Hi Mum's... i have a rather sensitive and confusing question and need your help. I'm REALLY sorry about the length :(
We have number 2 due in just a couple of weeks. I'm exhausted and am suffering from sciatica, pelvic instability and general exhaustion that comes with pregnancy and looking after a 3.5yo at home each day. My partner is working in a stressful and relatively new job (7mths in). Over the past 3-4 weeks I feel like all I've been doing in sitting at home with my LO (I'm not allowed to do any exercise e.g. walking and have been threatened with bed rest), cooking, cleaning, washing and listening to my partner talk about work from the minute he walks in the door (about 7pm) until the minute he leaves the following morning. The exception being weekends when it goes alllll weekend. He hasn't asked about the baby (or me) in weeks. I've asked questions like "Have you had any thoughts on names?" and "Could you help with dinner tonight as I'm really tired" and all I get is a grunt.
Tonight he reached the end of his rope and said that he feels trapped as we are unable to afford to go out, he's unable to go off and do things (e.g. camping, get drunk with mates...) because it is too close to babies arrival. I almost hit the roof but instead decided not to because trapped is exactly how I'm feeling! I felt the mutual understanding would be a positive thing.
Obviously things are about to get a whole lot more hectic and being 'trapped' is a feeling that will continue for months ahead but how do we get around this? What has worked for you? I want to help both of us and ensure our family does not become one of the statistics. I feel like we both might be entering in to the 'blue' world and need some advice especially to get my thoughts in to order before sleep deprivation hits big time! Please help :(
3 Replies
Hmmm I can't comment with any understanding as I've not been in this situation but I will say the following....
Life is about choices and you can choose your own path, as can your hubby. Your options are super limited given your physical situation but you could choose to spend these next few weeks working with hubby to improve both of your perspectives on the present situation. You could also immerse yourself in your child who is not going to be an only child for much longer...
Good luck Mumma!
Oh I feel for you, my hubby and I went through this when I was pregnant with our 2nd and we had a 2 year old to run after. My hubby was suffering from bad anxiety during my pregnancy and was not emotionally able to support me much as he normally does, which was really hard on me, as I felt so alone. It can be such a stressful time and I dont really know what to suggest, but if you have anyone to take the your 3.5 year old out, I would do it. Then as tired as you are, just go out for dinner with your hubby or just spend time together. You dont need to necessariily talk about the bubs, but just talk and relax! My sister told me several times when I was pregnant just to take time out with my hubby, cos when bubs comes, the attention will be on them for quite a while! Also maybe if you feel that things are getting really bad in your marriage, you could try marriage counselling, we have also done that! There is no shame and it helps just to put everything into perspective on why you might both be feeling like this., Take care of yourself xxxx
I don't have a magic solution, however hubby and I went though a similar phase jut after no 2 was born. Only diff was we both where angry and there was no civil conversation. We both said we wanted out. However we decided it was rash and give each other breathing room. Financially we couldn't change much but I encouraged him to see friends and reconnect, as I booked in the same for me. We also started family funday Sunday. Where the day was spent doing family stuff, picnic, bike ride, beach, walk, free cheap stuff locally etc. I also said we needed to be just us, so used friends and family to look after the kids for a couple hrs to have date time. It was a decision that saved our marriage. Now 4 yard later he has a hobby and I enjoy mine. I also live working, made me feel human and like i too was important out side of home. It's not easy being married and maybe it's time to work harder. Good luck :-)