Hello, moms out there, so I just found out I’m pregnant with my first baby but here is the deal I cheated on my boyfriend and I think my baby is the “other” guy I been feeling depressed because I feel like if is not my boyfriend I don’t want to have it. And I know that sounds horrible but I can’t with the idea of my boyfriend raising a kid that is not his. Please give me some advice and please if you have something mean to say just keepi it to yourself.
9 Replies
You need to speak to someone, lifeline might be a good starting point.
Personally I think it’s time to tell your boyfriend (if he doesn’t already know).
If you are not ready for a baby yet, and you haven’t formed an emotional attachment to this pregnancy/baby then an abortion is a great idea.
If you have bonded with this pregnancy and excited about the baby (despite the circumstances) you might find an abortion harder.
Is your boyfriend a real long term prospect (think about it, cheating might be a sign you don’t really want to be with him), do you really want to terminate your pregnancy for him, or is it more that you are scared to be alone?
Really think hard about what YOU want wether you are with a man or not.
take it step by step. First of all figure out why you cheated and if you really want to be with the man you cheated on. If so the best thing to do is be honest. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Honestly he deserves to know if the baby might not be his.
Then figure out what YOU want to do with this pregnancy regardless of who the father is. This is a baby that you will be raising are you ready for this commitment because there is a very real possibility you could be doing this alone considering the circumstances.
Do some deep soul searching
You cant have a baby if theres a chance you might not want.
Decide based on you and thr baby, not you and your boyfriend. Lets be honest, it rarely works out anyway, addto that you already cheated lets just say dont plan your future based on being with him.
Work out what you want (with the prospect in mind that you may have to do this alone) and if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy please don’t allow him to raise and bond with a baby thinking it is his. You don’t have the right to keep that from him and the child has a right to the truth too. There is something wrong in the relationship for you to cheat so personally I’d be working on that or ending it. I feel like you just brushed over the cheating thing - it’s an epic betrayal and you need to accept responsibility for it.
Is your boyfriend aware you cheated? If not there's obviously a huge shock coming for him in both the truth and the pregnancy. I think you really need to speak to someone who can guide you in the right direction about how to proceed.. what if your boyfriend chooses he doesn't want to raise this kid and also the other guy doesn't want anything to do with it either? You'll be left alone and more vulnerable.
As someone who was cheated on and ended up living a nasty lie for a shit part of my life - you need to change your thinking from 'im going to get caught' to start worrying about whats fair for your partner too. Be honest because youll just dig a hole and end up being that person that did something truly awful and wrecked lives.
people can step up and do all kinds of things for love, but if they dont know about it thats not love its manipulation and will always end badly.
I'd be honest and upfront... Get DNA done.. You will probably loose him as you cheated but if baby is his hopefully he will be a good dad. Honestly I would not lie and let him find out 10 years later... That would be devastating too not just your partner but your child as well. U could abort...but it will always weigh heavy on your shoulders.. And abortion is not going to change the fact that you weren't faithful... I think you should talk to a councillor weigh your options and be honest not just with him but yourself... Obviously you arnt 100% sure on this relationship if your going elsewhere... Be true and honest to yourself and others who u may hurt
Tricky one
Just putting it out there
If it sounds rude I'm sorry it's not meant to offend you
To start with, you went elsewhere and fell pregnant to me that sounds like there is issues with your bf
A baby is going to put even more strain on the relationship
You need to work out what u really want
This is not an easy task at all
Don't be afraid to talk to your Gp or get advise from a helpline
Honesty is what is needed here, if your boyfriend doesn't know you have cheated you have to tell him whether or not you decide to keep the baby.
Why?! I hear you ask, because abortion isn't as simple as birth control that's why it's not recommended to be used as contraceptive. You will need his support during that process if he chooses to forgive. If you don't have his support and he doesn't know why you are being emotional it will most likely affect or even end your relationship anyway.
Flip side if you keep the child and the baby heavens forbid gets sick etc and the father finds out then he isn't the father it will be emotional turmoil for him (possibly for you too) for example my nephew passed away earlier this year, we all questioned my sister in laws faithfulness as she fell pregnant to two of her other kids with 4 possible fathers....but she waited till funeral plans to tell the man raising my nephew that he wasn't the father and had no right in being a part of funeral arrangements. He had to have a paternity test and my poor nephew sat along in a morgue while the paternity test was run so the man who thought he was a father could have rights regarding his 'sons' funeral arrangements......the paternity test was inconclusive due to the amount of blood taken from my nephew...so they had to run it again.
1 month my nephew lay in a morgue alone....in the end the man who raised my nephew raised all the money needed for the funeral so my sister in law allowed him to be a part of the arrangements again.
Don't intentionally put anyone through these feelings karma is a real bitch.