Finding a single mum life exhausting. I've been a single mum from day one. I wouldnt know any different but its still exhausting and i often wonder what it would be like to have someone to help along the way.
This is my story.
I wake in the morning to my baby wanting a feed. So I pull down my shirt and let her have her breakfast. Then I get up and change her nappy. I then have to put that nappy in the bin rub moisturize on to her eczema and get her dressed. Then something goes wrong she either vomits all over her self or poos her clean nappy so i go and change that nappy or put her in clean clothes. The phone than rings and its my mother telling me she is stressed and can't cope with her divorce any more. I tell her I don't have time to talk this morning she says i dont care about her. My baby starts crying and its only 9 am by this stage.I'm running late for that appointment. There is no time for breakfast no time to do my hair. I strap her in the car eat an apple along the way. I sit through my appointment with her crying if only someone was here to look after her for the hour. I do a quick shop get only the things I need because money tight. I walk past a beautiful little dress hanging in a window, if only i had the money for it but then again if i did i dont have the body i once had. I wonder what it would be like to have two incomes. I get home so exhausted from my day wanting to sit down and relax i then wonder what it would be like to have someone hold her for me while i sit for 10 minutes but i can't because she has started to cry. I give her a feed change her nappy. Strap her to myslef (because if i put her down she will scream) to do some house work. The dogs start braking then to tell me they want a walk. I tell them im tired another day and then feel terrible because that is what I have been saying for the past 3 months. They are starting to look unloved and they were once my whole world. I think to my self if only someone was here so i could make my girls look like the prize show dogs they once were.
I get the house work done text my friend back to say im busy this week reschedule to next week but i did that last week too. The truth is I don't feel like socialising.
Another nappy change more vomit to clean up. This is never ending.
I put away the clean laundry to see my work uniform hanging in the back of the cupboard. The job i worked so hard for the job i was made to give up, i start to feel angry. I want my carrier back.
My mum calls again to tell me she needs my support that i have to stop being mean to her. I am angry i tell her she is selfish this doesn't go down well. I hang up. She calls again i don't answer. I don't have time for her anymore. I turn off my phone.
Night time soon comes and I don't have the energy to cook so I put a pre cooked meal into the microwave and eat it with one hand because I'm holding my baby in the other. I'm getting good at this one arm thing. I then start to think how nice it would be for someone to be here to cook me dinner. I look at the clock his due home about now but he never walks through that door. I then chuck the packaging in the bin at least i don't have dishes to do! Then i get us both undressed to have a shower by showering together this saves me time. I then think how nice it would be to have a shower to my slef if only he was here. I get out of the shower take my medication that i forgot to take in the morning for my depression and the infection i just pick up in my uterus and i sit i just sit i hold my baby close and i cry i burst into tears. Jealousy kicks in he has someone else someone young very young she is beautiful she doesn't have stretch marks or saggy boobs or a bitter out look in life. He has her and left me like this left me not only with a broken heart and soul but a broken face because not only his mouth wasn't kind but neither were his hands. I wonder how he can not care about his family, the beautiful little girl with big blue eyes and red hair that he has never seen. Does he know she has red hair or thick black eyelashes as long as can be. She is a picture. And every one stops us down town and tells me. He has a new girl living with him. They get a dog because he wanted something that was theirs. But he has a daughter. She is more important than a dog isn't she? She starts to cry to so i give her something for the terrible cold she has picked up along the way and we hop into bed I tell her everything will be okay that I love her more than words can describe. I read her a book and she looks at the bright colored pictures she is growing so fast and she is so smart. We saved each others lives. We go to sleep snuggle up together ready for another day tomorrow.
Life as a single mum
Life as a single mum
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Sisterhood Stories
7 Replies
As a single mum from day dot, I'll let you in on a secret.
You've got this, you are going to rock this mummy gig. The first year is the hardest by far. The sleep deprivation, mourning for your body and processing a broken relationship is tough.
Another secret, he doesn't deserve your little girl and you. You are both so much better off without his twisted perverse world. So very much better and any interest from him would make life harder.
What helped me was when people would tell me stuff about my ex I would reply with 'that's not any of my business, so please don't talk to me about him'. I know that sounds odd, but people need to stop gossiping about him to you because it makes you feel worse. It's not helping, so cut them off. You will feel better for it, believe me. You need some space from it.
As to your mum, next time she rings tell her she needs to speak to a counsellor or her doctor if she isn't coping. Then stop answering the phone. Block her number/ put it on silent whatever. Then ring her once a week on your schedule. You are not responsible for her happiness she needs to fix herself. Like you need to focus on you and your baby.
To be blunt, youre heartbroken for him but what youre imagining wouldn't be real.
Try this; spend all day alone, all week, wait for his day off, wait until he's rested, ask him for help to hold the baby while you get something done, he gets annoyed, irrational, angry, you try to do it really quickly- it is very important and youve already waited all week. He comes and puts crying baby next to you and says, oh you're crying so bad and your mums just ignoring you...
He walks out, has some beers, comes back and throws the biggest hissy. You cry and panic and feel shattered and don't know whether to even keep trying this important task, no, forget it now, just hug the baby. But you're ropable, angry, sad, stressed.
That's your day, week, life with the wrong one.
Keep moving forward mentally and emotionally, you will find a happy routine, a happy place. Support, friends, hobbies, balance, FREEDOM INDEPENDENCE AND HAPPINESS. And if it's what you want, a partner who fits in and compliments you.
Exactly
Omg where do you live I would lve to come help you.. screw that looser I have one of them also and your better off without that you will be fine baby steps.xx
As a mummy who has been both a single mum and a partnered mum, you'll always be doing mostly everything for your child and you won't get help whenever you want.
I am not trying to compare, I just don't want you to get it in your head that partnered mums have it so easy and we can get help on hand. We don't. Mothers will always be doing almost everything for our children on our own.
But you can do this, all us mums somehow soldier through. The first year is extremely difficult because your child is so dependent on you. But it does get easier.
As for your mum I would set some boundaries there. Tell her what times she is not to call and how often she can call. She is not your responsibility, your little girl is your responsibility.
As for your ex, fuck him off. He is missing out and that is in no way your fault. My partner grew up with a single mum and he is very appreciative and knows how to treat me. It is not a bad thing growing up with just a mummy.
Good luck momma, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job! Keep it up and hang in there.
This was my life in a nut shell... till my little boy was five and I met an amazing man that took me as his wife and my son as his own. We now have a child together, she completed our family of four ☺. It gets easier I promise. I was 20 and alone and poured my whole excistance into my bubba. I never thought it would end, then I felt so guilty for even thinking that. I'm now reaping the rewards, my boy is the most gentle, kind hearted and emotionally stable young man (almost 10!). He's never met his bio father, he knows he's out there somewhere and who knows he may find him one day. But he also knows and watched his mumma strive to give him everything as well as pour her soul into him. You are amazing, keep your faith as things work in a mysterious way sometimes. You deserve and will someday have an amazing life, I promise. I know it worked out for me xoxox
I spend half my time wishing I was a single mum! I have been there and yes it was hard work but having the partner I have I think it is even harder. We disagree about everything when it comes to the kids, I still spend my days off catching up on washing and running kids to appointments and training and games and shopping and all That crap cos he is a lazy fuck at times.