Sister-in-law issues
Back story below- we were at a family gathering & she has a photography business, she was taking photos of all the children at this gathering. Fair enough, she did mention to my husband that she'll email him the photos with our children. I was annoyed that she took the photos without even asking us first if it's ok.
Well today I have seen 2 family members like photos of hers from her business page. These photos have my children in them! She never asked our permission to take these photos let alone use them on her facebook business page.
I'm pissed off, my husband is pissed off. He is going to call her and talk to her, as I doubt I'll be able to stay calm talking with her.
I am waiting to see what happens regarding the phone conversation, before I do anything. Although I will be reporting the photos (although that is a message to the business page) and I am also thinking of writing a review, stating that the photos weren't taken with consent and definitely posted/shared without consent. I do know & understand that by writing a negative review will undoubtedly cause problems with the family. I just hope that some will at least see my & my husbands point of view.
I'm also going to report the page.
I believe this is extremely unprofessional and can not believe she would do this.
Long story short, me and this other woman married brothers (she calls me her sister-in-law-in-law as we've married into the same family), a lot of little things happened before both of our weddings and she said she hated me.
Myself & hubby tried numerous times to sort things out. But after 3 or 4 years of trying and getting no where, we decided that we will only go to large family gatherings if she is there. We're civil and that is it.
Fast ward to now (it's been 8 years since the big fall out) and we both have children. We don't like her being around our children, yet unfortunately it happens.
31 Replies
Family fueds should not interfere with her business page! I think that's unfair. Your husband calling her and letting her know you were unhappy with the suitation is enough. I get your annoyed but I feel past history is making this seem worse than what it really is!
Hopefully after she learns of your unhappiness she will remove the photos and wont make the mistake of posting images of your children online again
Do NOT write anything on her business page. That's a huge over reaction. Even if she was a stranger you would wait for hubby to approach her about it first and see if she will take it down. It's quite possible it's all been a stupid miscommunication and you would ruin her business over that!
I get you're upset but i find what you are planning to do a bit childish. If it was such a big deal to take photos of your kids then why didnt you say anything on the day? How was she to know it was bothering you? And if she has a fb page surly it must have crossed your mind that she would post them? You could of have asked her not to put them on her page.
Just let hubby talk to her, hopefully she will remove the photos and its over. No need to get nasty and make the situation worse. Take the high road here sister!
Are these children her relatives? I mean are they her children's cousins? Seriously you want her to ask permission before taking photos of her neices and nephews? Yes she should have asked before posting them on her business page but she shouldn't have to ask to have photos of her kids cousins or her husbands family members. I would never ask my bro-in law if it was ok to take pictures of my nephew EVER I tell them I am taking photos he is my children's flesh and blood and I am damn well going to have photos so I can remember what he looked like (and so my kids can know what he looked like) as a little one. Children do not become involved in adult feuds they are neutral it's not their fault the fighting is happening and they should never be made involved.
I agree, I would never expect a family member to ask permission before taking a photo. It wouldn't even occur to me that I'd need permission just as my family members in laws or otherwise would ask my permission. I also couldn't give two hoots if a family member posted my kids photos on their page or website because I would be happy to help their business get off the ground.
I think you are seriously over reacting! If you didn't want the photos taken a simple please don't take photos of my children at the time was the best option although I wouldn't do that anyway given they are family and this was a family gathering. The photos being posted in social media without permission I agree but to ruin someone's business because of it is over kill. A simple call or text to say I would like the photos of my children you have to not be used on social media. Pretty simple really.
I think you are overreacting BIG time. Your Sil who is a professional photographer took photo's of your children free of charge. Yes it would have be polite to ask your permission to put them on her page but seriously a mature phone call explaining you are upset us sufficient enough. Don't damage her business reputation with your petty behaviour because I can grantee you would look like the silly one.
I'm sorry if that came across harsh, but maybe sleep on it.
