I have so much hatred in me. Hatred for my ex. I hate him more than I loved him. I hate how he treated me the lies the cheating the abuse. I hate how he tried to kill my unborn child by hurting me. I hate how he took my life away my money my dignity my soul. I hate the bag under my eye from it being bruised and swollen. I hate how he found someone else right after me and had her move in to our home. I hate that she is young teenage young and has a better body than me no mummy tummy. I hate how this bitch death stairs me in court supporting the man who is the devil. And I hate that he is living his life and I'm struggling. He took my job my hobbies and he still has his cars his job etc and I'm scraping through. I hate that I have had to skip town because of being so scared. He has never made contact for my baby and I'm so thank full he hasn't but I hate how he has shown he really didn't want her and doesn't care about her like he always said it makes me sick. How do i tell her this later in life! How could he not want her but love his first daughter (not mine). I hate that I can't get my avo finalized and in the mean time he tried to shoot a mate of his. And the police aren't doing much.
As you can tell I'm so angry I don't know how to let it go. It's doing my head in. Its been a year and I thought I would be okay now. I use to be such a peaceful person.
How to let go of hatred
How to let go of hatred
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Loss & Grief, Behaviour
4 Replies
I was a peaceful, happy person too. I know how you feel. 2 years on for me and I still feel hatred but not as much. I didnt see a therapist, or anyone. I took my kids and moved interstate. I left all my family and friends and my life behind..because he was stalking us, threatening us and cops didnt do much. Court case after court case, he always got off. We were in a refuge, he breached all his AVOs and still till this day he is free and living the high life with his 20 year younger woman, with her own children. He took everything I had too. Even our passports, birth certificates and all my ID. I have been away with our children for almost 2 years. Although, Isolated from my loved ones, life is much better and easier. I hate him because my family is so far away. Only a plane ride, but we see each other once every 4 months, 3x a year. I use to see them at least twice a week. I have a massive family and we are all close. I hate him of this reason. I forgave him for the abuse, the scars, the pain and everything he put our children and I through, Now I just hate him because Im alone, & to keep my children safe, we had to move. I hate him because I cant just go to my mums house and chat and have a cup of coffee. I hate him because I miss important occasions, birthdays etc I cant visit my family without feeling scared, always looking over my shoulder and dreading bumping into him everytime the plane lands in my familys state (where he lives) I hope I will be able to forgive him for driving me to leave my family, but its hard..Im happy where I am but Im also very lonely. I have a house, a job, kids are great, in school but no one around for us. No physical support.
I hope, in time, you will overcome your hatred for him. Try to look forward to your future and just keep holding on. I sometimes wish he would just be jailed or dead so I could return home but I dont want to be that kind of person. It takes time. Just dont give up, stay strong and believe your happy ending will come. My family visits me now, instead of me going there, its getting better.
It never really goes away entirely even with endless therapies.
Its going to sound nuts but its a daily process of forgiveness, of letting go of it thst it doesnt eat us and destroy us further.
11 years later I am back in court after having little to nothing to do with the man for years. It is no easier.
Grattitude. I had a lit of anger and resentment towards someone and over time I knew I needed to change as it was affecting my whole life in a negative way and it seemed the Universe was giving more negative things because my focus was purely negative. You have to step back. Take a big breath and be grateful for what you have. The negative thoughts will keep popping up, accept it and counter act with something you are grateful for it could be as simple as "it's a beautiful day" bringing small positives in your life will allow more positives to come and more things to be grateful for. You can still dislike him but in time you will realise that you just don't need to be around or give thought to someone of that nature. I was becoming a horrible person and then I became grateful for the experience because I have really dug deep spiritually and realised who I really am and what I want from my life. Things are getting better and life is getting on track again. It may sound silly and I would of that I was a crack pot but this shit really does work and I am starting to be a better mother, wife, friend and I am starting to like myself again. Gratitude. It bloody works.
This sounds like me a few years ago. I to had a daughter with a man like that. He has only seen her a handful of times. I'm now with someone else so will be in the same shoes one day of telling her about the biological person. He to moved in a younger girl soon as I left. It was hard for so long. I was affected for such a long time. As the saying goes time does heal.
Get some fresh air, go walking with your little baby. Smile often. Put on music and dance be silly. Don't let him ruin your new fresh life. You are away, your baby is away. One day you will enjoy life again. Take it one day at a time. And just breath everything will be ok in the end it will work out. I hope you will be ok :)