ANGER ANGER ANGER!!
Hi IM's. I find myself continuously holding a grudge against people who at one time or another, played big parts in my life. These people, in my books, did wrong by me, some once, others, numerous times, all of which have acknowledged this, however regardless of how many apologies or acts of kindness in gaining entry back into my life, the idea of "Forgive & Forget" does not out way the resentment I hold within, towards these individuals. I always find it very hard to shake this feeling & can't seem to just let go and move on with my life, with or without them in it, even though I know it is the healthiest of options.
I know that a lot of people will say "What if something happened to this particular person tomorrow & you never got the chance to make things right".. I understand this and of course I would be upset, but it's a lot easier said then done. Big parts of me want to just move on, but bigger parts of me just can't bring myself to let it go.
I'm probably just acting immature, selfish or completely stubborn in other people's eyes, however surely someone has felt like me at one time or another, or can help me with some useful hints and tips on how to move on past these feelings & just start to live my life to the fullest, minus all the anger & resentment!
8 Replies
Hmm this is a hard one. I personally believe "forgive and forget" isn't necessarily the best thing to do, I believe forgiveness is great, but forgetting is not useful, as if we forgot, we would not be learning from the situation and might leave us open to being abused by the same person again etc. Someone once told me "to forgive is to set a person free and realise that person is yourself". In this way it says that I'm giving myself permission to let go of the anger. I personally have forgiven people and while I still get angry when remembering sometimes, it is not an all consuming bitterness. I certainly haven't forgotten, but have used the experience to set healthy boundaries in my life. Not sure if this helps, but this is my experience. Good luck in finding peace xxx
This reply is very open & honest! Thank you!! X
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself so you are not walking around feeling eaten up inside. Forgetting, some things should never be forgotten. I will never forget that an ex cheated on me, but I have forgiven him, BUT I did not take him back.
It depends on the level of what a person did too. There are some things that would end a friendship for me, like a friend who yelled and screamed at me and called me a bad mother because I tried to brake up a fight she was in, is no longer my friend and although Ive let go and 'forgiven' I have not forgotten and I will never have her around me ever again. The girlfriend who forgot my birthday party because she was having a hard time that month is forgiven, still my friend and I would not have even remembered if this conversation came up.
I've gotten better at this as I aged when I was younger I held grudges more but I realised it was because I was really really embarrassed and felt like Id been made a fool of!
They are definitely mostly friendship related. These people have put me in situations where I have felt unsafe, humiliated or alone, even though, they knew me beyond well enough, to know that the things in question, I didn't agree with, associate with, or believe in etc In a non selfish way, I feel as though I support and guide these people through their own lives, whilst putting my own on the back burner, then all of a sudden, their on another level in life and im 30 steps behind. Sometimes I feel as though I do way way way, to much for people & not enough for myself! Thank you very much for your reply. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Xxx
I'm glad you got something out of it. That friend who yelled at me was quite similar to the way you describe your friends. She even got us locked in an apartment building once with a couple if strange men. It was very dangerous and I would never have put myself in that situation in my own. I felt protective if her though and couldn't let her go in alone and couldn't convince her not to go in!
Yes!! That is my issue. I feel like I can't let them learn the hard way etc, so I support them through it, but there is only ever a silverlining on the other side for them & not really me.
It all depends......
Are you completely innocent in these situations?
Just from my past experiences people love to act like they are the helpless ones when in fact they are actually the guilty party! Not saying that YOU are, I'm just saying you need to also look within your self and your actions. Ask your self "what may have caused these people (it's obvious that there is a few) to act in this way?" "What can I do to change my actions to stop people treating me this way?"
I'm just saying this because I had a friend who treated me absolutely appalling then in the same breath turned it around onto her self. She made the other people look bad when in fact it was her actions that caused the issues in the first place.
those you keep resentment for...... own your life! Time to release the hate, it takes a toll of your mental health and also your physical health. Are any of those people worth it.... you NEVER get back the time you waste holding onto hate and anger. Take back your life!