Trust and healing

Hey sisterhood!
My husband and I had separated at the beginning of last year and have just recently decided to give our relationship another go. We are happier than we have been in a long time and are committed to making this work but... I need some help on healing and moving on ASAP or else I’ll end up pushing him and my marriage away.

I have to give a back story for you to understand so my apologies that it it long!
During our separation, we went through a couple of periods where we were getting along really well, sleeping together and talking about getting back together but then something would happen and we’d end up back at square one again. This last year was pretty taxing on the both of us. Fast forward to the end of last year and we were getting along better than we ever had in our entire decade long relationship and had also began sleeping together again. I thought we were moving in the direction of getting back together and boy was I so happy! All of a sudden the sex stopped and his visits dramatically shortened each night (we have children together and co-parenting has always been top priority). Shortly after he told me that he thought it was best that he made the call that we should make our separation official as he thought that that was what I wanted but couldn’t say it. I was shocked and devastated and told him that that wasn’t what I wanted. We were the best of friends again? We were being intimate again? I asked if he had met someone but he assured me he hadn’t and would be honest with me if and when that time came. Fast forward a week to the day (Monday) and in my depressed and ‘slightly crazy’ state, I still wasn’t convinced that he hadn’t met someone so I checked his followers and found a girl. I asked about her and he finally confessed. They had been talking over the phone (every day) for only a few weeks but they liked each other and were planning to go on a date that coming weekend. He apologised for lying to me as he was trying not to hurt me further because I was already so hurt. Throughout the week I was still devastated and an absolute train wreck of a person however I asked a lot of questions and tried not to say anything negative about her or their relationship as I really couldn’t blame him so I tried to be as supportive as I could. The last year was hard on both of us and he felt he needed to move on. As hard as that was for me, I couldn’t begrudge him for that.
Fast forward to the day after their date (Monday): he came to visit the kids before heading out to his breakup party. He had some drinks before coming over because he was nervous so he was pretty tipsy. Through tears, I asked how his night was and he told me everything. EVERYTHING. When he was done he started making a lot of comparisons like, “she did this but I like it when you do this because it makes me feel like this” and we talked like this but it wasn’t the same because we talk like this and I like that”. He said he was confused and heart screamed THERE IS HOPE! And there was! I wrote him a special letter and gave it to him on the Wednesday (Xmas eve eve) after reading it he kissed me and said he wanted to give us another go. Yay!!
Now comes the tricky part. He broke up with her that evening but said it was because he wasn’t ready and couldn’t give her what she wanted. I can’t blame her for still contacting him after with questions or trying to get his attention because as far as she knew, he just wasn’t ‘ready’. He was adamant that he would be honest in telling me if she contacted him. That was his choice. Over the next few days he told me when she texted or snapped him but then would only tell me if I asked so that turned into me asking everyday.
In the space of a week, I became insecure about the way I looked (she was the total opposite of me and younger. I’ve seen pictures), sexually insecure (their encounter was also the total opposite of what we do and sounded hella long and raunchy) obsessive with wanting to know if she had contacted him (he said she hadn’t).

He’s been supportive of my constant questions and reassures me when I’m feeling insecure so I started to feel a little better. Until last week when I woke up feeling like something wasn’t right. I went through his phone while he was sleeping (I feel like an absolute wanker for doing it.. believe me!) and found that she had sent him texts a couple nights earlier saying that she knew he didn’t want to be with her but could they be hook up buddies instead because their sex was so amazing. He was good and brushed it off but I was still fuming that he didn’t tell me and again my sexual insecurities went through the roof. He apologised for not telling me and finally told her later that day through texts, that were giving it another go. She was pretty good about it in the response that he showed me. But my mind races. All the texts before the ones I had found had been erased. They were fresh texts. I’ve now lost trust that he will tell me if she’s contacted him and what his responses are. I’ve lost trust that there wasn’t any more after the last ‘good’ one she sent after he told her about us. He said he removed her from his snap friends list and that he can’t see anything of hers yet she can still see his? I tried it out with a friend, that’s not how it works. Yesterday we took selfies together on his snap and I said he should post them (his friends don’t know about us yet) but he didn’t want to incase she saw it because he felt like that was insensitive to her. What now? What about me?!

So! There’s the back story, thank you for sticking around!! Here’s what I need help with please please please: I’ve always loved lingerie and sexting and sexy photos but, knowing that they had sexted makes me nervous when I try and feeling down and insecure when I’m ‘refused’. My mind always go back to what he did with her and if it’s weird for him now. I know he loves me and loves what I do but I’m constantly comparing myself and wondering if his likes have changed now. Like I said, he is patient and supportive of me but I know it’s to a point and even though it’s only been a few weeks, I feel like he’s reaching his point. How to I move on?! I never used to be like this. I don’t want to care anymore and I just want the old me back so I/we can be fully happy again 😔