Hi no judging please as it is a sensitive topic. I'm going to be vague about some details as many of the details would identify who I am.
My partner and I have been together for quite a while and a little bit before we got together officially (we were seeing each other while it happened) he had sex with a lady who was in a relationship with another woman. They both wanted a child and she had received another deposit from another man two weeks before my partner had sex with her. There was no legal documents stating that this was a sperm donation only and that he was not to be involved with the child or be financially responsible. I tried for the whole nine months to get them to sign official documents that I created with the help of a lawyer. The child was born two weeks before the due date as the doctors struggled to figure out when the due date actually was due to the baby being small. When the child was born we cut contact with the couple ( I did not feel comfortable with continuing communication with this couple). And no dna tests have been done. A person who knows about the situation has commented that the child resembles my partner in some of the photos but not others. Throughout the pregnancy I supported the couple but started to distance my self as I started to get uncomfortable with the situation as both my partner and the woman were agreeing to in the future maybe have more children. I finally had a nervous break down a few weeks before the Bub was due to a near death experience going to see the couple and cut contact a few weeks after the Bub was born. The child is always in my mind and I get so paranoid and anxious when the couple contact me and try and engage a catch up ( I haven't met the child since it was born). I've always thought of sneaking a DNA test to see if it is his but that is wrong but just the idea makes me sick to the stomach and so anxious.
I just want advice on what to do on how to move on from the fear that they will turn around and demand a dna test and make him pay child support.
2 Replies
I think you're in a really really shit position and its your partners fault. He did this while seeing you. He agreed to more in future without consulting you or considering impacts onyou and your future family?
He isn't covering himself financially leaving you worrying about what ifs. He sounds so immature selfish and lacking in ability to adult or parent or partner are you sure choosing to be in this and doing all this hurt and damage to yourself is worthwhile?
This is your partners responsibility not yours. You have some tough choices to make. Your partner needs to step up, get a DNA test through the courts.
They should not be contacting you at all, they should be contacting him!
I would honestly not be in this relationship. Your partner seems to be living in lala land and not getting a DNA test just screams of immaturity. Plus the planning on more kids without discussing with you is just disgusting.
Personally I don't think this relationship is worth the psychological distress it's causing you. Leave them to there weird little games and get on with your life. You can do better and deserve better.