I separated from my ex in March this year, we have 3 children. He was very controlling, manipulative and I lost the love I had for him and when I opened up when I thought there was a chance to save it he turned on me bad and I tried for over 2 years to deal with it and try and make it work but it was just so bad I couldn’t.
So I left with nothing, got myself and kids a house, got a job and a car, started from scratch with just some of the kids furniture he eventually gave.
He’s mental health since I left has gone terrible and has threatened all sorts. He doesn’t see the kids because he can’t handle it and won’t forgive me for not trying again and giving up.
The big thing now is, he won’t take the kids to see his family, I still have a good relationship with them all and they know what he’s like but he is loosing his mind because I have continued taking the kids to see his family(for occasions, haircuts(neice is a hairdresser) and today they wanted to go for a swim so we went there. I am not just hanging out with them and going for dinner or chilling there, it’s purely so the kids have a relationship with them and I said from the start that if he can’t do that I will, even though I feel awkward there(they are fine but at the end of the day I needed the relationship and left and they are his family)
Am I wrong for doing this? He says I lost my right to see his family the day I left him but the way I see it is if we didn’t have kids, fine I wouldn’t see them but if he can’t take the kids and maintain their relationship then it’s up to me, am I right in my thinking or should I just leave it and if the kids relationship suffers then too bad? I see that as selfish but maybe I’m seeing things wrong.
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2 Replies
You’re doing the right thing for the kids. I do the same for my kids. My ex and his wife don’t like it, but my kids deserve to have a relationship with their extended family. It did take a couple of years for the lines of communication to open between us, as initially they believed what he told them about me and our marriage breakdown. But now I’ll visit with the kids or on my own. Like you, if I didn’t have the kids I probably wouldn’t have contact with them. It might be worth getting some legal advice to see where you stand, but I would assume if you can amicably maintain contact with them then that is in the best interests of the children.
If he has no reason other than you shouldn't see them because you're separated then yes you are doing the right thing, he can't control everything. But if it was more complex and he was trying to cut family out for good reason then I would respect that. For example If you decided not to have anything to do with a relative for whatever reason and you didn't want your kids around them then imagine how you would feel if your ex decided that person is all good and takes your kids to see them? If that's not the case just ignore him and let your kids decide who they see not him.