and fourth children have special needs. They are costing us a fortune in therapy as we don't qualify for financial help and I refuse to wait up to 2 years on waiting lists when they need help now.
First, second and fourth children are also highly gifted. I can see that also costing us a fortune in another few years when they outgrow our local small school (my grade 3 son is already working at a grade 5 level in most subjects, we may need to look at changing schools so he can progress. Our school only has 50 students and are going to have issues extending him further in a few years...)
It is not selfish to stop having kids and find happiness and contentment with what you have. It is also not selfish to have more kids. Every family is different, unique.
I suggest getting a babysitter and having a date night with hubby when you are not tired or exhausted. Discuss what you both want, your fears, your hopes, your dreams and go from there.