When I met my husband he told me he used to smoke weed….was just a casual thing but increased to all day everyday when he was unhappy in his previous marriage. He also believed it helped with his depression which he has been medicated for since he was 18. When we met he hadn’t touched it in 8months and assured me he had no intention taking it back up. From the beginning I have always been clear that it is not something I will tolerate. Since getting married he has been off and on again with weed. Has promised to give it up because our relationship is more important to him. But it never lasts. I have compromised with I would be ok if it was recreational rather than everyday and it was not to occur on our property (I owned my unit when he moved in).
18 months ago we went to court to get full custody of his son. His child wanted to live with us. The parenting order he signed states he would not use illicit drugs whilst child is in his care. He could not care less about that. Whilst we (including his parents) were away at court he promised all of us that he would never smoke again. 12 months later he tells me he has taken up weed again. But now he is openly smoking at home including in front of his child. I am quite hurt and upset which he knows however has never acknowledged that he has broken his word over never smoking again and not smoking on our property. I have told him that I am unable to ask him to give it up as I get that could cause resentment…it has to come from him. But in the other hand he doesn’t get I could end up being the one who resents him over this. Have spoken to him that if anything is found on our property I can lose my job but he brushes that off with as if the cops would be bothered searching our place for anything. I’ve spoken about the parenting order and he could lose his child (currently 15) but he’s like child isn’t going to say anything to mum as child doesn’t want to live with mum. His parents are no longer on speaking terms with him over this. At Christmas when we were visiting he was smoking in their property (personally I think he should have asked if they were ok with it rather than just doing it). All he did was sleep and smoke. I am actually quite embarrassed that I am married to a druggo (smokes several times a day on weekends) and believe that both neighbours would be able to smell it (he smokes outside….but I have to close our house up…the smell makes me feel sick). And hear the coughing.
Over the years I have seen no difference in his moods from when he is smoking or not smoking. He always had lots of downs. Now that he is regularly smoking I haven’t seen so many of the downs. But I feel so disconnected. And quite hurt that weed takes precedence over me and even over his son. Mind you if the shoe was on the other foot and it was his child’s mother who was doing this and he knew about it there would be hell to pay.
I know I need to sit down and have a good chat with him but if he’s not in the mood to talk then there are angry out bursts and blaming of everyone else and as I have past trauma from things my head gets muddled as I’m trying to avoid confrontation and then I forget what I need to say.
Husband smoking weed - need to vent
Husband smoking weed - need to vent
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
9 Replies
From the beginning I madr it clear it is not something I will tolerate....your words mean NOTHING. He is who he is, you either accept it or move in. Spending your life trying to control the behaviour of your grown ass partner is no way to live. The only person you can control in this life is you.
You will probably not get him to stop by talking to him. He literally has a court order telling him not to use it to have custody of his child and he is still doing it. I think you need to decide if this is something you can learn to live with and by the sounds of it, it is not, or you need to make plans to end the relationship.
Normalising dope smoking in front of a teenager is very irresponsible. High chance he’ll end up smoking too and so the cycle goes.
Yes I agree with that. Child has already been caught with a vape. Which I did say doesn’t surprise me as Dad smokes weed and cigarettes.
Mental health is a serious issue. Sometimes people just cannot cope with life. I am on medical weed, which means my doctor prescribes it to me, I pick it up from any normal pharmacy you pick up other medication from. Weed is no different to taking a antidepressant sometimes people just need that bit of extra help. But what’s different in your partners case is he’s probably getting it from the streets which is full of really harmful chemicals so he wouldn’t really be getting the good effect from the plant itself cause it’s heavily contaminated. I’m not sure if a doctor will prescribe it for mental health issues, I think that’s something that may come into play later on, I take it as I suffer with daily chronic pain and it wasn’t prescribed to me straight away. It has help me tremendously to the point where I no longer have to take antidepressants mental health wise which I didn’t anticipate. Maybe you could ask him to see a doctor who can refer him to another doctor that may be able to prescribe medical weed that is highly regulated and grown properly where he has a legal prescription and it’s monitored so he’s not over doing it. You have a right to feel how you feel but a good compromise could be not asking him to quit as that wouldn’t be right to ask someone to quit and live in depression, anxiety etc that’s no quality of life. He’s not smoking cause he’s soo happy, he’s smoking cause he doesn’t feel good inside himself, he’s self medicating so to ask him to stop and live in pain and be okay with that, I don’t feel would work. But to suggest some help from medical professionals where he’s able to smoke as a medical substance to help him with his symptoms but to also be able to try and find the root cause of what he’s suffering with and find some healing and action steps towards recovery basically. Medical weed does wonders in so many aspects but the stuff from the street is like smoking straight up poison. With a legal script and it being monitored may take so much stress and pressure off yourself and off your partner. As for smoking in front of the kids that shouldn’t even be up for discussion or debate, he should be doing that privately. And you are very warranted in worrying about your job also, again a legal script will put that to bed for you. I’d suggest doing some research and finding a doctor mental health wise that can prescribe it. I’m Australia they call it cannimed. You can download an app called canview where you can order your script in to the local chemist. I hope that helps
Thank you. I would never ask him to quit. I did when we were trying to conceive I asked him to quit (though didn’t push the topic) both weed and cigarettes (he was only smoking weed every now and then at that time) as it was recommended to by every specialist. We have had 13 losses and no bub.
I understand the depression and he did actually make an appointment ..I think with alternaleaf (we are in Australia) he had appointment but he needed to get a letter from his doctor stating he was not a suicidal risk which led to angry outbursts as to how he spent so much on an appointment and then he had to go back and then how long it will take to get any supplies and then it’s going to be so much more expensive than what he’s doing not to mention that his doctor would not be supportive of this path.
However even if you have a marijuana card you have to have a zero limit if you are ever pulled o er for a random breath/drug test.
You would never ask him to quit? That's why he isn't. I wouldn't tolerate a drug addict. They would either stop using or continue their life single.
He will never change! No matter what you say. Get out before he drags you down too.
Your husband isn't going to stop, no matter what you say.
It's up to you, if it's truly a deal breaker for you or not. he doesn't believe it's a deal breaker for you, b because you are still with him.