Surprise pregnancy at 40yrs ! Mum of 2 teenagers with 50 50 shared care.
So, this was 1 in a trillion risk with big fertility issues with my partner , for yrs he had big problems with fertility and told he couldnt have kids. I was half broken also with ectopic 2 yrs ago that almost killed me.
Now i was late with period but didnt think much of it as my dates change and i thought just from stress etc. Anyway. Decided to casually do a test and bam 2 lines. 3 more tests. Nothing denying its positive.
Total shock and early days in thoughts of what life will be like if we continued.
I was 28 yrs last time i had a bub and geez so much older now !!
I have read other stories on here too. But wanted to ask too.
And having friends that have adult kids and almost adult kids, and me starting again , its full of so many fears, excitement, crazy, horrified, happy, unsure ....
I think of life almost free as kids are older and thought about travel and doing random adventures. Then thinking, i had an urge after having my 2 that i wasnt finished... i could see a third. Not quite this far in age gap though lol
Miracle , total fluke and something that needed to happen or total disaster? Too old?
I know its my choice. Its soooooo much to consider 😄 after so long too. Can my body cope. Will it be difficult, dangerous for my health. The unknowns are hard.
25 Replies
No I don’t think any conception is fated or meant to be. I’d say you both were lax in precaution because you felt safe and you now have to think rationally and make a decision.
No. If pregnancies were "meant to be" we wouldn't have miscarriages or stillborns or mothers dying giving birth. There wouldn't be mothers killing their kids. It's not meant to be. It's just happened and now you need to figure out what to do.
No it's not meant to be, it is the result of irresponsible people not taking precautions.
Make a rational decision, based on your current circumstances and don't rely on magical thinking to give you the answers.
You are playing with your life after the last pregnancy, get on contraception.
Wow I’ve noticed most of comments on all questions posted here are negative and quite abrupt then when it goes to Facebook you get a mixture but at least with kindness behind the comment.
I’m currently in the process of trying to fall pregnant with 3rd child, I have a 16 and 14 yr old with previous marriage. I’m 38 and posted on here about my worries of my age and having such a big age gap and all comments were negative then once it went to Facebook I’ve had more honest for and against but all kind replies. I felt quite shitty after reading them on here.
I’ve now made the decision to go ahead and embrace it and if I don’t fall pregnant by the time I’m 40 I’ll go back on the pill.
If it’s a danger to your health and life threatening then I would consider not going through - talk to your doctor about the risks before a decision and your hubbys wishes also need to be considered. Your relationship needs to come first so you are both on the same page for the children you have and may have xx I wish you all the best xx
I agree! There is something about being able to comment anonymously that just turns people into jerks. In most cases if they were in the situation they would not find things so straight forward. Dish it out but can you take your own advice? A little compassion goes a long way when someone isn’t in the best place.parenting is never a walk in the park. Either way decision is for you and your partner.
I had a surprise pregnancy at 41 and was so worried througout my pregnancy. When I spoke to my Doctor she told me they have loads of women having babies in their late 30s, early 40s and to try and enjoy the pregnancy. I have a beautiful little boy and he is the apple of our eye. His siblings adore him, although at times he can be a little annoying to them. I honestly can't imagine our life without him. He has made our family complete and I feel blessed every day. I wish you all the best 💖
If you were planning to have a baby in the last few years then yes, this is a miracle, congratulations 🎉. Your pregnancy 2 years ago would have come with the same factors with age gaps, health. Ectopic pregnancies are dangerous for anyone no matter what the age but plenty of women go on to have healthy pregnancies after one. See your Dr and make sure everything is going ok then discuss with your partner and make a choice together. You both are the only people that know your circumstances and how a baby is going to fit into your world, nobody else can make that choice for you.
I've got two friends who were told they were infertile. Both had unplanned pregancies because they weren't taking birth control seriously. So, no miracle. Just inaccurate medical advice.
To keep the pregnancy? You need to decide that. Get counselling if you need it. As an older mother I can tell you it can get isolating when your friends' kids are grown & they're looking to do other things, while we can't. We did the travel thing before kids so I'm not jealous, but it's a bit difficult sometimes. I won't lie - that child free freedom is awesome.
Health wise it's just statistics. I had mine late 30's & zero problems. No morning sickness or stretch marks, easy births, no tearing, quick recovery. My friend's DD, who's not yet 20, is having major health issues & needs an early ceasar. It's health & genetics. Age increases risks, but doesn't mean you'll have problems.
