Please dont post to facebook!
Hi, my sister separated from her her husband 6 months ago and is now living with her 3 kids who are almost 8, 5 and 3. He ex husband has the kids every second weekend for one night, two days. At first she seemed ok but now I feel she is becoming more depressed (already on anti depressants), although she says she isn't. Shes always tired, overweight, unmotivated and her house is a mess. She's struggling with the kids (particularly the youngest 2) who are so messy and are not listening to anything she says. My sister has started a parenting course this week so hoping that she can learn to communicate more effectively with the kids (currently its just yelling and screaming at each other)! So I would love some practical ideas of things I can do to help my sister out. I am thinking I will make some lunches and dinners every fortnight along with some snacks (as Maccas is currently a staple for her & the kids). I can babysit occasionally but its hard with my own 2.5yr old in tow. Is there anything else you can suggest? xx thank you
PS would love some freezable recipe ideas
2 Replies
Thanks for being a good sister.
Is she receiving any counselling? Remember you can only suggest and hope she does it.
Also be careful you don't turn into an enabler. Yes Ive had depression mysef. There is a fine line between helping and enabling. So while it's great that you want to help and the meals are a great idea, don't fall into the trap of doing everything for her.
If the house is a mess it's a mess, unless it's got mouldy food, or dog or cat shit in it its just a mess and it will be fine. Perhaps cook one or two meals a week but don't cook all the meals.
It's a good sign that she is going to a parenting class. Be her cheer squad, but she has to do this.
Kelly here from The Imperfect Mum team, and at your request I won't post to facebook :-)
I do agree with the other person who has written though. I became an enabler for someone and when I could no longer do so, it sent them very angry and the collapsed as that 'crutch' was no longer there.
So yes, good to help - but be aware they don't start expecting it and relying upon it.
I do also agree on the cheer squad. Tell her when she's doing amazing. Look for any little thing to encourage her - especially when her ex is no longer there to do so.
She may also need some company too - as I hear it's when you're alone at night it's most hard. Book in some sister nights to still do grown up stuff. These may even be booked in to give her something to look forward to in coming days :-)
What a beautiful sister you are! I hpoe some more people are able to help with responses - but I think you'll come up with some more amazing ideas!
Big hugs xKelly