Hi everyone!
How did you know you were done having kids..
I have always wanted to have 4 kids (currently have three, 5y 3y 6m) my husband was happy with 2 but changed his mind and was happy to go again but he now says that he doesn’t want any more. how do you get past the feelings of wanting another. I’m scared I’m going to resent him.
But what if my husband agrees to one more and we have another and I don’t have that feeling of being “done”
Lots of my friends have said they just knew they were done having kids..
14 Replies
I didn't feel done. I made a decision made on family circumstances.
You don't have to resent your husband, that's a choice you make. I don't resent anyone for a choice.
I think a no more always over rides a yes more when it comes to kids. Your hubby did a great thing and compromised. Does he resent you for changing his mind? But now it's time to do the same for him.
Of course there is a grieving process and you get through it. But can you imagine raising a child you didn't want? Remember the financial burden of these kids gets greater as they get older to.
Some people are never done, sometimes you just have to do what's best for the family.
I personally don’t think I’ll ever feel done. I could have a million newborns (granted they were all as good and easy as my first two I guess)... but I think for the most maternal ones, the feeling of “done” will never come.
I’ve kind of come to terms with the fact I’ll never feel done. I’ve always wanted four or more, but it’s more practical to stop at three which I feel we will do.
Some people know when they are done. Some people will never feel done but that’s when they need to toss up other things such as finance, cars ect ect that comes with a bigger family.
I have 3 kids and I don't feel done but I'm in my mid 30's and feel like I may of missed the boat and waited to long. I'm not sure even if I had another one if I would feel done. The thought of having 4 is a bit scary tho 😬
Being "done" is a choice not a feeling, you may never 'feel' done so you can't keep having babies til you do!
Bringing or not bringing another person into the world is a huge decision and not one that should solely be made by a feeling!
As my very wise nanna says "Think with your head, not with your heart (or penis in other situations 😂)".
Agree!
How do I know I'm done is when I feel like it would be a financial burden to have another. My sister in law has 6 kids and keeps wanting more despite the fact they live in a 3 bedroom house and she has had DOCS called on her due to the lack of necessities her kids have. I know she may not feel done but I don't think that alone is a good reason to keep having more.
He compromised and I assume didn’t resent you for having a third? So why would you resent him, he sounds like a good guy. I would say you’re done in this case, because you respect your partner and he is done. We all want things in this world, but as an adult we understand we can’t have everything we want.
Using the word compromised eludes that she made the decision for both of them. Way to support someone asking for advice. He’s a big boy. He could’ve said no.
Sorry, bullshit meter is already in overdrive today. Of course this is good advice. Compromise is to take wants into consideration and meet in the middle. She wanted 4, he wanted 2 and they have 3. How much more in the middle could you humanly get? Both sides have made a concession to the others' wants. It does not allude that either has made the final choice for the other. Yes he's a big boy, yes he could have said no but he didn't - he compromised with the woman he loves.
Exactly! It said they compromised not that the OP coerced or manipulated him into it! The exact definition of compromise means coming to an agreement both parties are happy with. Geez!
Also, OP, your youngest is still a baby hubby may be willing to consider it later down the track.
He has compromised by having a third, she didn’t, she wanted another and got what she wanted. Now we are saying she needs to compromise!! No one said anything about coercion, have no idea what you are on about or what your definition of compromise is. He wants two, she wants four, they have three!! Make your own comment if you don’t agree but don’t hijack my comment.Geez!!
I 100% decided I was done this morning.
Baby #3 is 4.5 months old and in 2 weeks I have to return to work. I’m returning full time so we can get ahead on bills.
I am so devastated to be putting my little one in day care.
All 3 of my babes have been under 6 months when I’ve returned to work I’ve missed out on soo many milestones and I know I will miss milestones for my 3rd Bub as well.
If we could afford it I would 20 babies.
I had my first at 19 and struggled to have my 2nd. It took 10.5 long years, failed IVF attempts and countless other tests before falling pregnant naturally at 31. I had one finishing high school and one starting primary. At 40 I became a grandmother. I kinda knew after our 2nd that we were done, but being a grandma at a young age cemented my thoughts. Not to mention the most painful endometriosis cramps and the constant bleeding (25 out of a 28 day month) I had endured since the age of 12. I had a hysterectomy just after my 40th birthday.
You'll know when you've had enough. xx
I am pregnant with number 4 and i know I do not ever want to do this again! I didn't feel like this at all with other three. I remember at number three it didn't feel like the last baby.