I left my ex a month ago. We were together for two years. We meet when my daughter was 9 months. He watched her walk talk run say her first words. She called him dad. She thought he was her dad as she has never meet her real one.
She has just got an asthma puffer. He knows and he hasn't messaged me to ask about her.
He hasn't asked about her at all. I saw him a week ago to get my things off him. He said he was going to be home to say good bye to her as he will never be seeing her again. That hurt.
But when I got to his house he didn't even mention her name didn't even ask to see her in the car.
It's killing me knowing he doesn't care about her. He bio dad doesn't and neither does this man that has been with her nearly her whole life.
Why does it kill mw so much. I hate him for it. I really hate him. I fell so sorry for her
Hating my daughters step dad
Hating my daughters step dad
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Loss & Grief, Parenthood Guilt
7 Replies
U need to be honest with her and tell her his not her real dad...it will hurt for a while but she will get over it!
In the long run I think youll appreciate this. I know it hurts now and maybe he could have done it gentler and softer but he would need to take a big step back.
Also, in breakups, you need some time to just be you and him breaking up. Maybe in a few months he will be able to text and ask about her, with kids you need to give it time dont jump to conclusions in the first month.
For now, just focus on yourself and her. Let her know hes not her daddy and he wont be around anymore, and hopefully thats a lesson learnt for next time. But she still has you and thats all she needs.
When I first broke up with my husband who was the father of our children, he wasn’t interested in them. Of course that changed, but men don’t deal with break ups well and I might mention it was his choice to leave. Two years in th scheme of a life time, I think you are both better off to make a clean break. She is young enough to not remember him.
He's trying to protect himself. He's not her dad and he knows that breaking up with you when she's only 2 means she won't see him as a dad in the long run and he has no rights.
Completely agree with this when i split from my sons dad i was the step mum to his daughter from 9mths until 4years old I had to distance myself completely as i had no legal rights to her in anyway even though i helped raise her and did everything a mother would while she stayed with us and i really do care about her i am not her parent and therefore in order to protect myself had to walk away, what can you do in that situation, you are not the parent you have no rights and it doesnt mean you dont care it eats my up that i cant be there for her but i am not her mother and i am not with her dad anymore.
Are you saying you want him to be in her life and have a relationship with her? Maybe you need to let him know this and make sure he knows he can still have access to her. He's just protecting his emotions knowing that legally, he has no rights to her. Him telling you he will never be seeing her again was probably out of hope you will let him know that he could.. and you didn't encourage it.
Just for perspective, one of my close friend's "dad" I found out was not actually her dad. He had been with the mum from 1yo and they split ways at 3yo. He had 50/50 custody of her (all amicable) and whilst not paying child support so to speak, he paid her way a lot :)
I think at the end of the day you need to let him make that decision. Let him know you would like him to be apart of her life but leave that decision to him. To flip the coin it must be hard for him to know he wont see her everyday and legally he has no rights. If he chooses not to be a part of her life you need to accept that and move on. You are lucky in the sense she is young enough now that if he does choose not to continue a relationship with her she wont remember in years to come.