Feeling broken

.......Trigger warning......

Im Feeling broken....

I'm not sure if this is a question or more that I just need to get it out...

I'm currently sitting in my bathroom, in Labour for the past 12+ hrs, the pain I feel is real, the pushing I feel is real but I won't get the happy ending that most women get, right now I'm going threw a medical miscarriage and I feel broken, having to go threw labour feels like a kick to the guts when I'm already down, I feel like a failure and I'm sad, angry and hurt at my body....

We are lucky in the fact that yes we all ready have 5 children but that doesn't take away the heartache myself and my partner are feeling right now, and it seems because we already have kids people think it's less of a big deal, but it's not for us, we didn't tell family or friends as we was only 11.5 weeks but we were excited, we having been trying for 5 yrs and both thought we couldn't have anymore and then this wonder lil suprise pop up and made us both extremely happy, only to be broken by the news, I've never felt so lost, broken and numb as I do right now.... My hubby is in bed, I told him to get some sleep because one of us needs to get up for our other children for school..... I want this to be over now but it just seem to keep going, I need to know it wasnt my fault but no one can tell me it wasn't because my head won't listen, right now I just want to curl up in a hole and cry but I can't because I'm still in labour 😢😢😢..

Like I said not really a question, just needed to get it off my chest....
Thank you for listening xxx