To stay or leave?

My partner and I of 12 years have been going through a rough patch the past few years - very up and down.

My partner has recently told me that he cares for me a lot but isn't sure if he loves me anymore. We have 1 child together and 1 child of mine from a previous relationship. We are engaged from 7yrs ago.

He is struggling with a few mental health issues at the moment which I want to support him through and be there for him, afterall, I do love him so so much (he seems to think I dont... which I'm unsure why, I try to show him all the time in big and little ways).

We used to be a solid unit but not so much anymore. We see things differently which causes little arguments to become big arguments.

I'm more uptight because my emotional needs aren't met anymore because he distanced himself and is very withdrawn. I can feel things aren't okay.

He is easily triggered and loses his temper very quickly, not a big communicator and things spiral downwards from there. We have very different communication styles. A lot of projection occurs. Blames me for a lot of things. (e.g. he doesnt know if he sees a future in us because he feels he can't get anywhere with me.. I finished uni 2 years ago, I'm in a new job working more hours/better pay, I pay for rent/bills/private school fees, sports and have done so the past 4 years because he has been in and out of surgery and employment. He has spent 50k of our house deposit money during this time, is unable to find more stable employment - yet I'm the one to blame?)

Recently he has started antidepressants (almost 1 month) and has his first counselling appointment coming up. His antidepressants have helped him feel more content and he is showing more affection lately. However the antidepressants have affected our sex life, we're doing it more now but with no 'ending'. This is starting to mess with both of us. I'm overthinking. He's devastated. There have also been no arguments in a while. Overall, im feeling a lot much happier and want to get things back on track, he seems happier too yet he still tells me he is undecided if he wants to stay or leave. He is hoping counselling will give him a new perspective.

This doesn't sit well with me, it's a very confusing situation to be in. He has even planned out how things will look if he does leave - care arrangements, finances etc. Yet I'm getting mixed messages because we're so much closer than we have been in a few years. He always seems so unsatisfied with life and people though. He has pushed away almost all his mates and now I feel he is doing the same to me.

I don't want to feel like an option. I feel like by staying I am not respecting myself and my self worth and it's showing him it's okay to treat me like this. I want to be with someone that choses me. I want the old us back and I want my family to be together. I admire his honesty because he has never been open in the past, but at the same time I feel crushed that the 1 person I thought should love me unconditionally and who I chose to build a life with, is possibly bailing on me. This is making me feel very insecure, heartbroken and for the first time ever, small waves of jealousy are rolling in.

What do I do? Sit around and wait, or put myself first. It's so hard. I want things to work out for us. And I'm not sure if he just hasn't been into the relationship because of his mental health OR if I'm the cause of his mental health lol.

He feels couples counselling will do more harm than good. I'm willing to crack the nut open and work on myself (I'm not perfect either) and learn more about how we can be better partners for each other. He struggles with vulnerability and avoids this.

I just don't know if im silly to stay in a relationship like this..sometimes I feel like I'm too hopeful or optimistic.

I'm lost in my thoughts and would love to hear someone else's perspective from the ladies or the men! xo

Thanks