For the past 18 months that my second child has been born I feel so depressed, so drained and just hopless.
These 18 months have been my tester, I have 2 beautiful children who I love more than anything in life but feel like I'm failing them.
On many occasions I've thought about how much easier there lives and there fathers life would be without me in it. Thoughts I never want to think again.
My head is messed up, every bit of anger I feel I take out on my fiancé, arguments start over nothing and my mind blows up and I loose control and I can't handle the nasty words I say and the things I do.
Im sick of cooking and cleaning and chasing after 2 kids all day, all I want to do is stay in bed and sleep my days away.
I feel like a failure by asking for help!
I hate that my 3 year old sees and hears the way I speak to her dad but when it's happening I can't control it, I don't want her growing up in a family where her parents are always fighting and my kids think that's the norm. And my fiancé sure as hell doesn't deserve the crap im putting him through.
i don't know my question but needed to get this out because I have no one to talk to that undertands my messed up head.
Depression taking over.
Depression taking over.
Posted in:
Mental Health, Post Natal Depression, Anxiety & Depression
3 Replies
My heart goes out to you. Its really tough being a mum and sometimes the everyday grind isnt what we expected our lives to be. This time is probably the hardest part of parenting ( in my experience) as the kids are completely dependent on you in every way and its draining. Please know that each day they grow a little and that it DOES get easier and better. There is light at the end of the tunnel!
However from reading this i really think you could benefit from some outside help. Take yourself off to a gp and tell them all of this (or show them if you cant manage the words) ask for a referral to a counsellor or psychologist (the first six sessions are bulk billed) as you could really do with talking this out with a professional.
I know it can seem daunting and scary but its so very common for mums to get overwhelmed and you can feel better! Please take my advice and talk to a doctor, i wish you all the best x
I'm assuming you are seeing your doctor and psychologist regularly for support? If not it's really time to get on to that. Depression can sometimes make it seem like a failure to ask for help, but it's not. It's the most courageous thing you will do for you, your babies and your fiancé. Many thousands of women have been where you are and needed to ask for help, it's not a failing it can be a normal part of being a mum for a lot of women. None of us can do it alone. Majority of us need support and help from outside forces.
Your kids need you and your fiancé needs you. Do what you have to do to lighten your load, daycare, doctors, meds, counselling.
Oh wow! This could've been me posting this!! Until 3 months ago when I finally spiraled into a dark place & sought medical help. I was prescribed anti depressents & seriously was the best thing I've ever done. I calmed right down, stopped screaming at the kids & hubby so much & just feel way happier. Please if you haven't already seen your doctor, please go. My hubby doesn't believe depression exists, but it took him saying he'd had enough for me to realise how bad things were. My doctor made me realize that running away from my kids was not the best option & that drugs were not the evil
I believed them to be. Pnd is an absolute bitch & it truly sounds like you are suffering from it. Big hugs mama, you are taking the right steps to rectifying this xxx