Ladies help me please.
My ex partner, my cousin and the girl they've both been sleeping with have put me in a horrible situation.
Let me start by saying my ex hit me up for full custody, because I have my son baby sat twice a week so I can work he thinks this is unacceptable. He is also guilty of calling me fat lazy and usless when I didn't have a job.
He works as a timber cutter with his parents and often takes our son with him on his days and his mother helps watch him. I'm not in the position to do this.
Anyway, on Wednsday he was in town at the local pub so I took my son there quickly to see him it was only brief visit, a mistake as it left my son hysterical for bed and ended in me calling his father 4 times to see if he could calm him fone over the ohone. He was drunk and disinterested. I ended up getting in my car with my son and ran a few errands I hadn't had time to do during the day or while I was at work. I stopped into the pub at 11:30 ish to grab myself a well earned 4pk. My son still wide awake, driving around clearly didn't help. I had a yarn to my ex, he was talking about getting into a blew so I told the publicans about the mood he was in. I then gave my cousin a lift home, and my ex had also requested a lift at midnight.
So off I went took my cousin home, and then went to a friends place on the other side of town to chat and have a few drinks.
And my son went to sleep there.
Midnight rolled around, i rang my ex to see if he needed a lift still no answer, so I drove up anyway and left him with my friend, turns out him, my cousin and this girl where all drink driving, I pulled up at the pub behind them got out to ask what was happening, they sped off. So I obviously had to follow them to a point as where I was going was in the sane direction but they turned one way and I turned the other and headed back to my friends. I sent him a message a little later saying I'd had a few more drinks and could no longer give him a lift if needed.
I'm unsure of what has happened in between then and the phone call I received near 1 of him abusing me and screaming down my ohone.
But the next day I find out they had hit something in the car and are accusing me if side swiping her.
The only thing I can think of is that can't claim insurance because she would have been drinking. And he dan use this against me to take full custody.
To make matters worse they didn't see the police until the next day when obviously she was sober again. I didn't know anything about it until it was to late. We live in a small town the police station is rarely open.
To put the icing on the cake, a week ago when I was away, id come out of the shopping centre to find someone has scraped up my car, which my ex partner new about.
I've had people look at it and say that it doesn't look like it's been from a car so I guess that may help.
But I'm stressing, the police here don't listen I've always been pinned the bad guy my ex goes to the police and has fabricated nonsense which resulted in a Dvo. No one believes me I don't want to lose my son.
I've already got to see the police because he made a complaint that I slapped him. (He was in my face calling me a slut and a whore because I wouldn't sleep with him and he's been told I'd slept with someone else, which is untrue) so yes I slapped him.
What on earth do I do.
Help me please. Sorry for the long read. I'm desperate.
Help me please. Sorry for the long read. I'm desperate.
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Mental Health, Self Care, Health & Wellbeing, FAQ
14 Replies
Firstly stop being so nice to your ex. Don't pick him up, don't take him places. And don't sleep with him. Keep all your text messages from him and write down any abusive phone calls you get from him. Next he can't take your son because you're getting him babysat so you can work that's ridiculous. If you can get hours when your ex has your son then do that. Do not drive after you've been drinking. It was probably a trolley that has scraped down your car. You have your friend as an alibi to when they probably are trying to claim that you side swiped them and you have your call logs. Next don't slap him again. Walk away and if he hurts you go straight to the police and report it!! You are no longer his girlfriend and no longer his property. This is why he is called an ex. Living in a small town is difficult but if you can leave take your son and go if you don't have custody orders in place go straight to mediation and then to court if they cannot help you. But get in first so you can get legal aid. The more you play into their hands the easier it is for them to control you.
Maybe it's a small town thing but I don't understand this situation at all.
Firstly get legal advice.
Secondly why would you take your son to a pub where your ex is drinking? That to me screams potential disaster, pub = drunk people, not people you want your son around. Why then would you ring a potentially drunk person for support later? Why would you be responsible for driving three drunk people home with your child in the car?? Can you see how you are putting your child at risk and how much ammo you are giving your ex with your decisions? Why would you tell your ex you've had one too many to drive when you have your son in your care? More ammo for him to use!
I don't want to pin you as the bad guy but you've got to start making smart decisions. If your ex is a bad guy don't put yourself around him anymore. Don't have friendly chats in the pub. Keep away except for when you have to exchange care of your son. Don't interact when alcohol or drugs are involved and how they get home from the pub is none of your business, keep as far away as possible. If he is in the pub, decide to go somewhere else, no reason to be around him, alcohol is not a necessity even after a hard day.
