I was promoted to 2IC for the company I work for. Its a pretty big promotion responsibility and pay wise. Ever since the promotion was announced, my best friend, who also works for the same company has just started ghosting me!
She hasn't responded to any of my text messages, won't answer the phone. Shes polite at work but distant...I thought we'd be celebrating my promotion together, but instead I feel sick that it was given to me when it's caused an obvious fraction in our friendship.
How would you deal with this situation? I would like to confront her and ask why she is avoiding me. I miss her.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
15 Replies
If you can honestly say you scored the promotion through hard work then she's jealous and you can't do much about that. BUT if there was a bit of head stepping, ass kissing and purple circling involved then maybe she saw a side to you she no longer likes, especially if you used her head to step on. Not saying any of that is the case but it's one or the other.
I worked in a little clothing store years ago, I was good friends with the 3 other girls who worked there.
One of the girls got offered the position of assistant manager, curious choice as this girl was a little bit ditzy and the other girls had far more experience, it was actually almost hinted that the oldest most experienced girl was going to be given the job.
So it ruffled a few feathers anyway but when this girl's whole attitude changed it really pissed people off. She became overly critical, condescending and would throw us under the bus if she made a mistake.
Its a very strong reaction but it might just be jealousy.
It might be that she was under the impression she was up for the promotion.
Maybe there's been some behaviour on your part that she's found hurtful or unfavourable.
I'd take some time to self reflect and give your friend some space.
I worked for a large company and was friends with another girl there. I busted my butt working hard, coming in when others couldn’t, never missed a shift, I ended up getting contracted after 6 mths and my ‘friend’ hated me for it. I agree with the first reply…. Look at the reasons for the promotion but jealousy probably sits at the base of the ghosting ❤️
Congratulations by the way :)
It'll be jealousy. I think it's a bit odd to expect others to celebrate promotions where it's obvious you've stepped ahead of that person. It needs a little sensitivity.
When I got promoted I just went about my business at work. I didn't expect my friend, who didn't get past the first round (were 3 new positions), to jump up & down in excitement. She knew I'd had to fight hard to get there. It still changed things, though. She became nasty behind my back. I couldn't control it & had to let the friendship go.
You can't live your life according to friends' reactions. Sometimes it affects people deeply & makes them feel like a failure personally. It's confronting them as to why they haven't been promoted. It's nothing to do with you, but their own inner voice.
Give her space & time. Be nice & tell her you miss her when you see her. Don't confront about why. It'll end badly. She may come around or may not. Either way it's her internal battle & not your fault.
Thank you. This has really helped me gain further perspective.
I really miss my friend. We've been friends for 14 years and I've always built her up, and been excited for her achievements. I guess I didn't really think about how this could create an internal battle for her. I just felt hurt.
I worked really hard. Often putting in extra hours during my own time to help my colleagues when they were behind or had a problem that needed fixing. I've always been the one my colleague's called when they have needed help. I haven't been gloating at work, I've just been getting on with it.
Thank you for taking the time to respond.
I didn't mean to imply you were gloating, sorry. Just some people are different. It doesn't matter how hard you worked or how much you deserve it, it becomes about them & how they feel about themselves.
I learned this the hard way. It's hurtful, unpleasant & unfair, especially when you're happy for them. I hope I'm wrong & she comes around, but I expect not. I hate to say it, but watch your back. I learned this the hard way too!
Oh gosh! No I didn't think you were implying that at all. I was just providing more of a picture of my behaviour😂.
I really hope it will blow over. 🤞🤞
“It becomes about them and how they feel about themselves.” This is such a profound insight that can help us understand many difficult situations. Thank you.
Congratulations on your promotion, she is not your "best" friend if she does this after your success.
To be honest it's really hard to work with a friend when ones a boss of the other. Hopefully you're in different departments and if not that's probably what needs to happen for the friendship to survive.
Technically I'll be her "boss" 😔
I'd probably leave it for now. Hopefully she'll find another job, it might take some time but if it's enough for her to crack it then she's probably already looking, wait it out and when you're in a better position maybe you'll renew the friendship.
I'd say if this is the way she's acting for a reward you've been given for hard work... She isn't a friend, let alone your best friend. She should be celebrating you.
It could be that she is now uncomfortable with the change in power? You are now her "boss" and that could be uncomfortable for her. Perhaps you have changed now due to your new role? You are meant to but that could be why she is giving space until she learns the new dynamics?
My old Co worker did a massive back flip when promoted. She had to due to role but still she didn't why we didn't find her presence as comfortable.
I lost my job at the beginning of the year. A month later I'd had a business idea I was really excited about, and I only told my Mum and my two best friends. After giving them all 2 products each to test for me, and a week of no feedback from one of my best friends I reached out and she never directly answered me, just told me I had inspired her to start making said product. We haven't spoken since because I didn't reply to her message asking where I got a particular item. Nothing. I've since launched my business and she liked one post. Then nothing. I'm devastated, but I'm also a stubborn Capricorn so I won't be reaching out to her anytime soon. It sucks, but sometimes you just drift apart.
But. More importantly. Congratulations on you promotion OP xx