Hi IMs,
I am asking on this forum because I thought someone here might know what can be done.
A male friend is in a terrible situation. His ex (mother of his 3yo) has got a new boyfriend and moved house with his daughter, and no forwarding address. He has tried calling and calling, the only response he has had is a text message saying that his daughter is fine and stop contacting please. Even his mother has called the ex's father, and discovered that her family believe she has been being abused by him and has pressed charges and waiting on court (this is not true).
He has spoken to Family Relationships Australia and cannot get an appointment for anything until next year. For him to speak to a family lawyer is costing $250 every time, but he earns too much for legal aid so it is so expensive.
Its coming up to xmas!!! There is a chance my friend, who is a wonderful father, will not even be able to see or speak to his daughter on christmas, and she will also miss out on her extended family.
I don't believe she is doing what is best interest of her child, but trying to be spiteful to him and delete him from her life so that she may play happy family with her new man.
My question is, does anyone know of another avenue he can take? Are there any steps or anyone he can speak to ? or does he just have to play the waiting game for mediation.... Its killing him!
Another question - what do you think about a mother denying a father rights to their child just out of spite?
7 Replies
Unfortunately he has to play the waiting game. It's a sad situation. Secondly he needs to make sure his behaviour is impeccable (even if her claims are untrue). So if he contacts his ex all communication has to be very polite and kept down to a minimum, he needs to make sure all communication is via text and he needs to keep the texts so she can't accuse him of scaring her, being abusive, stalking etc.
Personally the only reason fathers should be denied rights is in cases of abuse.
My only word of warning is you have no way of knowing what really was going on between your friend and his ex as abusers are very good at painting themselves in a good light to everyone except those they abused.
Sadly there is nothing that he can do :-) As long as he keeps his head on straight and doesn't let hurt, anger and whatever else get the better of him the courts will literally have her for dinner! They will go to town on her! Encourage him to keep his composure and fight through the right avenues even if it is costly. Might be a long hard wait till next year but it will be worth it when he gets to see his child again and once it is in writing there are no excuses she has to. It will be court ordered :-) I really feel for him and the child that absolutely would be feeling every bit of what he is :-(
I have to share my story. After reading this and seeing everyones comments on facebook saying its the worst thing for any parent to do and girls are bitches for doing this rant rant, i have to say i was quite highly offended as this is basically my life at the moment. Now i understand each and every situation is different and there are some girls who do it out of spite but there are also in my opinion the good ones like myself who were personally abused, not necessarily the child themself, and that is the reason why the other parent doesnt always get their way made for them. I personally never cut off contact between my daughter and her father, he remainded pretty much out of her life from birth and has never tried to visit nor see her on a regular basis. But the moment i get a new man it all changes. I get abused again and have mutual friends claiming on his behalf to me that its unfair what im doing and that i have denied him access to his child her whole life when simply im stating i want this legally done so fair is fair as i cannot handle his damaging attitude. My child however is younger than your friends 3 year old but either way it would have to be done through mediation. Ive attempted parenting plans before and he wouldnt agree to anything so there is a point where the mother just may be fed up no matter what others think and pull the plug until the person wanting the access does something about it. I do not believe anyone at all who has not been in the situation themselves should be so judgemental on another mothers behalf as its a totally different ballgame. I do hope however that your friend does get to see his child sooner rather than later and that it works in his favor. It is definitely the most toughest heartbreaking decision to make but please keep an open mind about the person on the other end as they arent always as bad as others make them out to be
Very very true!!! Could have said the very same thing!
Besides... this poster is talking about her friend... its HIS responsibility.
I feel sorry for him as I'm going though the same thing my two girls 2 and 1 the ex wife would not even let me talk to me kids on the phone even though I'm in an other state but she still being an fing bitch about it the best way to delal with it all is to take maters in to your own hands as this is what I'm going to be doing well my partner will be doing should I say lol
fathers have no voice, if mother wants to stop access she just stops it, the father takes the matter to family court after around 4 to 6 months to get a hearing the judge asks why access is stopped, mother claims child was punched by fathers partner and so so scarred of father, judge cant do a thing court orders can not be enforced in wa so mother wins father looses access and $17000 in lawyer fees., is that in the best interest of the child. Family court is worthless.
Sadly there is no one that wants to help us fathers that what we are going through with our kids mother/s in relation to seeing our kids my ex girlfriend has been doing that exact same thing for the last 1-2yrs and im lucky to see my son and daughter twice a week for 4hrs each day so all I can say is ALLTHE FATHERS NEED TO STICK TOGETHER AND GANG UP ON THE KIDS MOTHERS and hopefully someone will the listen to the GOOD FATHERS OF THEIR KIDS.
P.S: One more thing MEDIATION DOES NOT WORK ive been there and ive tried it and it DOES'NT WORK. so good luck to us all