My head is spinning and I'm not sure what to do, I'm on the fence. I am almost 39 n my partner is 42, he keeps bringing up us having a kid together. We have been together for 4 yr n b4 we got together he had the snip which I was fine with the thought of never having more. I have a bio 18 yr old, step 19, 13 n 10 n full care of a almost 2 yr old. All the kids apart from the 10 yr old would love us to have one but a couple friends think I'm crazy for even thinking about it.
For us to do this we obviously need help.
I don't know if we are to old to even think about doing this as when I think when the baby is 18 we will be 60ish n I love the idea we were almost done raising the kids (well b4 we took the baby on). Then I don't even know where to start to even see if it's possible.
So I guess what I'm after is advise from anyone that has been in a similar situation even if it's just having a baby later in life. How did U find it?
11 Replies
Don't do it!!
I had my second at 39. BUT my oldest was only three. I don't feel like I was too old. However, we both had years of child free travel, career & personal pursuits first, so hadn't already spent most of our adult life caring for kids.
I think only you can make this decision. You need to consider if YOU want more kids. It really sounds like you don't. It's fine for men to want one, but, unfortunately, women still carry most of the work & sacrifice so don't do it unless you want it.
I'll be honest.
You've got a blended family that includes two legally adult children, two pre teens and a toddler you've taken on guardianship of.
I'm not sure adding a newborn to all of that is the wisest move.
You've also got to consider the vasectomy, your options are a reversal (which doesn't have great success rates) or sperm retrieval and IVF. That can be expensive and invasive.
Why risk a high needs child with a disability at this point in your life? Much higher odds now.
I'm 42 and fell pregnant unplanned 4 years ago. We have a blended family too, the youngest was 12 and baby would have been first together. But we lost it. I took it as a sign that it just wasn't meant to happen and I hate to say it but I felt relieved that I wasn't going back to the baby stage. I just don't think I would have coped that well. I don't think it's a good idea to plan it especially since your child is 18, your step kids are older and at some point your partner was very adamant about not wanting more, why has he changed his mind?
Initially no way, but you have a 2 year old anyway and sounds like the little one will have a very large support network of older siblings and you’re not that old that you’ll be elderly while they’re young.
Please consider if this 'cluckiness' is from having the 2YO around?... Currently you have 1 little one that is sounds like the whole family are engaged with and caring for. The 'village' of your family is raising this child. Add another baby to the mix and everything is magnified... especially the hard bits... As much as siblings like to have input, they are not responsible (and shouldn't be) for raising any later siblings. They are moving on with their education, careers, adventure, etc. Your husband had a vasectomy for a reason, maybe the two of you could get some couples counseling to nut out the emotions behind these feelings before going any further with any reversal procedures. Another approach would be to foster another young one to add what you are looking for into the family. Personally I think your hubby is romanticising the 'what would a baby made by us be like?' Doesn't matter whose gene pool, they still require a lot of care and love... Best of luck in your decision
I'm not sure why you have the 2 year old but I assume it's due to some kind of trauma and I don't think a baby would be the best thing to bring into your lives right now. I don't believe you should have a child based on "you'll have a lot help" as anything could happen and often there will be times you won't have help. I would strongly advise against it.
Don't you have your hands full enough with all the other kids?
Why do you have care of the 2 year old? I would think that child needs a lot more attention if something big has happened for that child to not be with their bio parents. So no,'I don't think a baby would be a good idea
Only you can decide what is right for you. Lots of different families now. However, your pregnancy would be considered higher risk for you and the baby. Having lost a family member and her baby during childbirth, I could not recommend it. I would worry about what would happen to the children you already have if something were to go wrong. It will not be long before you will both be grandparents. Enjoy those few short in-between years while you have support. Before she died I would have said to ignore what others said but now... we have alot of broken hearts. You need to take care of your health and the mum you already are. Sorry I could not be more supportive.