Okay, I want another baby but my husband got a vasectomy ~8 years ago. My husband refuses to get a reversal or go through IVF. My question is.... has any one had their husbands vasectomy fail? Looking for some hope =)
Okay, I want another baby but my husband got a vasectomy ~8 years ago. My husband refuses to get a reversal or go through IVF. My question is.... has any one had their husbands vasectomy fail? Looking for some hope =)
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17 Replies
I know it feels easier if he could just be tricked and your plan could just fall into place. But you do have your own choice.
That's a very clear and resounding no on his part.
You either respect a hard no and move on....or you see this as a deal breaker for your relationship.
To me, a hard no wins in matters like this. It feels almost unethical tbh 🤷‍♀️ imagine if it was the other way around...
You sound like you have zero respect for your husband's wishes, I would take a long hard look in the mirror if I were you.
If you fall pregnant, he's going to resent you. If you won't, you will resent him.
I would get some counselling and may be have some time to evaluate your relationship first.
Having kids is one of those situations where there is no compromise. Your husband is clearly a hard no.
So what do you want more - a baby or your husband? There's your choice.
Leave him & find another sperm donor.
Or stay and have no more kids.
If you're just clucky, find a way to get access to someone else's baby for cuddles - find a friend with a bub, maybe become a daycare worker? Offer babysitting?
Short term fostering / respite care?
Does your local hospital take volunteers to cuddle addict / ill babies?
No one has actually answered my question.............
I respected my husbands wishes for 8 years since our second child was born the whole time knowing I wanted another child but putting it out of my mind. Until I finally admitted to myself and him how much I wanted another baby. I know that my options are stay and accept no baby OR leave to have a baby with another man. I obviously love him hence why we are still together but that doesn't mean I don't hope a very very very small hope it might happen- which is why I posted my question.
Upon a Google search of your query, it says that vasectomies can reverse itself (grow back together) even after many years which is why they recommend getting checked yearly after the first years post op checks. So yes, it is possible. You should do a Google search, it was very interesting xo
Quietly hoping an invasive procedure for the man you're supposed to love fails, is a different kind of evil.
Does he know he is sleeping with the enemy?
Turns out there's a third option, hope you make a man who doesn't want a baby have one.
There isn't an 8 year expiration date on respect of your spouse.
As a mother of one who would have loved more, I would never wish an unwanted child on anyone, let alone someone I love.
It's not obvious you love him, quite the opposite, but clear you love yourself.
I think you should just not get pregnant. Vasectomies are designed to reduce the risk of pregnancy. It's like having your tubes cut and tied.
Yes, they may miraculously reconnect or fail but he had the intention to not have anynore kids and if you want more and he doesn't, you need to have a conversation with him to understand why he doesn't want more.
He didn't just go out and get a vasectomy. Now if he does want more babies, that is totally different. You need to talk to him.
I'd just accept it and move on.
Don't force a baby into a relationship.
He had a vasectomy for a reason. If you want another baby, I suggest you have a very real and honest discussion about this with him. If he doesn't want another child, you should decide whether you want to remain in the relationship or not.
If you were to have a "happy accident," you need to think about the consequences and be able to live with them.
To answer your question directly, I do know a married couple who's vasectomy failed, I think it was about 4 years?
He immediately accused her of cheating & wouldn't even contemplate that it had failed.
He said even if she hadn't cheated, and it was miraculously his, he wanted her to abort as he didn't want more children. She refused to abort.
He left.
Paternity was proven after the baby was born, and he still said he wanted nothing to do with the baby.
He paid child support, and had weekend custody of the two older kids, but had nothing to do with the baby, ever.
A lot of people would say that makes him a very shitty person (I agree) - and it's likely there were other marriage problems anyway - but he had made his decision very clear.
He said that he had spent the entire pregnancy believing that she had cheated, and then refused to abort, and that's what killed their marriage.
DNA tests can be done from the womb, but I believe it's a pretty dangerous procedure so she chose not to.
I know of one that failed. Not a friend, but a friend of someone I know. The couple were so shocked, apparently the woman cried for days (I assume abortion wasn't an option) as her youngest was 10. So it does happen, but it's very, very rare.
My husband's surgeon (he had the whole enchilada cut/burnt sewn) said most failures happen quickly, only because of incorrect post vasectomy care instructions not being followed. He said maybe one in a few thousand fail long term.
So it's possible, but very unlikely.
Like the other posters here, I think a pregnancy could cause more problems in your marriage than joy, and it's unlikely to happen anyway, so I think you need to possibly have counselling or a new focus.
I think you may need to communicate with your husband not the internet… and he needs to be given an out if you are this deep. Sounds like you need to respect his choices and consider the implications. If you have other kids you stand to devide their family. Your “hopes” are his dealbreaker. He doesn’t want more kids and made that decision 8 years ago.
A friends sisters husband but that was early after the vasectomy 8 years on would be NIL chance however I wouldn't try behind his back no matter what. That's just asking for a divorce
You certainly copped so much judgement from this post and I think its in the wording tbh. Remember this is the internet and what they would write here, they would not say as harshly to your face.
There's a secret hope in you that the door is not closing shut on more children. Some of us feel the ache for another one and it can make us kinda sad when we have to let that go. I actually feel like I grieved the baby I was not going to have.
This is an adjustment issue and more common than people realise. As you are transitioning into the next phase of your life. I get that you hope his vasectomy fails and I have heard of it occurring but the reality of that occurring is not the perfect fantasy you imagine it to be. It's a good idea to talk to someone to help you with acceptance đź’— go gently and be kind to yourself x