Hay lovely ladies,
I am not sure where to begin. Just over a year ago my husband of 11 years left me while I was pregnant with our third child. The children and I are doing our best to keep up with our usual routines of school, work and such but as time goes on I find there are times that I just seem to break and I guess my question is how do I cope?
I am trying my hardest to keep a clean house and keep on top of it all but I find myself getting overwhelmed and run down with doing the same things over and over every day. Something as simple as loading the dishwasher every night now seems to bring me to tears. I just had a melt down at my 10 year old for not cleaning his room. (ie why does he have to wait until I am an irate screaming banchee before they listen to me). I am just so tired and feel I am struggling with the routine of it all and if I am feeling like this after only 12 months I am scared I may not be able to cope in the future. So please if any of you have been through something similar and found opine strategies please can you let me know.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
4 Replies
Actually it gets easier. As your baby gets older and less dependent and you start to let the little stuff not seem like a big deal. So what if things aren't exactly as tidy or neat.
It's very possible you'd be screaming like a banshee to get stuff done if your husband hadn't left. Kids do that!
Give yourself a break, rather than loading the dishwasher, have a bath or give yourself a facial. Break the routine.
Yeah routine can be important but it sounds like it's time to shake things up a little. Catch your breath and then make the kids load it!
Sounds like you need to do some work in actually moving forward.
Have you seen a counsellor? Try a psychologist or find a local free therapist for women.
There are things you can do to help you take the steps to get to a healthy place. My counselling helped me enormously.
Oh yea. The screaming banshee. I miss her...
i.e: it does get easier.
Every single mum has been there. It's emotionally, physically and mentally draining. I have certain things I HAVE to do that couldn't wait (e.g. The dishes) but the folding of the laundry can wait and I'd make sure I had some me time. Go for a walk. Read a book. Watch some tv.
I trained my kids to do stuff all on their own. They were like soldiers. They made their own lunches for school, they did the dishes, they emptied the bins, they vacuumed. Basically they did anything that didn't require harsh chemicals. I did everything else and the lawn. In the end I payed a man to do that.
Then I went one step further and once a week I had a cleaner come clean the house. Even if they just did the shitty jobs like the bathroom I was ecstatic. It was heavenly to get home from work on a Friday to a clean house! Eventually the banshee didn't show up much. She still does though - every now and then...
I don't know what your finances are like but it's worth considering.
Train your kids. Leave the little stuff and have some you time. It's going to be soooooo hard with a baby to do anything. You time for you might be having a shower with no one else in the room. If you have anyone that is able to babysit once a week - even for an hour. Ask for help. It's ok to ask for help.
Hugs xx
Things do get better. Mix it up when you can. Get out in the eve and eat hot chips in the park so you don't have to load the dishwasher.
It's been 10 months for me and I get those days. I take magnesium, vitimin B supplements and St. John's wort etc to try and balance out the sudden feeling of overwhelming fear. But I wouldn't go back for anything. Hang in there x