Looking for advice.
So I have been with my partner for a few years. He shares a child with his ex. And we are expecting our first child in a few months. The ex also has a partner and 2 year old boy.
Generally everyone is friendly and able to get along. It makes sense to be an adult in these situations. Also able to have birthday parties, Easter and events like that together.
However, every now and then we hear or see on social media the ex badmouthing my partner. And normally this is just ignored to avoid drama.
There have been times where things have been said to the young child. She is 7. And she will tell us.
Things like the dad doesn't pay enough child support. Even though the money is taken out by the child support agency.
Or telling the child his dad doesn't care enough as he doesn't see her enough. She is in our care every weekend for the whole weekend. She has also been told his dad chooses to go out and party instead of spending time with her on the weekends. This is so untrue.
My partner maybe goes out 1 a year and doesn't drink.
Basically should this continue to be ignored to avoid drama or is there a time when enough is enough and a conversation is to be had?
4 Replies
This is so tricky. Such a delicate little dance. I think because you have consistent time and care with the little girl she will eventually see thru her mum. Just continue to reaffirm your love for her and that you love the precious time you have together.
Maybe there is a window to call her out but that might shut down all the shared events. It shouldn’t but it might be a case of being the bigger person.
I agree with this. You and her father are doing an amazing job of staying child focused. Your hearing/seeing the mum trying to create a battle but you are not reacting emotionally or aggressively. Good job.
Mums in the ring, gloves on, jumping up and down, preparing for a fight. But imagine your step daughter is spectating. She sees mum in the ring, mum saying this that and the other. Then she sees you and her dad, out side of the ring, secure, safe. Not fighting back. She goes to you. You are the stable ground where she doesn't have to hear mean things about someone she loves. Seriosuly, well done!
You keep reassuing that love. The little girl will see through her mums nonesene. She has the consistency of you and her dad and the reassurance through loving words and actions.
I would ignore the social media, she can say stupid shit all she likes.
Dad just needs to keep telling the child she is loved by everyone and how much he loves spending time with her.
My ex and his current wife frequently bad mouth me in front of my boys. Their bad attitude was rubbing off on the boys and they would come back (50/50 care) and be rude and disrespectful towards me. Speaking to my ex wouldn’t have helped, it would have increased the verbal abuse I still cop nearly 12 years after our marriage ended. Instead I spoke to my boys and pulled them up on their attitudes. Told them that if they hear anyone bad mouthing me to pull them up on it, doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, their father, or someone else, they don’t deserve to hear someone saying bad things about me. It got my boys thinking and their attitudes improved. I don’t know whether they ever said anything to their father because the abuse didn’t increase. My ex has also been banned from talking about me when visiting his parents and grandparents as they don’t like the way he talks about me in front of the boys.
Whatever you decide to do, hubby needs to be the one to deal with it as it is his ex causing the issues.