Hi fellow imperfect mums, I'm just really needing some advice in a huge hurry and will try to keep this very brief.
I have a gorgeous, smart 9 year old son. I separated from his dad 8 years ago due to a lot of reasons but mainly emotional abuse and his mental instability. He has been briefly in and out of my son's up until a year ago when he moved back to our home town. Me and my partner have tried hard to encourage my son to have a relationship with his father and have never said no to him spending time with him. Fast forward to now and my son has flat out decided he doesn't want to see him ever again (he has told this to the police and our local doctor) and the matter is heading to court as he's refused mediation. The only problem is I have to wait until next week to see my lawyer and I'm so fearful to drag my son kicking and screaming to his father's house - well I'm not going to do it! I guess my question is whether there will be any implications legally wise to me not forcing him to go with him (I'm not the one saying 'no' it is my son). And does anyone have any personal experiences with court cases such as this? Any advice would be so appreciated. Thank so much in advance.
Son Refusing to See Father - Help/Advice Please
Son Refusing to See Father - Help/Advice Please
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3 Replies
No advice sorry. Just wanted to say if my son flat out refused I wouldn't drag him kicking and screaming to see his father (he is as heavy as me anyway so I would have no chance haha) I'm not prepared to break my relationship with our/my child forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do. Imo and only my opinion.... If my children don't like/want something they have a voice and they should use it!!!
I am not in this situation, so don't take my advice to heart -
Ask your son why he doesn't want a relationship with his fathers. Is it because he's always bored there? Or is it because he's not treated right?
If it is because he's bored there, politely explain that he needs to have a relationship with his father and he might regret it when he's older if he doesn't.
If it's something sinister, discuss alternatives.
Such as - if daddy hits him when he's naughty, would he be open to supervised visits where someone's always there to protect him?
A court almost never refuses access. I was in a court room where a father kidnapped his daughter for years. He was he granted access (supervised) after he got out of jail.
As horrible as it sounds, your son will need to learn to deal with it.
Can you perhaps offer supervised visits until it goes back to medication, that way your son has you there for moral support?
Try and encourage the relationship as much as possible. Don't tell your son that he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to (it doesn't look good in court)
Also, if there is no court orders in place you cannot get into legal trouble for not allowing contact.
BUT
It looks bad if you aren't encouraging contact.
So get as much written proof as possible that your son doesn't want to go and that it's his choice (and that you aren't persuading his decision) and that you're still open to them having a relationship.
Start a diary and rely on your lawyer for the rest.
I'm in the same boat. My son has just turned 7 though. He hates going. He tells his dad every time we get there. He gets so angry with me. I'm too scared to let him make up his own mind because I can't afford court. But, my son complains about his step mum. They go to the beach and she takes photos of herself in micro bikinis. My son gets so embarrassed seeing her vag and nipples and everyone staring. He's seen her clit piercing (and told kids at school). He's had to sit in the car watching Peppa Pig with his little brother while she and his dad took photos of her in see through bikinis and changing in the open at darling harbour. I will stop visits soon because of this. But it's hard to know if court will make things better or worse. Either way our kids see us as the bad guy forcing them to go