Help me mumma’s to embrace being single.
I have been separated for 13 months and planned to be single to get myself back to reality and balanced. But the end of last year met someone who I thought was my jam lol. We both had the stars aligning us to be together (as pathetic as that sounds) and feelings for each other, but he chose not to embrace them as he was scared (his words). Then breadcrumbed me, he knew how I felt then played malicious mind games, toyed with my emotions and played me for a fool. I ended that and have stopped all contact. I know that whatever was going on in his head had nothing to do with me. I am completely over that person but I know that experience has left me a little bitter. Lucky for me I’m optimistic and feel once I find my true self, embrace my life for what it is, and truly love myself I may cross paths with someone in the future who may be in our life long term.
But right now. I need to find a way to embrace being a single women, a single mum, a single person in society. Enjoy life. Respect myself. Love myself unconditionally. Keep busy. Clear focus. Just truly be remarkable for myself and for my child. This past week I have been self-reflecting and it has given me clarity on everything. I created myself a mood board full of inspirational goals. I’m an ambitious person, but I am lacking in motivation at the moment, due to my headspace.
I have depression and anxiety. I have chosen not to take medication for, as I don’t want to be reliant on it (no disrespect to those who have chosen to). I understand the benefits but I want to achieve getting myself back through exercise, yoga etc. Or am I being unrealistic? I am seeing a psychologist whom is solely helping me overcome allot of areas in my life. But I can only afford to see her once a fortnight. So between that time I’m thinking allot. Lol.
Then there is family, friends and complete strangers that wonder why you’re single. “You’re attractive, you’re genuine, kind, compassionate, you’re young, you have your s*** together” bla bla bla. But I’ve chosen to be single. Not good enough for them, which doesn’t embrace my choice. “Don’t completely ax relationships, keep your options open”. But they truly do not see, I need to work on me first before I can truly enjoy someone else. I want to be completely full before I meet the next person. Have my own life, goals, be happy. I guess my reasonings to be single isn’t good enough for them, I’m done explaining and try to ignore their ‘opinions’ on my choices in life. But clearly it’s hard, as I’m looking for advice elsewhere.
Allot in my life needs to change. Firstly need to find a new job, as the job I have, I despise, the pay check keeps me sane but it’s keeping me depressed. Though I’m currently at uni studying my passion but it’s a long road ahead. But between working FT and raising a teenager on my own is exhausting enough.
I just want to find my true self and be happy.
Would love some ideas from other single mums/single woman to help me figure out a way to find my true self? Be happy and embrace being single? Get the relationship idea out of my head, because I don’t want that right now (its lingering). I just want to be the best version of myself. Full of happiness, adventures and life in general. Any good books to read? I’m up for all ideas.
Not looking for criticism just need help with embracing being single. Tia x
Edit: Yesterday I wrote down a 10-year plan and so far has made me feel at ease. I work well with plans and structure in my life. But need to solely focus on making myself better and truly love myself more.
4 Replies
Ok ignore everyone. Being attractive doesnt mean you should have a man, and not having one doesn't make you any less worthy. Find your reasons for doing this and ignore anybody who turns it around as a negative.
As for medication, it can be hard trying to pull yourself out with exercise alone, for me medication was useful to help me in those early days, then when I could, I continued with the exercise and self care without the medication. Don't stigmatise it and don't take it off the table, if you need it, that's ok, you're fighting hard enough as it is, why close off any option that could help you.
For me I haven't actually embraced being single as a statement, I'm just focusing on myself and keeping high standards and that's the result. I spend my time on self development and self care, organising my life, setting goals, etc.
I just live my life, no different to when I had a partner, I actually don’t give it a lot of thought/weight really. No one has commented much on it either tbh. Why are you focusing on it? Just look to achieve your goals, be the best parent for your child and enjoy life. You make it sound like a disease or something to be ashamed of, just forget about it and keep moving forward. I would also reconsider medication if you don’t get the results you want in the next few months, the worst you get in that hole, the harder to pull yourself out.
I too separated from my husband 13 months ago. There is no chance of reconciliation.
I am now raising my two children, working and finding myself after a dv relationship.
I am sick of people asking me when i am going to find a new man, start dating or go on tinder.
It took me three years to find my freedom and reclaim my power. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than go through that again.
I may be alone but i will never be lonely with someone again.
Enjoy your solitude. Study, travel and be happy. Life is worth it.
going on meds doesn't automatically make you reliant on them, in my case it helped me find the correct headspace so I could power through struggles. Now I'm med free and still going strong.