What would you do if you found out someone very close to you was (many many years ago) a pedaphile (towards one person)? I don't Know what to do or think. I don't want to confront anyone. I see a psychologist, so I'll bring it up with him, but I honestly don't know how to deal with it or what to think. I don't want to lose this person from my life.
9 Replies
I would be disgusted and cut contact if he is around my children. Pedophiles aren't just pedophiles one time. its hardwired into their brain. They are sexually attracted to children, it's just who they are.
Id cut contact.
I can't even be friends with guys who make sexual comments (bad jokes) about teenagers. It makes my stomach churn.
Id cut contact my kids would be nowhere near him ever. They're too precious to risk on a dangerous trust exercise, ignoring facts for blind hope because you dont want to lose your love .
Id also question how he got to be someone very close to you before you found this out. ' you wouldnt have given him a chance?' Manipulative!!!
You might not feel it but you do want to lose that person from your life. I'm that one person, the one abused many, many years ago and supposedly the only one. I couldn't imagine having anything to do with a person that made me feel the way I did before I finally sought help in my thirties, made me want to kill myself as often as I did, made me cut myself, hate myself, not value myself, made me hate sex, repel intimacy and affection. If they had it in them to do that to one person, it's one too many.
He's my grandfather and the only relative I talk to. I stumbled across something and I'm mortified.
I'm sure it's a shock, something someone said to me hit home. You know of one victim, there is most likely more you have no idea about, didn't come forward etc.
I dont think it matters who i would not have my chidren around him. I hope your psychologist gives you some useful ways to manage your felings and your relationship with him.
Hi I found out my father was inappropriate with my Aunty over 25yrs ago, my father got all the help he needed back then and raised my sister and I to the best what any parent could do, I had a great childhood and our Aunty was always around for family gatherings ! The inappropriate behaviour was brought back up a few years back when we had death in family, going threw grief and finding somthing so shocking out was so hard I never would of thought that of my dad... My advise is let the past be the past and every situation is different, but don't judge and be cautious it's hard finding out the truth some things are best keeped secret but it you feel in anyway unconforable then I say break contact with your grandfather but really depends on the situation.. Good luck stay positive xx
I am the one person who was abused by my father at the age of 12 and as I kept this from my family I still have contact with him on a semi-regular basis. He was abused as a child as well and used alcohol & substance abuse to escape his issues, this is when the abuse occurred. I have spent years trying to understand how I can have a relationship with him after everything but sometimes there is not a simple answer (so I of course spend sometime seeing a psycologist to help me to understand myself). I certainly don't have the relationship with him my siblings do, and while I doubt he would reoffend I will not leave my children in his care and I watch him closely. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think it is possible if you really want to have a relationship to continue to do so but do it with your eyes open and your children's best interest in mind. Best of luck with your decision.