My marriage of 15 years ended last year, my ex was the only one I'd ever had sex with. I mostly enjoyed yt and thought I orgasmed fairly regularly.
I have since started sleeping with another person, who is becoming frustrated that 'i haven't orgasmed'. Now I'm starting to question weather I have ever actually orgasmed. I get to the point where I have spasms/jerks of pleasure, but that's it. I thought that was orgasming. I've never got to the point of screaming with pleasure or 'squirting' like he's expecting me to. He's really trying, but sex (oral/fingers/intercorse) is taking so long, because he really is trying to 'get me off', that I start loosing interest.
I think I'm broken . . . . . .
Any advice?
18 Replies
You need to be honest with you about what you like. I can imagine him just trying for this moment hes expecting is probably not really enjoyable.
Squirting is not an overly common thing. I can tell you now I have never screamed before,during or after an orgasm but I have most definitely had them!
Honestly majority of women don't squirt. And not everyone screams with pleasure. Especially if you are the type of person who has practiced being quiet so you didn't wake the kids. He sounds like he has unrealistic expectations when it comes to squirting. Plus if he is used to women putting on a 'vocal performance' for him as that's what they have heard in porn.
And not everyone will orgasm from penetration. Personally 99% of the time I only orgasm by clitoral stimulation.
What happens when you masturbate? Personally I'd self service for awhile, see what you can find out? Pour yourself a drink, read a sexy book or watch a sexy movie and see where things take you.
'Squirters' are actually genuinely rare.
Orgasm by penile stimulation is also equally rare. And BTW you can squirt come or whatever without a full earth shattering mind blowing Orgasm.
Sounds like he has never actually made a woman orgasm or cum.....and only has porn and women faking it as a reference....
Because truth is they don't 'scream' even screamers its a really long slow low growl/groan.
Exactly
Agree. Sounds like his only reference is porn - which is so off the mark it's embarrassing. Time for some honest open communication about 'making love' vs 'porn sex'
Porn really misleads men!
Most women dont squirt, i certainly never have. Yes you have orgasmed, and your current partner needs to be happy with that or hit the road!
You would know if you have had an orgasm so I'd say you probably haven't. Leading up to an orgasm is like a build up of pressure, if that pressure never "explodes" then you haven't had an orgasm. Also during an orgasm if you put your fingers inside yourself it will be pulsing every few seconds. The best way to find out is by practising on yourself.
I don't orgasm unless my clit is always stimulated.. I have worked out how to do it so I do orgasm all the time. I also have only squirted twice and I honestly can say I never want to do it again it feels yuck.... he has the problem not you
Its not porn or a movie!
Your orgasm sounds like my orgasms are. So if you're broken , so am I !
I have never squirted and I think a very very small amount of women do.
And screaming well that is all for show I think ! Feed a mans ego!
All sounds perfectly normal to me. He needs to stop comparing you to porn or to other women he may have experienced.
He is making your experience about him. You need to behave in a way that makes him feel like a god? Run. A. Way. Narcissism at its finest.
I am so very lucky. My husband is the most generous, patience lover ever. He is so concerned about my pleasure as well as his own and I thank him so much for that. I thought when I was 15 and first having sex that I was having multiple orgasms during sex little did I know that it wasn't until I was 18 and got my first virbrator what an actual orgasm was. Then I realised that the feeling you described and I thought weren't orgasms at all just feeling pleasure. Then I realised that no man before my husband and ever my husband has ever made or orgasm through sex and that's not the end of the world. I orgasm now with my husband but through clit stimulation either with my fingers or virbrator and this ways perfectly for us. So my advice is get a virbrator, use it and feel what it is like to orgasm then do your research and find what you like by yourself and during sex and find out how you can get that feeling during sex. If you find you can't orgasm during my sex use help as I do. It's still very pleasurable and I would rather have sex with my husband and use small virbrator for clit stimulation then use dildo by myself. Good luck.
Honestly he needs to be told porn isn't a fair representation of what a real woman's orgasm looks like and if the women he's slept with till now act that way, they where faking it. Your defiantly not broken
Not everyone squirts and many guys seem to think peeing during intercourse is not pee but squirting female ejaculation. I just think it's pee and they have no idea what their on about. Orgasming for me goes through three stages and if position is changed at all it stops. A finished orgasm is the end. Like after it doesn't feel good anymore and your no longer horny. If you haven't ended and been finished that might be what he's meaning.
Porn isn't real. Sound like he has been watching it too much. Invest in a sex toy and experiment your self. Orgasm to me feel like a build up,up, up... Aaaahhhhhhh. That ahhhhh part is when you are jerking and spasming. I don't scream, it's just a relieved, groan/growl. You sound normal, he needs to let you enjoy it and get some toys to use together. If he gets offended he can't make you scream he is childish and it isn't your fault!
For myself I know there is no chance of me having an orgasm if I am not emotionally connected to the other person, maybe you need a deeper emotional connection to be able to.
We all work in weird and wonderful ways, if you aren't comfortable with all the pressure, step back a bit, it should be fun, not a task.
My orgasms are exactly like yours (or what you've described anyway lol). I don't squirt but my orgasms feel f***ing mind blowing! Speak to him, explain to him that your not a squirter and that your orgasms feel incredible as they are. Maybe he's had females fake it in the past and is just worried? To be honest though, he WANTS to pleasure you... That's not a bad thing. A lot of men are only interested in getting theselves off.
Whether it's an orgasm or not I think the main thing here is that he isn't making you feel satisfied and complete. He has you questioning yourself and that's not good for a relationship.
I was seeing someone who thought I was too wild and he tried to tone me down and show me a gentler side (yes my previous one had been very wild and primative at times so I was used to that). But I also found he had me questioning myself and manipulating me to change into what he wanted.
I have since met someone else who makes me feel amazing both in the bedroom and out and whilst we both have our issues we both make each other feel good and we accept each other for what we are. He has a smaller penis, I have an inverted nipple, excess hair and other things but it doesn't bother either of us when we are together and we don't compare to anything. We uplift each other and see through our faults and guide each other into learning what we like and that's how its supposed to be.