Hi IMs,
I am very fragile, so please be compassionate and kind.
I am feeling very lonely in my relationship and I don’t know how to get through to my partner. My partner makes no effort to have a conversation with me or spend any time with me. He eats his breakfast and dinner in a separate room to the kids and I. He goes out for hours without telling us. I feel like he’s a housemate.
I know this may sound like an affair but this isn’t what my gut is telling me. He is an extremely loyal person. It looks more like depression but then his mood is not low at all.
I have tried talking to him about how I’m feeling and he made more of an effort for a few weeks and then went right back to emotional distance. He doesn’t even notice that he does it. He is also refusing to see a counsellor with me.
Has anyone experienced this and what did you do to repair things?
3 Replies
Can you plan some day trips?
What was his parents relationship like? Sometimes people have different views on how a family should work. If his parents family dynamic was sinuous you both may need to find a way to compromise on how things should work
Yes I feel exactly where you are at. I’ve been with my partner for 23 years, married 19. And the man I live with acts like he’s single. Not for “affair” reasons, just simply cos he’s a man-child that wants to do as he pleases, pretend with family like he’s the best husband, and then just go off and do what he wants all the while telling himself he’s giving me space to do what I want. Doing what I want on a Sunday is cooking something nice and then waiting for him to come home and enjoy it with me. Which he usually doesn’t. But he keeps telling himself he’s being supportive. But that’s just a narrative to justify to himself that he’s doing what he wants. I don’t have anywhere to go or support around me, so he manipulates everything. I’m no help with advice. But I’m someone in the same boat. Where do we go from here?