What the hell are you doing drinking and running around at pubs and in the middle of the night with and for this guy?? He was intoxicated he couldn't even put your child to bed. You went and sought him out after that and after you'd had some drinks. It's clear he's not your friend stop putting yourself in these situations where anything can be claimed. It's toxic.
My child was not in the car. He was asleep in bed at my friends place which I said. Only 1 drunk person was getting in the car. His father I also have my open license so I'm allowed one standard drink. Which was all I had had before I'd gotten in the car again. After I'd gotten home I'd had one or two more before deciding it was bed time and I was no longer driving. My son was not in the car at any stage while there was alcohol in my system.
There wouldn't have been alcohol in my system by the time I even drove.
Perhaps I have worded it wrong
You don't want to give your EX ammo. Ok so if your son wasn't in the car that's great but why are you picking up your EX? he's a big boy, he's got arms and legs he can walk and yes I've walked Kms to get home before so no I don't understand why you'd purposefully put yourself in a situation where you'd get abused. He's your ex for a reason. Also don't take your son to the pub, pubs aren't places for little kids unless it's to have dinner and leave again. Your ex sounds emotionally abusive stay away from this guy unless it's for pick ups or drop offs with your child. You'll just make life harder for yourself.
So you think your actions were ok? Do you think your son had the best possible care? If your answers are yes I think maybe you've missed the point completely! Your child deserves better
It's not the wording! none of this should have happened and you need to stop making up excuses to explain why you need to do this or why it's okay that you did it.
Take your child home, do a bedtime routine and stay at home with him until morning.
Stop blaming your ex it's not tit for tat that leaves your child with two poor parents and a big mess. look at your own actions - you are in care of a baby, your ex is not he can go to the pub and do whatever he wants.
Look at yourself and your actions and ownership in this.
Personally I would remove this post, you never know who is reading it. You've ID yourself.
Why are you driving around at 11.30 with your son? No wonder he has so much to use against you. No offence but you need to make smarter decisions!
Driving helps put him to sleep sometimes.
That's an excuse to make what you did ok in your mind.
I wonder if you see how everything else you did contributed to your problem about the car claim at the end? Or is just the car claim your issue? If that didn't happen do you think the night was pretty normal and ok?
Stop the small town drama! I live in a small town and I see it all the time and it shits me to tears. Do not take your kid to the pub to see his father, if his father wants to see him he can make the bloody effort to do so sober at a more suitable place. When your kid won't settle for bed, don't call his father whom you already know is drunk and disinterested, what kind of message does that teach your son as he's growing up! And don't put him in the car and drive around until 11:30 at night, where is his routine? If he's upset at bed time you sit with him, you read to him, you watch a favourite show to calm him, you don't run errands into the night (I really don't want to know what kind of "errands" can even be run at this time) and drag your kid along with you - he should be in bed. At 11:30 when you're at the pub talking to your drunk ex where is your kid? You hadn't been to your friends place yet so your kid was wide awake at the pub at 11:30 at night? Bad, bad, bad decisions, stop giving your ex all the ammo he needs against you. Bed time will be easier if you design a routine suitable for his age and stick to it - dinner, bath, wind down time and bed at a reasonable hour, there will be resistance at first since you haven't done it before but do it now or it will just get worse.
You need to grow up, your son shouldn't be driving around after your ex and he shouldn't be making pit stops at the pub 2-3 times a day. Live your life for your son and yourself and not for everyone else. You definitely need a wake up call.
Your going to cop a lot of flack for your part in this. Yes he did the wrong thing but so did you. You need to work out how to start becoming a better parent for your child and that starts by not running around after your ex and instead focusing on your child. Your ex is not a priority anymore your child is. Focus on loving and enjoying your child and you will slowly find things start to get much better with him and he is easier to handle when he is having those meltdowns.
As for your ex his behaviour is disgusting! Do not interact with him while he is drinking. If he calls simply tell him your not talking to him until he is sober and hang up. No your not going to give him or anyone else lifts home from the pub because your place is at home with your kid. If they have the money to drink they have the money to pay for a cab. Next time you see anyone drink driving call 000 and report it immediately. They could kill someone! No they can't claim insurance as they were driving illegally. Go to the police and tell them and also give them names of people who would have witnessed it including the name of the pub they were drinking at. They can get video footage if there is any to support your side.
Go and get yourself a job. You will not loose custody for trying to provide for your child as long as they have suitable and safe supervision while your working.
And lastly keep your hands to yourself. Yes he has a dvo but if you keep interacting with him you will give him ammo to renew it. If you don't have anything to do with him and limit interaction to a public place then he won't have anything to use against you. This doesn't mean your son can't have a relationship with his father it just means that you don't have to.