Hi ladies,
Firstly - no haterading please. Lately some mums have been a little....*coughs*....tense, and have been a little angry in your responses so I am looking for KIND ANSWERS to my first world problem....but one that does hurt me nonetheless.
So i had a wonderful bundle of joy several months ago, and a couple weeks ago my cousin had a little girl and gave her the same name. Same spelling and all. She hadn't mentioned once to me that she was interested in the name and I found out by another family member the day her daughter was born.
Needless to say the last month I have been pretty upset by it. My sister thinks I am over reacting as imitation is flattery....but I've never liked imitation.
It took me a very long time to choose my daughters name and I chose it because its a very old name and I haven't ever met anyone with the name before. I wanted something unique and uncommon and I can almost promise most haven't heard the name before. Its very unique but old fashioned. I absolutely put my heart and soul into it.
Clearly I cant DO anything about it, nor do I think confronting my cousin will bring any good from the sito, but I am feeling robbed...a little like my thunder has been stolen. I particularly loved the name I choose as I've never met anyone before with the name, and now suddenly there are two in my immediate family.
Anyone had a similar sito? What did you do about it to quietly put.your feelings aside?
Thanks Mummas.
12 Replies
Cousins I have loads tbh I have multiple uncle Peters it can happen through marriage even.
Coming from as huge a family as mine unless it's a sibling its water off a ducks back.
We have loads of multiples in our family too.
We don't own the rights to names.
I named my son something that I loved, but happened to not have heard before, of course every 10th boy had the same name for the next few years. It's just the way it goes.
I certainly wouldn't expect my cousin to not choose a name because I'd chosen it, I wouldn't change my choice either.
EDIT****
I am the IM. Just want to add our family is small. I only have 6 cousins.
Wow that's only 3 more than I have siblings mines up in the 20 or 40 somethings if I count both sides.
Honestly it's a long standing tradition for many to actually use family names it genuinely is a compliment it isnt a copy cat.
Theres going to be other people inthe world with that name. If they chose it for their kid second they would have also put a lot of thought into using it. And probably concluded that it doesnt matter. I had a cousins name on my list, wouldnt have bothered me at all theyre not together every day or even week. when it comes to naming my children, im dont think anyone but the parents get a say thats probably why they didnt bring it up. Try to just enjoy that you both love the same name & the two babies have a special bond.
There's been a big swing back toward old names, you don't know if this name you used was one they'd already been considering and decided to go with, even though you took it first so they may even be a bit upset that you not only used it but don't want to share it. It's the norm now, an old name doesn't mean unique but I bet even though your cousin has the same name it's still a little uncommon? These days if you want a name to yourself it's got to be pretty well out there what with the geographical directions and fruit names! If it helps, one thing I remember from being a kid with an unusual name was the little bit of a thrill finding someone with the same name, all is not lost and your little girl might just love that her cousin has the same name too :)
I understand your sadness.
We all choose names we love and think are going to be special, and if you have chosen a unique name that you thought was going to be uncommon then i totally get it.
I hope they at least chose a different middle name.
Im surprised they didnt change it once they heard your called your daughter that, especially if you are a small family. I wonder if others in your family are thinking it is odd of them to copy?
Unfortunately though we dont own names, and it does seem to be the trend that once a previously uncommon name comes back that theres thousands of them (Ruby for example)
I get that you are miffed by it, you probably will be for ever, but the level of miffness will fade, especially as the girls grow and have their own distinct personalities beyond a name.
I get how you're feeling. Except my family is huge!! I'm one of 27 grandkids and it wasn't until my generation that people started doubling up on names. My cousin started it and his mum was pissed, so was my sister and now 3 of them have named their kid the same thing as one of our actual cousins. I lie one is a variation but two are spelt exactly the same. They are all boys of the family so their girlfriends don't actually care about our family tradition. We only ever used family names ie the oldest girl to the oldest girl and the oldest boy to the oldest boy. Ie my uncle was named after my grandfather and my aunt was named after my grandmother who were named after their parents. Neither of them followed this tradition because of their partners not allowing it. My sister is still annoyed and it's been about 10 years. Just don't let the anger stay there. It really won't make it any better. Just remember yours was the first of that name and they copied you.
My sister was cranky at me (although she never actually said it) that I stole her daughter's middle name. It was our mums name. So I didn't think she has dibs on the name because she is much older and had kids first. Not really the same situation as you tho, but similar-ish.
Do u see your cousin regularly, if not then it's not a big deal, even if you did it's only a name. Who knows the kids may love having the same name, they might grow to have a special bond together.
My hubby's mate (the best man at our wedding) called his daughter the same name as our daughter who was 4 at the time. Didn't bother is us in the slightest.
I get where you are coming from, but there's nothing you can do about it. Just remember yours was first and nothing can change that. I too picked unusual but simple names for my kids, one I've never met another of, the other suddenly is in top 10 most popular names lists... But my boy is now 22 and he was the first - so we started it :) The oldest I've heard of with the name is about 16... Take your sister's advice imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery :) If it helps my boy doesn't care - he is him and his personality with that name is a completely different combination than anyone else with that name. I love him to death even if he had no name!
How rude your cousin didn't say anything to you ! Even a text to say hey we have the same name sorry but we loved it too !! I can understand you'd be pissed I would to ....but like you said unfortunately there's nothing you can do. If it makes you feel better you could question her like "oh so how long had you liked that name" or "why did you choose the name: ?? You never know she say she's loved it for years bla bla..... it kinda depends on how close you were ? I have 2 cousins different sides of family with the name Jack...I wanted it but hubby didn't. ...I had know problems using the same name but I'm not close with either of them!
I couldn't be bothered reading all the comment to ensure this hasn't been said already
I heard a few weeks ago that my brother in law and his girlfriend were wanting to use what was going to be my daughters name. It's Amelia so common name but I was pissed none the less. I was also upset because we had that name up until a month before the birth and we decided we wanted a "stronger" sounding name.
I still adore and love the name and may use it in the future and now feel like I can't. I honestly just ignored it. Fake it till you make it.