A friend from the past passed away and I'm devastated beyond anything I could have expected.
He was from my teen/twenties so almost 20 years in the past.
Ive never reached out to reconnect, apart from asking where he is and saying hi through friends, but I'm now shattered with grief. I didnt know it would have this impact. Do we grieve every special person from the past? How do we know which ones before its too late.
Grief for past loves
Grief for past loves
Posted in:
Loss & Grief
3 Replies
When I found out a guy I went to high school with died, that effected me more than when my paternal grandparents died.
We weren't best mates or anything but we'd always stop and chat if we ran into each other and we had a bit of a playful banter thing going at school.
Grief is just funny that way, there's no predicting how it will hit you.
I think sometimes it's worse when the death was sudden, unexpected or when that person was still young.
I found out last year an ex boyfriend of mine passed away. Same time line as you. We were going out when I was about 20 and so about 20 years ago. He wasn’t the best boyfriend but I cared about him and I knew he cared about me but he was too toxic to have in my life. When I found out he died I was overwhelmed with grief. I couldn’t understand it. I felt devastated, guilty, regretful so many different emotions and I cried ALOT for weeks. When I finally thought I was moving on I’d come crashing straight back down again. It still hurts a lot even 8 months later but you do learn to live your life again without feeling constant pain. The worst part was I felt so stupid for feeling so sad. I mean I cut him off. What right did I have? But in the end I embraced it and went through the process and. I don’t believe we grieve everyone the same. I’ve thought about that a lot too. I’m not sure if part of your grief is also guilt and regret like me but I’ve decided in future if someone from my past wants to be a part of my present I won’t turn them away. I wish you all the best with your grief and I just wanted to share my story to let you know you are not alone and what you are going through is perfectly normal x
Some thing similar happened me, a past love/friend took his own life. I pray for him, light a candle at our church and took a day to think about him around his birthday. I wondered if I could have done something to help. But slowly I had to realise I couldn't help him. I had to let him go and just remember him with love. Hugs x