I know "breast is best" but I feel guilty for feeling this way because I HATE breast feeding and I know it's selfish.
My LO is 5 weeks old and we've been exclusively BF and had no problems with supply or latching on but..
I hate smelling like milk all the time, or worrying about leaking through my shirt. I hate wearing breast pads!
I hate that it makes every outing a major event- Dropping my 4 year old at Kindy before 9am is rare these days!
I hate pumping milk-- I feel like a cow!
I hate that breastfed babies eat more often and therefore sleep shorter amounts.
I hate how much it coops me up in this house, because I simply don't want to deal with pumping milk for someone to watch her or nursing in public. I wish I was more comfortable with either but I can't help that I'm not.
Ughhh. Okay, I feel a little better. I know breast milk is the best thing for my baby and I've promised myself I would stick with it at least 6 months so.. That is the ONLY reason I'm doing it- for her health. I don't love it, I don't find it beautiful, I just want her to be healthy.
Not really sure what I'm asking more just how I'm feeling at the moment!
11 Replies
Breast milk is better than formular, but that doesn't mean that breastfeeding is the best thing for you and your child.
I struggled to breastfeed for the first few months, but I continued through it and I ended up loving it. My son stopped himself when he was a year, and I'm hoping to breastfeed my next longer. Because that is what is best for myself and my family.
My sister in law couldn't get her daughter to latch, so she's pumping. Because that is what is best for her and her daughter.
And many of my friends and family went straight to formula. Because that was what was best for them and their children.
Breast milk might be nutritionally better, but that doesn't automatically mean that breast is best.
Give yourself a pat on the back for the hard work you've already done, and decide if continuing is best for your family. Breastfeeding is hard work, and isn't what is right for everyone.
And if you decide to stop, you are not harming your child or impacting her health. She'll be fine with whatever you decide.
Don't be so tough on yourself. I'm breastfeeding mamma and I applaude you for being so honest. There is no shame in formula feeding if that is better for your own mental health. A happy mummy = a happy baby.
Have you got some breastfeeding friendly tops you can wear to make nursing in public easier. Some tops make it very descrite and ppl wouldn't even know your feeding, it just looks like your holding the baby. The more you do it the easier it becomes. Do u know anyone else feeding, strength in numbers, maybe start at a friends house and work your way up to public. I barely left the house in those early weeks. A baby carrier was a god send for those school pickups/drop offs.
I despise pumping, I rarely do it. I have lots of ppl asking my to pump so I can leave my baby. It doesn't bother me putting my life on hold for the first 9-12mths. Well it's pretty much been 6yrs now after feeding 4 kids, youngest is 7months.
I choose to breastfeed and not go down the bottle/formula path, mainly because I'm busy enough a it is and to add washing/sterilizing bottles to the list is just too much. Milk on tap is much easier for me, baby's hungry I just wip out the boob. But Your baby is only very little and it's pretty normal to be feeding often even for a formula baby, your milk supply will adjust in time and you won't leak or need breastpads forever. But it's totally ok to not want to do it, it's your prerogative, there are plenty of healthy formula fed babies.
I hope I don't sound like a breastfeeding nazi, I am certainly pro breastfeeding but I understand that it's not everyone's cup of tea. It's still very early days, you've just had a baby, and have a 4yr old at home your doing wonderful mamma.
If you hate it, seriously stop doing it. I wished I'd followed my own advice sooner. Id be in tears everytime I fed, because I just didn't enjoy it at all. It didn't feel bonding at all, it felt like I had a sucker fish attached to me!!!
Soon as I switched to bottle I was happier and my son was happier.
I could have written this myself. Exactly word for word. Same goal 6-8 months, I'm at 3 months and every day I hate it a little more. It's amazing what we will do. There is no shame in formula if that is what you decide is best for your family. Amazing effort to get as far as you have.
I understand how you feel. It is also still very early days when bub is so little they take an AGE to feed and then they hit a growth spurt and you're feeding all the time and nothing is getting done and it sucks.
But it does get better for most of us. Baby starts to stretch out the time between feeds, she gets a little quicker at it. Your breasts adjust and don't make so much and you don't leak all the time. It feels less like a chore and a bit easier.
Sometimes it doesn't get easier though, and I think you need to be realistic and in tune with how you're feeling.
I suggest you don't focus on the 6 month mark right now. Focus on 6 weeks, then 8, then 12. If by 12 weeks it's not starting to feel better, maybe consider mix feeding or something. Yes, breast is supposed to be best but you need to balance your well being with your baby's. If you're not okay then it is important to recognize that and take care of you too.
It does get a lot easier. I found that by about 3 months they were feeding within 5 mins, let down and leaking boobs settled too and it became second nature and suddenly not so hard anymore :)
Some babies can't be breastfed and go pretty much straight onto formula, my son was one of these as at three weeks it was found my milk was no good and he's disgustingly healthy so not having breast is not the end of the world. Breast is cheap, formula is not. Breast is fast, formula is not. Breast requires little maintenance, formula is high maintenance (well bottles are). If you can afford formula and don't mind paying for it, putting in the time for cleaning, sterilizing and heating then go for it, do you really want to look back at the first 6 months of your lovely babies life and have it marred by hating feeding her?
I mix feed. Formula when I feel like it, breastfeed at home at naps bedtime, through the night. Works best for me.
The best advise I got from my midwife when I had my last baby was.......There's more to being a mum than breast feeding. Lots of love to you mumma X
Not saying you have to breastfeed BUT sounds like you just need to relax a little. I breastfeed and don't ever pump. Nurse in public without flashing myself and stopped leaking after a couple of months. If you give it a little longer it gets so quick and easy. Confused by the going out being an effort though? Much more effort to take bottles out, sterilise etc. I also know many formula fed babies that don't sleep any longer, so don't get your hopes up on that!
I wanted to breast feed but I had major lack of milk and kids that just didn't latch on properly. My first I lasted 2 weeks with her screaming for feeds every 60-90 minutes. She nawed my nipples so they were so cracked and painful and bleeding. I ended up with mastitis. I only pushed on for 2 weeks cos the midwives were bullies about it and I was young and a new mum. I finally decided fuck this and put her on the bottle. Best thing ever! She stopped screaming and started sleeping! She was getting enough from the bottle! My 2nd I lasted 6 days and things started heading badly so I switched straight over. My 3 Rd I lasted less than 24 hrs before it shit me so badly cos he had been on the boob bout 7 times in 4 hours so I threw him straight on the bottle. I wish things had of been different but they weren't and I don't regret changing to the bottle either!