Sorry in advance- I need to let this out, because I really feel like I’m going insane!!
Some info for context before I rant and ramble. I have one child from a previous relationship.
Hubby and I have been TTC for almost 4 years now. I’ve had 1 pregnancy (miscarriage) in that time.. my OC is almost 11. We are doing everything right and have a great GP and fertility specialist with us every step of the way.
My rant/ ramble- seeking advice…
How do you deal with people and their fffff opinions and unwarranted advice!!? I’m absolutely raaaaaging atm. I am so sick to death of EVERYONE telling me what i should/ shouldn’t be doing. The ‘oh well you’ve already got one child so it’s not a big issue’ OR ‘well you’ve had a child so your husband must be shooting blanks’ WTF!
‘Don’t stress it’ll happen when it’s supposed to’
And there’s every god damn time we see family ‘are you pregnant yet?’ If I don’t have a drink or I’m feeling unwell ‘oooo are you pregnant’
No I’m fff not but thanks for continuously bringing it up.
Im honestly just angry and bitter towards everyone. I don’t want to go anywhere or talk to anyone because people just can’t keep their mouth shut. My husband has told his family multiple times that it’s an extremely sensitive subject for me so please don’t bring it up. Even with our friends group and my own family. How the hell am I supposed to play nice when it just never ends? It’s rude! It’s ff horrible for me, the very mention of pregnancy makes me want to curl up in a hole and cry forever. It’s hard enough trying to deal with it ourselves and the added pressure and opinions of everyone around us is actually making me feel like I’m going to go insane. Like I’m going to explode.
A very close couple friend have just announced their pregnancy to us and I didn’t even think to say congratulations, my husband responded from the both of us but I haven’t said a word to them, I feel horrible. I don’t want to project my personal issues onto other people but it’s getting harder with every day that goes by. Everything is getting to me and I could just do without hearing about pregnancy, and babies for just one whole day so I can gather my thoughts and get my sh$ together before I end up insane. I’m just about ready to tell everyone to F off if they bring it up to me one more time.
I don’t want to be bitter and angry, how can I really get my point across without being nasty or rude? I don’t want anyone asking me about it and I definitely don’t want their opinions. I have Drs to help me with that. Ughhhhhh 🥲😤😭😔
5 Replies
I'm actually mortified for the people who have said things like this to you. I'm pretty sure some people were never taught that they don't need to verbalise every thought that pops into their heads...
If I were in your shoes, I think I'd just say something direct and to the point every time someone says something insensitive.
You don't have to go into detail, just a simple "This is a painful subject for me so I'd appreciate it if you could keep your opinions to yourself and refrain from bringing it up. That would be great"
Maybe you do need to lose it with them, to let them see how much it affects you.
Maybe you've been too strong and stoic for too long x
Tell them you've stopped trying and you don't want to be asked anymore. If it's so many people not just a few I would even make it a fb post 'Jase and I have decided to stop trying for a second baby as it's too stressful. Please don't ask about it or ask if I'm pregnant, I know you mean well but it's not something I want to talk about, thank you so much.' Hopefully that gets everyone off your back. Nobody needs to know that you're still trying and you will feel a lot less stressed which can only be a good thing. If you do fall pregnant then you can get through the first trimester without anyone looking for signs or guessing. If anyone is still rude enough to say stuff after that just walk away from them, even just go home if you're out. Hopefully they all get the message.
When they bring it up don’t answer. Before it starts just respond by letting them know you’re not up for talking about it and move on.
Just remember when people ask questions it’s an opening to a conversation, so if you’re not interesting in having it (and I don’t blame you!) then don’t even let it begin. If you do, they have to reply somehow and if you keep speaking to them about it they’ll feel comfortable giving their 2 cents.
Definitely need a Doctor, and good on you for recognising that. People don’t realise the impact so you’ll have to change the way you deal with it first . You’ll get there with the right support but it’s ok to ask them not to bring it up either. They won’t know if you don’t say, and sometimes it’ll be several times before it sinks in. Look after you first .