Hi. Ok here goes I am 40, happily married with a 12 and 14 year old, have a fantastic corporate career that includes travel that I’ve worked hard for and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant. We definitely were not trying and it comes as a major shock. I just don’t know if I can do it, I am already extremely time poor but always ensure my kids get time and everything that they need as a priority. Stopping work isn’t an option. My husband is on the fence but mostly a no we can’t do this again, it’s not fair to our kids or the new baby with such a huge age gap. I also rely heavily on my mum for help, I don’t know if I can do it again. Has anyone out there been in the same situation and decided to have a baby? Have such a huge age gap between kids? Any advice from experience would be amazing.
Please I don’t need anyones views on the ethics of what I’m asking - I get it! And yes I know that a pregnancy is a blessing and that many would love to be in my position. Please be kind.
11 Replies
I had kids with a big age gap and honestly I don't recommend it.
Why? What was your age gap and what are your reasons
I think the age gap is the least of your problems.
If you are unwilling to reduce or take time off work, at least for the first 6 months, then there's your answer.
Work is the priority, don't bring a baby into the world.
I had a 6yr old and a 4 yr old when I had my youngest. And even that I found challenging, they are all at school now but it was hard. I am also 40 with an almost 15,13,9 yr old and if I was preggas I definitely couldn’t do it all again. Sending you big hugs 🤗 do what’s best for you and your family what ever that is xxx.
Close family friends had this happen when I was in highschool. The baby was doted on by my friend and her teenage siblings. The baby grew up with a huge amount of love and support. She's now a successful woman and is still extremely close with her older sister.
Personally, I'm your age and would abort without guilt, though not without sadness. I just know I couldn't do it all over again and wouldn't risk a geriatric pregnancy. But the only real life example I've seen up close and personal was a great success.
Another perspective on older siblings raising younger ones - it's not their baby and not their job. I have several friends/family that through necessity were heavily involved in raising their siblings (families of 7+ kids) and there is resentment and regret. Even with a 3-4 year age gap, I would have to consciously tell my older child not to worry about their sibling "You're not the mum, just ignore him and go and play... Unless he is in danger, it's ok".
In the situation above, they weren't raising through necessity, expectation or otherwise. They just adored her. The mum and dad were definitely the parents
You do you. Whatever your choice, try not to be influenced by "what will they think" mentality. Having said that, if you rely heavily on your mum already, please be aware she is not young and having her in your plans for this child as a primary carer will be hard work for her. I have my 1+ granddaughter occasionally for the day and when she goes home after a wonderful day together I always think "there is a reason we don't have babies in our 50's". I'm exhausted. Joy filled, but knackered ;) Best wishes whatever your choice.
Be thankful you cam fall pregnant . I have 1 child can't have any more amd I would love to give my child a sibling .
Be thankful to have one child. Some have none.
Not very helpful is it?
Don't make OP's situation about you.
Awww!! Big hugs.. you will make the right decision for your family.
I personally have always said I would never abort a child. I’m absolutely pro choice.. I hold no judgment to anyone who does.
I’m 42.. 2 kids, 14 and 11. Now that I’m 42 if I’m totally honest I’m not sure I would want to go through it all again. I love babies and had great pregnancies and LOVED my time with the kids when they were babies and until now. I feel like I’m out the other side now though and I’m looking forward to this chapter in our lives. I would be totally torn too.