Hi sisterhood. To those who may have been in a similar situation. My husband and I are in our early thirties. We've been together for 7 years and have two beautiful healthy children. We've been through so much over the past few years I won't explain what but please understand it's been massive strain finically, emotionally and physically for the both of us. We've just found out I'm pregnant and very early 5 weeks. We have talked and weighed up our options. We are going to terminate as adding another baby to our lives will not only put massive strain on our relationship but my mental health. I just don't know anyone who has been in this type of situation and along with professional help we are currently seeking, I'm scared about the whole procedure also the aftermath of guilt and emotions that will come along with this type of situation . Don't for one second think I'm insensitive or selfish, I never once thought I'd have to make this decision so it is very emotionally straining for me. Thanks
10 Replies
Despite some myths there was a study done recently that showed majority of women don't regret having an abortion. They do it knowing that they are making the best decision for there family and themselves at the time. If you know your reasons then you have no reason to feel guilty at all! Putting your current family ahead of a few cells in your body is not abything to feel guilty about. Looking after your family you have is not selfish in fact it is selfless!!!!!
As to the procedure It depends on what procedure you have done, surgical or medical.
I have had a termination in between my 1st and 2nd children. I don't regret it at all it was the best choice for my partner and I at the time. I'm happy to chat if you'd like to- no judgement :)
No judgment here as if i were to ever fall pregnant again, i would take this path also. However my husband and I have taken every measure possible to ensure this doesn't happen. Might be time to look into a more permanent contraception. I wish you the best of luck.
I had a termination after our second. I didn't regret it for 5 or 6 years. I pushed it to the back of my brain. I regret it now. BUT, I also know at the time, I couldnt' physically cope. I had a 5 month old that woke every 40 minutes, a 1 year old and I also had morning sickness that lasted all day and night.. which I also had with my first two and I knew it wasn't going to let up for3-6 months, like with previous pregnancies. My husband was a shift worker (at night).. I had no family help and I just physically couldn't go through with it. I wish with all my heart that I could have. Just know that whatever decision you make, is the right one, for this moment. No matter how you wish it were different.
Thank you so much, my appointment is tomorrow and I am very much ready for it to be over, I've been very sick and extremely tired I haven't been able to cope with day to day activities properly and my kids have been amazing. Hubby and I are just in no state for another baby over the next year and my last pregnancy was awful I just can't do it. I have been looking at contraception over the past few months but to be honest I don't like how they mess with hormones. Obviously we will be taking every precaution as of now. I will always be sad about loosing a potential baby but two is enough for us and because I am so early on I do feel in control, if I was any later in the pregnancy it would be different. Thank you for all your kind words.
I hope everything went well with your appointment. I can 100% say not everyone feels guilt and sadness afterwards. I too made that choice and not once have I regretted my decision. What an awesome mum you are for thinking about your family and wanting to provide the best oossible life for those you chose to bring into the world. Don't feel bad for making a decision others don't agree with. We have a choice. It's not their decision to make. You were very early along so no big deal in my eyes. Wishing you a speedy recovery and the very best for the future. I truly hope 2016 is a better year for you xxxx
I was in a similiar situation last year.
We have two children and werent planning on anymore.
Hubby works away and once the morning sickness kicked in I couldnt cope. Im a strong person normally...but I was a mess.
We ended up terminating...there have been alot of tears. Somedays i regret the decision, other days I think I did the right thing.
I keep telling myself, that we made a decision, we have to accept it and move on.
I suggest sit down with your partner and work out what is best for you whole family... And accept your decision without feeling guilty.
The procedure isnt traumatic...your emotions are the hardest thing to deal with.
Best of luck x
Hi. I could have wrote this myself. This was our exact situation in September and it took until 11.5 weeks to finally make up our minds whether to keep it or not.
My biggest fear was regret, but as soon as i walked out of the clinic after the termination I felt so much better. I felt like the weight of the world was lifted of my shoulders and within the week, I felt I had myself (mentally) back.
At times I wonder what if, and I think that's normal, because you wouldn't be human if you didn't process it.
Three months down the line, hubby and I have decided that we might have another down the line, and while we are at times sad about the unknown and the could have been, we made the best decision for us at the time. Please know it is ok to grieve after the fact and as long as you talk about it and let it out, you will be fine.
I wish you and your partner all the best. You are not alone and we all send our love and support your way xoxo
I completely understand where you are coming from, and did the same thing when I found out I was pregnant and had 3 kids already. We had been together since our teens, still very much in love but with two older kids and a 16 month old, our older child sharing with 16 month old sibling, dealing with financial strain from our own business and me with depression and anxiety. I didn't want my kids to suffer with seeing me be pushed over the edge. I did not think I could do pregnancy or raising another child physically or mentally again. I made an appt but felt so wrong about it. Found another clinic run by a woman Doctor committed to helping women, made an appt there and felt better. Never have I been through a more stressful time (the lead up). I thought I might pull out, but woke up on the day and just felt I knew what I had to do. I chose me, for once. I will always put others first, but this time I just couldn't. The staff were lovely, the procedure was fine and I felt fine after. I have never felt much guilt or really sad about it because I felt I did what I had to, for me, for my family and my marriage. I sometimes wonder what might have been, but am fine with it. Looking back I feel it was the right thing for us. It is very different finding out you are pregnant unexpectedly when you want kids one day but just hadn't planned it, versus being in a position where you know you are done and have other kids already here to consider. All the best, go with your gut. Make the appt, and if it's right for you, your instincts will take you through the experience, if not they will shout at you that it's not right. It will all be ok either way.
Thank you so much for all of you positive comments, I feel very appreciative of all the support. I am okay and actually feel very calm and happy with our decision. As for the people who question my decision, my husband and I are a team, yes it's my body but he is my team mate and we do things together, so he is apart of my decisions in life as I am in his life ? . Also with the people that state maybe I go through adoption. Pregnancy for me is very mentally, physically a sick and medically hard and scary thing to go through which was one of the reasons for the termination. I am disregarding those comments as it shows you are not offering moral support or even any thought as to how hard this decision is to make for anyone as it is a personal choice and it is not all about the possible baby. It is about the parents well being and the impact of them also.