My son's dad has a whole new family and I was stupid to ask if he wanted to come and see our son in the hospital Saturday and Sunday. Our boy had appendicitis, needed surgery. Surgery did get pushed back until sunday morning but Dad never showed.
Not really surprised, he said he had work. Ok great but there's always after work.
Hasn't called to check on his son either. We've been back at home since Tuesday.
Only time I've spoken to dad was over the phone Saturday and a few txts back and forth.
Our son was really scared and yes I had another support person with us but he wanted dad.
Last night at home in bed our son was crying, he's 11. Thinking dad clearly doesn't love him enough to even come and see him at the hospital( Dad hasn't seen his son either since Christmas 2023). Which broke me and I may of sent off some txts without thinking too much about it but they come off nasty.
Am I wrong to feel bad about the txts?
I don't know anymore. I've barely caught up on sleep since we got to the hospital late Thursday night. I've been in panic mode and trying to keep it together for our son.
2 Replies
Appendicitis is really common and I know hundreds of people who have had it... Not a single person who hasn't had the surgery in time. Until I got it in 2020 (40) my daughter in 2021 (8) and my son in 2023 (12) I would have thought it was actually not a big deal. Perhaps he doesn't realise how sick you feel towards the end when waiting for surgery or the pain for the recovery period?
Maybe try to explain to your son that his dad probably didn't want to be impacting on his rest when he was in acute pain and try to explain to your ex that he was scared and would really like to see his dad once he's home and his pain subsides? Validate your son's genuine hurt whilst trying to repair the relationship that he is so clearly wanting.
Unfortunately you can’t make dad be involved in your son’s life, no matter how much you and your son want it. Perhaps speak to your son’s GP about a mental health care plan and get a referral to a psychologist, so your son has someone outside of you to discuss how he feels about dad’s lack of involvement and to lean some coping strategies.