Does birth and life trauma go away ever?

With time comes healing they say ... birth trauma not going away! This is a long one so bear with me please..

Beautiful sisters ... I am dealing with some confusion and anguish beyond what I can handle... I know I'm not the only one ..I know I am not alone but I do feel very alone and very much like a piece of fine bone china ... Delicate and fragile- if handled too roughly I'll chip and break rendering me quite useless. I want to share with you all some things, some emotional sh*t if you will that is weighing me down. I want to remove this muck and unfortunate depressive happenings from my life. I am looking for most likely a miracle..I'm not exactly sure what I am asking for..

3 yrs ago I bought a beautiful baby boy into this world, with my pregnancy something that most thought they could wish for. Baby boy was born early- requiring emergency c section resulting in him being incubated, tube fed, and slight jaundice. The reason behind early birth: major rupture to placenta due to full placenta previa. I ended up with a few blood transfusions,an extended hospital stay, hysterectomy (overies intact) , postnatal depression, and scaring from belly button to pubic bone (just to name a few).
I did not get to bond with my baby nor hold him for a long period of time. The Ped and nurses fought in front of me over his care , change of shifts came and went and each new nurse/s took great pleasure in trying to ensure I was up and out of bed not even 12 hours after my hysterectomy. This may be standard practice but I was not physically capable - they treated me like a naughty child because of this;my need for morphine and the likes displeased them and they were vocal about it.

Fast forward to the present : my sister is looking to move in with her long term bf, my brother is seeking alternative methods to having children, my 2 best friends are having and planning more children, my other sister is recovering from a pregnancy that was not successful, 2 family members are dying, I've just been diagnosed with spine problems that are not curable and am on medication for depression . My parent has told me they do not wish to know about my problems because it makes them tired with worry and stresses them out.

I am happy that my family members are moving forward in their lives and are doing so with great determination. I am sad that my best friends are adding to their families and so very jealous and hurting right now over their ability to create human lives and carry them beautiful babies, I am angry at the world for this also, but mostly disgusted in myself. Previous decisions when younger did not help the end result of my darling boys birth. I am sad and in a bit of a limbo state surrounding my dying family members- I feel I am not ready to let them go( this I know is selfish). I am at a loss as to where I can draw inner strength from at the moment and finding coping tools that work for me are proving difficult ... Please help sisterhood I'm desperate.