My partner proposed about a year ago and i happily accepted. We have a great relationship.
We live near his family and im not close with mine.
His family have always been blunt and very stand off ish about me for no reason, things have lightened up though.
i wanted to plan my wedding but with no idea where to start i thought to ask his family.
They just dont seem interested though.
i spoke to my partner about not having speeches or dancing with parents cos its gunna be too awkward and im sure they have nothing to say.
ive tried attempting more time with them but unless my partner is there i dont hear from them or see them and they are always "busy'.
My wedding seems ruined if i cant even be close with the family im joining..
suggestions?
in law issues
in law issues
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Sisterhood Stories, Behaviour
4 Replies
Your wedding is not ruined. A wedding is about celebrating your love to ONE other person. It's not about if you are close to his or your family. His family, your family or who ever might be involved are just the observers!
Don't make the mistake of thinking that a wedding has to be out speeches, and formalities because even the closest families and friends can screw that up. Worry about you and your partner exchanging vows. That is the only part that is important.
Back off on his family. Not all families are close with daughter or son in laws and if they are it can take a lot longer than a year for that to happen. I'd find it strange to catch up with my brother in laws without my sisters. In fact I'm pretty sure they'd find it strange to do so too! Just because you marry in to a family it doesn't make you automatically close. My mum would not call her parents in law, she always gets my dad to do it and they have been together 40+ years.
As long as your close to your family and your partner is close to his that's all that matters, just like you aren't always going to be as friendly with each other's friends.
It sounds like your over thinking it all.
I think a lot of people in your situation would get friends to help plan the wedding and your partner should be approaching his family about how he would like them to participate just like you will be the one that approaches your family.
Just chill sweetie, i understand that you probably have a vision of your wedding and its not quite working out, but just focus on you and your partner and the love, honestly ive been to hundreds of weddings (i work in the industry) and the best ones are the ones where the love shines through
In all honesty it's your day, the only thing I requested on my wedding day was that my mil had a dance with her son, no one on his side other than his brother who was best man said a speach and they tried to make our day their day but at the end of it it doesn't matter as long as you and hubby love each other
I know that feeling! My inlaws have always been standoffish and I've always felt like I was the outsider they were looking down their smug upturned pug noses at. I had 3 family members at my wedding. My whole wedding was organised around my hubby and his family. He wanted to get married overlooking the beach (I wanted church) his mum wanted the reception at her place so that's where it was, and since it was there they got to choose the menu, drinks, decorations. I got to meet with the decorator but everything I got shot down - oh your mum in law wants this and that... Music was not my choice, same with the flowers, my gown, bridesmaids dresses etc all got changed to suit the in laws. We asked for a week off work for a honeymoon- never happened. It was awful. The entire thing was a stress fest. We both worked for them too so we never even got time off when I had my last child (never got time off with any of our kids) they ended up keeping hubby working away and encouraged him to have an affair with one of their other staff. Afterall I'd made the mistake of putting kids before money (work). Now we've split up and I used to invite the inlaws over weekly to see the kids- either to call in, or a BBQ at the park, I even offered to take my kids there and drop them off. My mil didn't see my daughter for 14 months. My now ex doesn't see any problem with that. My advice is don't let them walk all over you or they could ruin your marriage too!