Maybe before you go off half cocked and ruin her business think about which other kids/adults were in the photos, maybe those family members said yes and she accidentally put them up. Honestly I would just send her a text saying "oh hey I know it was probably an accident but do you mind taking down the pictures of our kids". I don't believe anyone should have to ask to take pictures of their nieces/nephews or their children's cousins. My sil, who we don't see eye to eye but we are very polite to each other, has taken pictures of my children and there is not an issue my kids are her sons cousins, they are my brothers and hers niece and nephews, I think it is great how they want the pictures.
I would be furious too if I were you, I can't stand people (even friends) taking photos of my childrens and posting them on their facebook page. I have actually never posted a picture of my childrens faces as my profile or cover photo. If I was in your position I would join the page and comment on the photo "could you please remove this photo as I don't want my children's faces posted on facebook" if she has a whinge say "I post pictures of my children in my facebook page for my friends, not for your friends or anyone else" I have multiples so people would see my pics and thinks it's cute and share my pictures because my children were a novelty to them. I would delete the pic and I starting writing with my photos *please do not share my photos they are for my friends, not yours!
People are way too relaxed about posting photos on facebook especially public pages where anyone can see.
I don't think you're overreacting as I would feel the same way - however I wouldn't write a review on the page as that's a bit passive agressive and will cause more issues. Just be upfront and honest, they are your children and you have the right to not want their images put on a public page.
Thank you for your words. I'm slightly disappointed that out of 10 comments, only 1 saw that what she did was wrong
Maybe with the amount of comments that disagree with your point of view it may be worth taking some time to think about the situation from the other perspective before talking to your sil. It does seem from the feedback that you may be the one over reacting.
Actually a lot of people acknowledged she shouldn't have put the photo up on fb, but you said you weren't ok with her taking photos in the first place ( before you knew where they would end up) - and that is over jelous and your issues with her. And writing a bad reveiw is a huge over reaction and childish behaviour.
Many have actually given you sound advice ..
She shouldn't have posted them without your permission- ask her nicely to tKe them down. It's actually that simple. If you've only acknowledge 1 out of ten that said they agrees with you - perhaps you just wanted some justification for your actions. (Not all of which are reasonable) this sisterhood is wonderful and can be very supportive- but sisters also tell the truth and tell you what should be done even if you don't want to hear it. An that's supportive too, because you sound like your heading down a road of trouble here . Good luck I hope you let the anger simmer before making decisions here xx
Make that 2! If it was me and my children were put on a Facebook or ANY media platform without my consent.... It wouldn't end well at all! Would I post negitive stuff on her business page... No. Only because I believe that it is a personal matter and I would not put personal stuff on fb. However, I would have been on the phone, if she was to far away to drive, or in my car in a heart beat to rip her a knew one and then some! It is not only a matter of legality but it is a HUGE breach of privacy! Your children are YOUR children and NOBODY has the right to put photos of your children up for all the world to see! I can't believe so many people are going on about her being the aunt so she had a RIGHT to take the pictures. YOU have the right as the childs PARENT to say who has the right to take photos of that child. No matter what or who the person is! Nobody knows the whole situation and there could be more to the story and really good reasons as to why this female is disliked so much. I have a sister in law that if she even got with in 20 feet of my kids or ever took photos of my kids at all there would be hell to pay! I have very very good reasons for feeling this way. None I'm willing to share on social media but they are there. Take a deep breathe before jumping on to her fb page. There are other ways to get your point across with out slagging off on fb and looking silly. It won't make you feel any better. Stick to your guns though no matter what people on here say. This is YOUR CHILD nobody else's!!
Thank you for the one person who could see my side of things.
This person does NOT treat myself or my husband like family. As I mentioned neither of us are friends with her or her business page. The photos could of been up for a lot longer without our knowledge!
I came here to ask if anyone could suggest what we could do. Instead I feel I was picked on.
The biggest issue was photos were taken and posted without our knowledge! On the day our children were playing with other cousins, not her's as it's a baby. We never saw her taking any of the photos. Nor did she mention she took any of our children.
