Has anyone's partners suddenly lost interest in being a parent?
My husband and I have two children. Both were planned and after 5 years of marriage we both said we were ready.
When our first daughter was born he was very hands on and would even get upset if I was always holding her and he wasn't. She was a great baby and barely cried which was a blessing for first time parents. He loved being her dad and as she grew older they developed a very strong relationship.
Five months ago we welcomed out second daughter. When she was born he said he didn't want to hold her because he said she was to frail. When I reminded him that our first was a smaller baby and he didn't have a problem back then he claimed she didn't fidget as much so it was easier.
Our second tends to cry a lot especially in the early days. He claims that she is a sook and he can't stand it. He always would yell at her to shut up when she would cry even when being held. I would tell him you can't yell at a newborn but he just never got it.
Sinve she was born he just doesn't seem to want to be home. He offers to stay back at work so by the time he gets home he has to go to training (plays AFL 3 times a week) leaving me to give the kids dinner, bath and bed. On the evenings when he is home he sits on his phone or plays the PS4 and will only feed our eldest if I ask him too.
On the weekends he will spend all day gardening, washing the cars etc basically anything he can do to get out of the house. He won't take our eldest with him because he says that she is a brat now and won't listen to him. I explain that she is 2 and it's normal behavior but he said he doesn't have to put up with it.
When he is around he puts no effort in with either kids and it breaks my heart to see my daughters favourite person suddenly stop interacting with her because she is cheeky and difiant on occasion.
He was the perfect dad for a small period of time and maybe the honeymoon period is over for him but i don't know how to handle this change.
I've had no luck trying to talk to him about it because he won't listen. Any advice on how to handle it?
4 Replies
This is so sad. What ever you do, don't get pregnant either accidentally or otherwise. I know that might seem obvious but people seem to find themselves pregnant at the worst possible times!
I think hubby needs a reality check. He sounds like the guy that bought a puppy but won't walk, or clean up the dog shit and abandons it when it is harder work than he imagined.
It's time to sit down and have a good honest chat about how he is feeling and the realities of children. You can't just check out when they aren't exactly as you like and he needs to understand he is rejecting them. If he won't go and seek help for this and change his behaviour I'd set an end date in my head for ending things as I couldn't be with someone who was rejecting his own kids and was not doing absolutely everything in his power to change it and in the long term the kids would be better off not seeing him everyday reject them.
I attempted to talk to him about it today but unfortunately he wasn't up to hear it. I was hoping after posting my question I can get some ideas on how to handle it all before attempting to discuss it again.
I think you're right about setting myself a leave date if no change. Even though it kills me to think about not being with him my girls mental well being is so much more important to me. You see his dad wasn't around after he turned 3 so out of all people he should get it. Not having a dad had impacted him greatly but he always claimed that would make him a better dad.
I do worry he won't make the effort to see them if I leave though.
He's already not making the effort. And honestly to me it would feel worse to be rejected by people who lived with me!
PND (or depression of some sort) - Dads can get it too! One of my friends, her husband was severely unstable when their twins were born. Long story short, they had one child and she finally talked him round to having another and it turned out to be twins. They were both in shock I think and when they were born he became very overwhelmed, soon turning quite nasty, talking about smashing the babies heads into the walls when they cried and completely avoiding the family where he could between work and other interests.
My friend insisted he see a GP as it was behaviour completely out off character for him. They diagnosed him with depression (and her), they both sought counseling and I think he took meds for a while.
Your hubby could just be showing his true colours, or he could be really struggling with something.