Hi IMs, I've just got a little bit of aknowledgment for a lady I saw a couple of weeks ago. She was in family court and was representing herself. My case was seen after her and then she had to come in after me also. You've been in my thoughts daily since I saw you. I've been going through this separation process with a psychopath/sociopath/narcissistic combo for over a year and it's nearly torn me apart. Really, truly and honestly.
This woman, I could see her ex and I could see in his eyes what she was up against. He had representation and she was stood there representing herself (which I will be doing shortly in the next month or so as I cannot pay legal bills) and to that lady, that day, one of the worst in my life and no doubt not one of your favourite days either, you were like a total idol to me. You are so so brave and so so strong. When the judge spoke to you like utter trash as most judges do, you held your own, you stood there and you fought for your children. I just sat there with total admiration for you at how brave and strong you were and how proud your children will be of you one day. Well done, if you get to read this just know that I was right behind you, literally sat behind you but also stood with you in your fight.
You're doing amazing and on those days in the midst of all this when you hide in the toilet and cry or have a mini break down every time you get a letter from his lawyer - just know you are awesome. You can do this, I had every faith in you when I saw you and you gave me a bit of hope that maybe I can do this. I don't feel that brave but you sure showed me how it's done. Thank you.
To the lady in family court.
To the lady in family court.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Sisterhood Stories, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
3 Replies
Fantastic to see such support from strangers. You go girlfriends. X
Right now I am 26 days away from my next court appearance with my son's father who After almost 4 soul crushing years I finally sought helpto leave repaid my bravery by molesting my then 9 year old so between criminal & family court we are looking at our 24th court appearance in 18 months.. lately I have been finding the fight too hard and desperately needed a glimmer of hope n courage to continue... Thank you for giving me that
I am a self represented mum, I have been doing it for years as a lawyer is too damn expensive and agree to things I wouldn't have, it is hard, it is scary but the feeling is amazing/empowering at the end. I travel for up to four hours before a court hearing and then have dress in the toilets and pull myself together before we start! To those that do self represent I have some tips...
Dress up, look the part, you cannot go past a really nice professional dress or pair of pants, chuck on some stockings and do your hair in something up-doy, the better you look the more professional you look the better you will be treated.
Anyone that goes with you for support must also look the part, my mum comes with me and she dresses the part, she carries or holds my bag and anything that I don't immediately need but could need.
Take a briefcase, or a neat bag for your documents and have them in an order that you know, know your stuff well, where it is, what it says etc.
Take notes, have your support person take notes, this will give you something to do instead of just sitting there looking as though you are out of your league and comfort zone.
If you do not understand something, make eye contact with the judge and ask them directly to explain it. I'm pretty sure they like to show off by showing their intelligence but most of all you will be well informed of what they are saying, you will most times not get this from having a lawyer as they automatically assume all who need to knows what they mean.
Big city courts will have pro bono solicitors doing their "community time" if available seek them out as they can and will act for you for free if needed.
Under no circumstances do you react to any underhanded tactics of the other party, my ex runs me down in court and the judge sees it for what it is and is not interested. Don't address it in any document and do not talk about it in court. How you parent is not under the microscope here what is best for the child is.
Agree only to things you are happy with, think it through, offer up any alternatives to any proposal, you cannot just dismiss something you will come across as dismissive and hard to work with. Try to think of the solution before you mention it, it shows you have really thought about it prior to the day. And anything a court sees fit will be given if you cannot give a reasonable explaination as to why it shouldn't be granted.
And above all believe in yourself. The judge and or a lawyer is just another person that is doing their job, just like the person at the petrol station that you pay when you fill your car, or the lady that bagged your groceries, or the lady that cleans the toilets, no one is beneath anyone or better than any one else. there is absolutely no reason for you to feel like you are beneath them in any way shape or form!
Good luck to all those that are self representing, you can do it! You are strong and you are amazing! No one knows what is best for you and your kids but you. Remember most times you are the voice for your kids in this situation too. :)