My husband and I have 4 amazing kids, the youngest is 12 months old. My husband has never been one to get clucky or yearn for a baby- dont get me wrong, our kids were very much wanted by both of us, he just never got that.... need. After our 4th was born, I knew I was done. And I thought he was too, he was wanting to get the snip and everything. However, a few weeks ago he told me he isnt having it done. He said he wants another baby and he is clucky as hell, that he is not ready to close that chapter just yet. I on the other hand.... I am quite happy to move on, to have my own life and be me instead of just a mum like O have been for the past almost 10 years. I feel complete with what we have. Another baby would mean having to upgrade the car, possibly a bigger house although we could fit in our current one and not to mention the long term costs of raising another (which we could manage in all honesty). And then there is my family... fairly sure they would disown us. I know that shouldn't even come into it but my family is a massive part of my life and my main support network and I can't risk losing that.
Having another baby is wonderful in theory, but after 4 we know the reality can be very different. I feel so guilty, like I am depriving my husband of a child he so desperately wants. If we were to have another, i would do it now, as horrible as it sounds I dont want to get out of the baby stage with our 4th only to start all over again (like we have with the others). I dont want my husband to resent me down the track. He has never ever felr this way- this strongly- about having a baby.
Has anyone been in this situation where your other half is yearning but you feel done?
4 Replies
It took along time for myself and hubby to decide to have baby number 3. I honestly would keep having more but my husband was well and turly done. I had to respect his choice even tho I would have another baby tomorrow if I could I respect his choices and understand the reasons. Sometimes just because you feel the need to have another baby doesn't mean you have to act on that.
I agree, we don't always get everything we want and just because we can doesn't mean we should do it either.
Talk about it some more, find out his motivation. Often it's not about babies at all.
Yes! My hubby desperately wants more and I am DONE!!! The only difference is we only have 1 lol. Our son was born with a congenital condition that made him a particularly difficult baby! After being.told that his condition can be hereditary and after a very difficult 8-9 months with him I don't feel like I ever want.to do it to myself again.
Speak to hubby and ask him why he all of a sudden feels.this way. Discuss the pros and con's of another baby considering the effect it would have on your current.children and make a decision together. I don't feel it would be fair.of.you to not consider him in this decision, however I also do not feel it's a.good.idea to have another if after you have considered with your hubby the pros and.con's and.you still feel as though you're done.
Oh and if you're family are the amazing.support you say they are then they'll still be there for.you you and hubby decided to have 10more kids! :)
Its not a sudden thing as such... I have suspected for a while now and he has dropped lots of hints, its only been in the last few weeks that he has openly admitted just how much he is longing for another baby. Which he has never ever done. We have spoken about it a bit, he can't really explain it other than he just doesnt feel complete yet. As for my family, they have never supported any of our pregnancies, although adore the kids. My mum told me straight up when we had our 4th that we are not allowed any more kids and every pregnancy they have made no secret of the fact they think we have made a huge mistake. While I know they would eventually come round to the idea, like they have every other time, i just dont have the energy to deal with the fallout in the mean time.