Would any of you really go to someone to take photos of your children who would do something as sly to their "family"? Yes, sly - posting photos without letting us know on a page we don't like/follow or able to tag us as we aren't "friends".
Even with this info I would do exactly the same thing, get hubby to talk to her. If she takes it down you don't need to escalate. It's the sane way I'd do it even if she was a stranger!
Back story below- we were at a family gathering & she has a photography business, she was taking photos of all the children at this gathering. Fair enough, she did mention to my husband that she'll email him the photos with our children. I was annoyed that she took the photos without even asking us first if it's ok.
This is from your original post. You knew she was taking photos of all the children. I feel even if she doesn't treat you as family the children are still related to her children. Not trying to pick on you but all you can do is ask her to take them down. And at the same time explain why you would prefer your children were kept off of social media. Slandering her business is not the way to go about it. I did agree that it's not right to put their photos on social media without asking I just don't agree that an aunt should have to ask permission to take photos of her nieces and nephews.
It looks like she should have asked if she could take the photos, because a normal aunt would not use her nieces and nephews to promote her business. if she was a genuine aunt she would have taken those photos and kept them for personal use only and forwarded them to the parents as well. Looks like this aunt only wanted access to people to promote her business.
Ok you're either lying CIA you feel people are attacking you and trying to sound more reasonable- or your original post contained miss information ... You said she told your husband she would email te photos , you KNEW she was taking photos.
Some people have been too harsh and blunt - most all have agreed she shouldn't have posted the photos- but the overwhelming majority have agreed you're overreacting and reporting her page and writing a bad reveiw is spitefull and childish . No ones going to pay you on the back for that and so you go girl. Sorry if that's what you were looking for.
A lot have great advice. Get her to remove the photos. Let it go. Very, very simple. Don't let your other issues create drama in you're lives, unless you enjoy drama- then go right ahead stir the shit you're wanting to stir
Knowing the photos were getting taken & posting them without permission are two DIFFERENT things!
Just because I know someone is taking a photo doesn't mean I give them permission to do what they want with it!
I take pics of my neices & nephews & DON'T post them on social media because i don't have their permission!!! Regardless how much i love the kids.
How is it childish & spiteful to stand up for your rights?!?! Have you never given bad reviews to companies you have had dealings with? Have you not spoken to family/friends about a bad service you recieved? Have you never filled out a survey with "bad feedback"
I agree the person should first get her husband to ask for them to be removed BUT she has every right to take it further if she isn't satisfied with the outcome.....
You're right, not everyone agrees with what she wants to do but she has every RIGHT to do it & people could be more tactful about how they say things?
Yes we are a sisterhood but if she is feeling attacked it's because she IS being attacked & not just getting advice.
I tried supporting a family members business only get have 1/2 the job done before they pulled out & we had to get someone else to finish it. That was bad business practice & I have no problems telling people IF the situation/topic comes up ( and no i don't "create" ways for it to come up & I don't go out of my way to make what happened known).
A bad business review might affect the photography business but so will the photographers bad (& illegal) business practices.
Just because someone is family doesn't mean they are exempt from certain things or can get away with what they want.
The original post never said WHEN her husband was told she would email the photos. For all we know it could have been a few days after the fact. To suggest she is lying is not needed. She is very obviously upset by it all. And rightly so I think. Did she maybe go over board with the whole reporting the page? Maybe. But is a first reaction. Made while emotions are high. Maybe if others, instead of attacking her (which is what everyone is doing) calmly posted that maybe it wasn't a good idea to post negative reviews or report the page (I would have reported the page) she wouldn't feel like she was being attacked. Some of the comments are not only harsh but are also really really bloody horrible! Yes she asked for opions but never once did she asked to be attacked, insulted, abused and basically treated like she had no rights as the mother and the worst person in the world because she was upset over the whole thing. It's really horrible to see so many people being downright nasty to her!
