I'm going to lose everything ....
I have 1 child to my current partner & 2 to my ex .... I am a good mother who always puts my children first !!
I have had a lot of stress going on , chucked on top of a newish baby !!
My partner was an ice addict when I met him ... I didn't understand the power of the drug !!
He was a wonderful Bloke - even with the drug use (I still don't know when or how much)
He was clean for at least 12 months when we decided to have a baby !!
He lapsed ... (I have written in here before) ... Everybody told me to leave ... I stuck with him !!
Things have been ok but I'm still stressed , don't trust him , have anxiety attracts when he go's some where alone !!
We had a stupid fight over meaningless shit ... I was at breaking point and packed up the kids ... We have been with family for a week !!
I thought I could do it ... I was regaining myself & getting control of the situation back !! My kids are begging to go home ... But I thought what I was doing was best !!
My friends have said if I go back they won't support me ... They've said I deserve better and need to get myself sorted - I've lost a fair amount of weight due to stress !! I actually look like an ice user myself but wouldn't touch drugs if it was going to save my life !!
I want my family back ... But do I risk losing everything for the same issues to possibly pop up again ... Or do I risk losing my family to always have a what if in the back of my mind !! What if he does put in 100% and it works ?? I feel like I owe him & us a chance !! But if I do that I'll lose all support & friends !!
I'm no angel ... I can be a hard bitch to live with , we have t got where we are just on his behalf !! Theres always 2 that tango !!
If he was actually a horrid person I could just walk away no questions asked ... But he's not !!
I'm fucking gutted , confused , hurt , torn between my head & my heart !!
I do not want to jeopardise my children , and will not let that happen !!
Do I give it one final try ... While cutting myself off ??
Obviously if it doesn't work I'll pick up the pieces myself ... There's no harm in trying right ???
7 Replies
Why don't you just stay with family & tell him once & if he proves himself you will come home. Instead of going back & then getting better. Stay where you are safe, with family support & give him the chance to change by himself. If he really wants you he will do it. If he doesn't it will hurt but it wouldn't of worked anyway.
Ice is a dangerous drug & it can make people do things they wouldn't do if not on it. Don't go back, make him prove himself.
This is exactly what I was going to say . If he's really truly ready to change his habit he needs to do the work first !!! This will require you to be super patient and super strong because it's going to be hard . Do some research into drug addiction. And find out for yourself what it takes to actually get off the drug and break an addiction . It is NOT a short term thing . Addicts will be addicts for life . I know a few and those that have managed to get away from it have come to terms with this fact and realize they will ALWAYS have to work at staying away . Unless he's at this point his chances of relapse are extremely high . He needs professional help . A long term addiction can not be felt with alone !!! AND he needs to prove it . Not just say it but really prove it . He has to be willing to work to regain your trust or you just won't , your problems will be the same because you will question his every move he will feel the mid trust and tension and that will cause him to want yo self medicate .
You NEED your friends and your family . Don't risk losing them . Let him prove himself to you and your friends and family first THEN consider going back .
What your feeling is grief and loss of the what if I'm wrong what if it can be as it once was . But in my opinion it's already too late for that . Your relationship won't be the same again and maybe you can 'manage' the relationship again for a while but unless you are both working to change it , actively , it'll be a big cycle . :( get yourself some counseling ! Maybe from a service that deals with families of addicts as they may have some great advice and know just what your dealing with emotionally ! Good luck Hun! Your on a hard road but it's a much healthier one xox
Your kids don't know what they are asking for! They don't understand, and that's great! They are children and its YOUR job to continue to protect them and keep them safe from an ice user.
Your friends and family are right, you should not go back. In fact if you do go back you can loose your children. Do you want your kids to end up in foster care because you went back to an ice user??? Because it happens.
Your kids need you to be strong and not give in to there request at this point, because they are children and are CLUELESS!
You sound like you want to do everything I would give it one last shot he needs help he has to want that its a hard one get help together of course your hard to love with look what you have to put up with I think your amazing and until your friends walk in your shoes they will never know goodluck dear
Ice has also ruined my family members life. The pull back to it is way too hard to overcome. I would suggest rehab for at least 3 months. They actually recommend 12 months however with ice addicts. In Qld they are really hard to get in too (public and private clinics) but absolutely try. The hard thing is your partner has to be the one who calls and makes the step to get better.
Personally for me...I wouldn't take my kids back into that situation. Ice addicts are very dangerous. Make your partner get clean and then see what happens.
As for your family and friends - I understand their anger and frustration. I too have thrown my hands in the air and said - what the fuck do I do now.
If I could only give you one peice of advice it would be...the drug user must be ready and willing to get help. There's a big difference between saying it and doing it. Getting off Ice is a tough task. They need to be mentally strong enough to complete the rehab programs. You can't do it for them.
Good luck xx
As your children's mother it is your responsibility to provide them with a safe environment. Living with a drug addiction is not safe. If you keep going back you risk having your children removed. All it takes is one frustrated friend to call DOCS and you will be investigated.
Your children will miss their Dad, that's a given, but they will thank you in the long run for keeping them safe.
Agreed! If you go back willingly exposing your children to a drug addict you really may lose everything including custody of your children. Is any man or relationship worth that?