Good morning all, i have been struggling severely since me and my partner of near on 6 yrs broke up. since then we had a small window where we were completely fine, talking properly, no aggression, no hatred, then within a matter of weeks she throws everything i have been working on straight in my face, says im not capable of looking after my own children, says i never think of them. and is now trying to put things in place that dont need to be there because of stories that have been made up and passed down the line from person to person, and now when i hear about it, its completely mental, i cant even get a straight answer out of her unless shes in control, and it hurts, i was with my children at least 4-5 days a week, and now going from that to 3 hrs a day, for 1-3 days a week, i cant do it. its to painful for me to do, on top of that, there is no communication, im constantly getting picked at, mentally/psychologically, and she doesnt see what this is doing to my mental wellbeing, i dont understand why i am being mentally and psychologically abused when all i have wanted is to resolve our issues. i also have some very touchy information that could make things a whole lot worse, and dont want to have to resort to using said information but the way things are going, my ex is giving me no other option, and i hate that it has come to this.... all i want is to be with my kids and resolve all these issues but everytime i try to do so i keep hitting the same wall..... and its driving me to the point that i have been having suicidal thoughts and dreams, and i dont like them. part of me thinks it would be easier if i did such a thing, but i cant bring myself to leave my children in the care of someone who plays all these mind games with people and still thinks im a pathetic parent. i just dont no what to do anymore..... i need help, and the person i asked to help me hasnt done anything, even though they promised they would..... im just so lost, i feel like i cant breathe, i want this to be over, i cant take it anymore..... please, any advice that may help me get out of this rut im in would be so appreciated. i dont no how much longer i can do this for.
Imperfect dad.
4 Replies
Firstly you need to look after you. Make sure you are using services available to you. Ring Lifeline to help you through. Make an appointment with your GP (ask for it to be a long appointment) and explain how your feeling. You need to hang in there for your babies suicide leaves a dreadful mark on those left behind. Your GP should recommend some counselling and possibly medication to help you through. It can take some time for the counsellor to be set up so see your GP as often as you need to until that happens. Don't self medicate with alcohol (it's tempting but it's a depressant and screws with your head). Remember your kids are your kids wether you see them everyday or a few hours a week. They still love you, you still love them no matter what nothing can change that. Make sure the care arrangements are going through the proper channels. By that I mean parenting plan through mediation. The service is there to protect everyone's rights and stop things getting ridiculous. Also seek some legal advice, in my experience just knowing your rights can make things feel less out of control.
Firstly I'd like to say good on you ! I'd give anything to have a guy like you in my life. I am separated from my husband because of domestic violence so I know what it feels like to be made to feel like everything is your fault. I'd like you to ask yourself this question. Do the kids tell mum how much fun they have with daddy? Is it possible she is jealous about how they talk you up all the time ?
Jealousy can play a big part in the way people react to certain situations. Saying don't let her win only states that you are playing her game and that's not the way we want to go here. It's about maturity and responsibility. I know it's hard but try not to let your sadness overcome you. There will come a day when you are winning in life both of your own and with your children . Consider speaking to a lawyer about your options but one thing which is very important... Keep a diary... Even backdate it. Date any photos of you and the kids out at places or at home etc.... Any phone conversations with your ex or your children. The date and time and the discussion . These will go a long way to helping you should you need to go to court at all. Most of all, stay away from negative people and surround yourself with supportive trusting friends. Ones that make you smile ... Take care and I hope this all settles soon
Don't go low enough to use information that will make things a whole lot worse. Go seek help from both a lawyer and counsellor. I can't help but wonder what is she trying to get in place?
I wish you the best of luck mate... My ex hubby took up drugs and with that came domestic violence. I would give anything for my daughter to have a dad that is even half as decent as you sound! My advice is to not play the game and keep your head held high. People like that tend to dig their own graves. I second documenting EVERYTHING! Dates and just as important times. Please seek assistance with regards to the suicidal thoughts. No one should feel that way :-(