You said your husband did know cos u said the SiL said she would email him the photos ?
How would you feel if she took photos at family events of everyone but your family?? Would you feel left out? I wish I had someone take my photo (I'm always taking photos of others) I would love a professional photo of my family, what a blessing! Fair enough take the photos down off Facebook, but when your kids ask why their cousins have photos and not them what will you say? I'm not sure what your past issues are, it wasn't said in the post but maybe you and hubby need to stop holding a grudge and forgive. Life is too short.
I could have written this....
i would msg her and ask her to remove them by tomorrow before reporting it.
Ive also had to resort to this after my inlaws refused to stop posting pics of my kids up as well as hard as it is they are your kids and u have the right to say no
Maybe they are super proud of their grandchildren ans want to show them off! Unless they were naked or inappropriate pictures you are seriously over reacting. Your poor in laws
They might be proud of their grandchildren but that's just it... it's their grandchild, not their child so therefore the grandparents should RESPECT the parents rights, beliefs, how they raise their kids!!!
Yes grandparents have a special bond with children (as so aunts/uncles) but doesn't give them the right to do what ever they want.
As a parent we have a right to inforce what we want for our children. While we are learning along the way & we do ask advice from people it's up to us to decide what we accept & what we implement.
Wow you have major issues!! My sister in laws take heaps of photos of my kids..... because they are family and they love them, and I take photos of my nieces and nephews all the time! My friend is a photographer and put pictures of our family on their advertising material... ii was honoured and proud . I think you and your husband seriously need to lighten up.
History aside, I have a public page where I upload a lot of photos including children and I would never show another child's face/identity unless I had parental permission. It's unethical. I would not be too happy if a photographer was using images of my children without asking either. It's a respect thing as well as identity protection for the child.
Couldn't agree more!
Personally i would get hubby to make the phone call (put a time limit to remove the photos - like 2 hours since it can be dont via phones now not just on computer), tell them it will be taken further, eg: reporting, bad reviews, etc. Give them a chance to correct it before going further.
Wow, ok i get people have opinions but seriously attacking this person "get off your high horse",, "you are childish" just wow. How about giving your opinion without attacking the person, no wonder it was posted anonymously (& why i am doing the same).
I support this person, family or not they should have been asked permission ESPECIALLY if they were told they were hated by said photographer & it hasn't been good between them for 8 years or whatever.
I know (in victoria) it is ILLEGAL to post pictures/videos/etc of ANYONE without their permission, even if that person posts pics of themselves on social media!! So family or not, it's ILLEGAL & as a business owner they would know that!!
To the people who say "why not say something on the day" - from experience with in-law dramas & family occassions i personally wouldn't say anything at a gathering as i wouldn't want to cause an issue & ruin someones event (as i have had people bring their personal issues to my events & caused problems which i was pissed off about), so they probably kept their mouth shut so they didn't upset the rest of the family....
And i might be condemmed for saying this but family or not if someone has treated me poorly then i do make sure we seperate ourselves from them & that includes our kids!! I do not want my child growing up around someone who was blaintly rude to me/hubby..... who would happily mouth off about & disrespect myself or my family. It's called surrounding yourself with good people.
Sometimes being "family" isn't enough to forgive & forget & sometimes "family" don't deserve a 2nd/3rd/4th chance (how many times to you have to be hurt by "family" before it's ok to say you've had enough?!?!)
There is family members on both sides of our family who hubby & i agree will never look after our children either for safety reasons or because of the type of person they are. We do not want our child influenced by them.
Also, as a business owner, said photographer should know they need permission so if they get bad reviews then its the PHOTOGRAPHERS fault not the person making the review (because if the photographer did the right thing in the first place then there would be no bad review!!)
Wow first world problems much! I love it when my in laws take photos of my kids it means they love them! And to put them on her business page for everyone to see, I would personally feel honoured! I know there are parents out there who don't like photos of their kids on the internet which is fair enough, but to report her page and write a bad review for everyone to see, that is horrible!