I just found out that I’m four weeks pregnant with our fourth child. We have an eleven year old, seven year old and three year old.
Hubby doesn’t want it and would like us to terminate. He would never force me into it but he thinks it’s the best thing for our family mostly for financial reasons.
I’m not asking what we should do because I know it’s a question only we can answer. I just don’t know how to make the decision. He 100% wants to get rid of it and I 100% want to keep it.
How can we make a decision that we can both be happy with?
Either way one of us will get what we want and the other won’t.
We have a strong marriage and love each other very much but we’re really struggling with this.
Any advise would be great right now xx
Pregnancy
Pregnancy
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26 Replies
Up to you . It's your life for the rest of your life. Decide together, what you think is best .
Look, I'm pro-choice. And my stance in this situation is that you have to be able to deal with whatever choice you make, and you need to be prepared that whichever decision you make you may face a relationship breakdown into the bargain.
If you choose to keep this child, he may decide not to be there for you. If you choose to terminate you may resent him and that could drive you apart. Could you face life as a single mum of 4? Could you get past having a termination you don't want?
This would be a really hard decision! You need to weigh up everything. First of all, he doesn't want to keep it. So you need to be prepared for him to possibly leave you if you do keep it. Also if you keep it you need to be prepared to NOT receive the standard medical care pregnant women get due to this pandemic. Will your kids miss out on anything if you have a fourth? Will you need a new car? Look at all the options and go from there but let me tell you something first. The saying "You only regret the children you don't have" is BULL! Plenty of people regret their children, it's just taboo to talk about (although lots talk about it online) good luck in your decision.
Or people say "This was meant to be" What crap. Lots of things happen that weren't meant to be.
Don’t let him bully you into ending your unborn son or daughter’s life.
1- not a son or daughter, it’s a cluster of cells.
2- she never said he was bullying her, he just doesn’t want anymore child (he has the right to not want to bring another child into the world)
3- it’s a decision they should make together, it’s not only her opinion that matters
You’ve got to be joking if you think it’s a cluster of cells. This is modern times, we have ultrasound technology now.
The fact is, this IS their unborn son or daughter.
At 4 weeks there is nothing to see on an ultrasound because it Is just a cluster of cells, nothing more at that point in time
You have got to be kidding. That is a baby that is forming urgh
That is exactly what it is, a cluster of cells. It's not a fully formed child.
You need to look at things scientifically, not emotionally.
How is it not emotional? So if a woman has a miscarriage early? “It’s just a cluster of cells”. Not everyone thinks like you.
Wtf! That cluster of cells is and will be her son or daughter. I’m sick of everyone down playing what abortions are.
Then don't have one. But don't bully other people into continuing pregnacies that are unwanted.
No ones bullying anyone into having a baby. We all just don’t feel so “scientific” like you do.
It’s a baby and I agree with you.
So many can’t have babies. Maybe adoption is a 3rd option OP
I'll probably get slated for my view on this, so I'll brace myself for the barrage...
I think this decision ultimately comes down to what you feel is right for you. Your husband deserves to have an input and he's had that input but I don't think he gets a say in the final decision, because at the end of the day as the person who has to either go through with a pregnancy or a termination and all the emotions that come along with both of those choices - you've got to be able to move forward confident that you made a choice that you can live with.
I wish you all the best xx
Is he planning on getting a vasectomy? If he wants no more children then he should probably go out and get one instead of of telling you after you’ve fallen pregnant that he’s done and doesn’t want to have any more. Even if it’s a decision he’s only just made he’s probably been thinking about it before now.
No one here can give you the answers you seek. You either want the baby or you don’t. If you’re relationship is strong then he’ll accept that he fucked up by not getting a vasectomy when you had the last child and get one whilst your pregnant to ensure that there are no more buns produced in your oven between the two of you.
Just take a look at the world's population, how the earth is struggling to support it already, and how many children are without homes world wide. People seriously need to consider not only themselves when having children, but the earth as well. Maybe consider that in your decision... honestly, there should be a limit of 2 children per couple.
If you can look after the children there’s nothing wrong with having more then 2.
A lot of people only take into account the mother's view on this, but this isn't a single person's decision to make. You need to take into account the valid reasons as to why your husband doesn't want a child.
You should be sitting down as a couple and have an open discussion about the pros and cons of having another family member.
A 4th is a big adjustment from 3. It means another car (if you don't have a 7 seater), perhaps another house if you don't have enough room, an additional mouth to feed or body to clothe. What if you haven't kept all of the baby things from the 3yo, that's another baby room set up.
Yes you're carrying the child, but it's a decision that should be made as a family unit, and made with pure logic. Can you support a 4th child on your current income and adjust to the changes.
Good luck with your choice, whatever it is I'm sure it'll work out.
Then keep it. If I was 100% for it then
I would be keeping it. Don’t do it. Things will work out and your other kids are great ages to be good little helpers. It’s a gift that’s been sent to you. You will work around it take it one day at a time.
Go with your decision, it’s you who has to live with this and having this blessing growing in your belly. This was sent to you for a reason I believe. Stand up for what you want. I wouldn’t have one even if my husband wanted me to. It’s my choice. I’m the one going through it and the one who spends every minute with my kids. Tell him to get them
Snip if he really didn’t want any. Not being mean to him but I wouldn’t listen to my husband on this topic. I couldn’t live with myself.
OP here
So we’re going to keep the bub 😊
Hubby couldn’t go through with a termination and decided that he really does want bub, it just had to sink in.
We both know it’ll be hard but worth it.
We were using a condom but it broke and hubby had been ringing around about getting the snip so it was already on the cards.
I feel so grateful that I’ve been given the opportunity to bring another beautiful baby into the world. I can’t wait to tell the kids, they’re going to be ecstatic.
I really appreciate everyone’s reply’s, advice and love xxx
I hope this baby will be a blessing to your family.
I was a surprise baby and so was my last baby. (Big gaps) 🤗
Great news. I’m glad you are both on the same page!
If you are 100% for having this baby, please consider the emotional and mental that this will cause you if you are manipulated into terminating by your husband.
Maybe hubby could trot off and get a vasectomy while you decide.