I know quite a few people who have been told they are infertile and have kids. One just had her 4th. Definitely just inaccurate medical advice and poor sexual education.
Agree. In both cases they were told very young they were 'unlikely' to ever have children, without education on what that means. So, they took that as they were infertile & didn't need to worry about birth control.
From having a health issue (unrelated) I've learned doctors don't know most of the time & just follow textbooks.
Go for it and enjoy the experience. You can still travel, you will only have one baby to take along. How exciting! Don’t stress the health issues. You will be fine and monitored closely.
Sorry but saying don't stress about the health issues is extremely irresponsible! Our health system is overloaded atm so no she most likely won't be monitored that closely. You can't rely on that.
I have recently been here and know exactly how it works. Being monitored closely may mean a few extra appointments through out the pregnancy if anything arises. If you need extra care, you will get it. We don’t live in a 3rd world country. Yes you will be monitored closely it need be. I was fine and so are many other 40 + stressing about something that more than likely isn’t going to happen, will be the cause of issues. I have had health issues with my previous 2, there was no room for stress with my 3rd and it was the best pregnancy with out any issues, even being older.
Glad you were. But as someone who was told my sepsis was just a UTI I don't really have that much faith in our health system.
Congratulations on your surprise..
I’m coming from a different place, My parents had me nearing 40. I am now 40 and my mother passed away almost 7 years ago. My dad is almost 78 and it’s hard looking after him as he’s ageing and alot older than my friends parents are. I do find this a disadvantage 😩 it’s hard. As I have 3 kids myself to look after. You do what’s best for you and your family xxxx.
Then you have people in their 70s who are fit and healthy. My mother passed away at 27 and I was 7, you never know what life has in store for you. My Nan basically bought me up and was amazing and passed away at 92. I hope you have help with your Dad as it can be difficult with an ageing parent. He may be eligible for some support services to help with cleaning etc. Wishing you all the best.
I don't buy into the idea that everything happens for a reason or that some things are meant to be. That's just my personal belief.
That's not to say that you shouldn't or can't continue with this pregnancy if that's what you want. However you do need to think about this pragmatically!
The health implications are something you need to consider closely. I honestly think your fist point of call would be to speak with your doctor for advice.
The lifestyle upheaval is also something you need to consider.
The future is something to consider, too. Don't just think about having a newborn at 40, think about having a 10 year old at 50, think about having a high school senior when you're almost 60...
Good luck and I wish you the best.
It’s not that rare. Lots of women have babies at that age, me included.
Do you think she might be saying rare because her husband has fertility issues?
I am a strong believer in it’s meant to be 😇 some do and some don’t. If this was me, I would count my blessings and enjoy this gift. Take it day by day and look forward to meeting my beautiful little bundle.
That is me.
We are all very different and have different opinions, handle things differently and only you can make this decision. What ever you choose, is the right one for you. There is no wrong or right. It’s what ever you feel in your heart, you have to go with it.
It’s not rare to have kids in your 40’s there is risk to pregnancy at any age. Out of my 4 close friends who have babies in their 40’s over the past 2 years , none had complications. 2 were cesarean and 2 were not. My first pregnancy when I was
younger had complications. All was fine though luckily . My older age pregnancy had no complications. It was only recommended that I have caesarean due to my first pregnancy complications. We always look for the bad. Look for the positives else you’ll worry yourself for nothing.
Or instead of relying on stories on the internet, talk to your doctor about the real risks, per statistics of thousands of geriatric pregnancies.
I'll be honest. No, I don't believe things happen for a reason. Why would a child be raped and murdered for "a reason"?? There's too much bad in the world to believe that IMO.
I don't think it's a 1 in a trillion risk either. In fact it's quite common for people who have been told they have fertility issues to go on and have kids. I know several people this has happened to. I believe this issue just isn't studied enough and so doctors falsely believe a slight oddity in testing means infertile.
I can't tell you what to do regarding the pregnancy as that's for you and your partner to decide. But I wouldn't rely purely on it being "a reason it's happened" to decide. There's so many more factors to consider here and you need to look at both the pros and cons.
Miracle and just go with it, one day at a time.
I had my last baby at 42. I had an 8 and 7 year old at the time. He is an amazing little boy and I honestly cant imagine my life without him in it. He was meant to be and is a blessing to our whole family. He certainly keeps my husband and I on our toes.