So me and my partner have recently split, we have a baby whos is 14 weeks old, she is fully breastfeed. He is asking for 50/50 share care already, with bub been so young i don't feel like its whats in the best interest for her right now. He is been very pushy to make me bottle feed her so he can have her. I have been telling him he can see bub whenever he likes and that i will even drop her off for a few hours everyday. Am i been unreasonable and has anyone else been in a similar situation before?
20 Replies
You are being really fair, that's all he'd get in mediation or court with a new born. Luckily my ex was understanding, but I'd also received legal advice to say the same thing a d he knew that, so he knew I was t going to be pushed around.
You are right. Stand firm. Tell him he doesnt get 50/50 anyway so he can stop about the bottle feeding.
And he needs to start thinking about whats best for the baby, not himself.
No you're not being unreasonable. As lon as access is fair and consistent then he shouldn't be pushing a move to bottles. Continue being fair and consistent and doing what's best for the baby.
No you are being completely fair and reasonable. And a court will never assign 50/50 to a baby that young so stand firm until you feel she is old enough. A baby that young needs a primary care giver to feel safe and sleep well to grow properly. Plus 14 week olds are usually waking a few times in the night and really they only want their mum and the boob. Take the baby to see him every day for a few hours like you said and when she is old enough to eat normal food for dinner etc then by all means 50/50 it up
You are not being unreasonable at all. 50/50 for a 14 week old is not what's best. Don't give up breastfeeding due to pressure from anyone. If it's going well that is absolutely what's best for Bub.
50/50 is unreasonable yes.
But is their any reason you cant express and give him boob bottles for the baby so baby can spend a whole day with dad rather than just a few hours?
Im a sole mother and my sons father has nothing to do with him at all but I'm all for Father's rights.
I do think you are being unreasonable.
There is no reason you shouldn't be able to express and give it to the dad to feed.
I actually think 50/50 is reasonable. If you were living together you'd let him help out for more than just a few hours but because you aren't together your not wanting him or allowing him to have a more active part...
I read this as you not wanting to seperare from bubs (yes it's understandable for new mums to want to be close to their kiddies), my personal opinion is that it is terrible you are limiting him seeing his child to a few hours/whenever he likes when there are alternatives (eg: expressing your milk). He should be allowed to have the child overnight or all day.
Here is a father who wants to do MORE but is being told no.
If this post was about him only seeing his kid for a few hours, not having the kid overnight and not doing anything else for them then everyone would rag on him and say how pathetic but when it's the mum saying I'll only allow a few hours at a time then everyone jumps on her band wagon saying oh how unreasonable is this guy being. Talk about double standards!
Far out youre comparing two different things. A newborn and grown children. There is no double standard it is just different for different ages, for good reason.
No, I am comparing a mother complaining that the father won't do more with the child as oppose a mother who is complaining that the father wants to do more with their child. (Which this woman is complaining the father wants to do more!)
I never mentioned the age of the kids.
And yes I do believe it is important for the dad to be involved completely (bath, feeds, play) which this mother is stopping part of that.
She has an alternative to express (no one has said to put the child on formula) but she won't do it. The child would still be getting her breastmilk.
Enjoy your belief.
I back the original comment made. Its unreasonable. She CAN express and allow the father to bond and enjoy the young child too.
If shes so paranoid in not being away from the child, allow the father to sleep at her place and allow him to do overnight feeds of bm from a bottle. This dad wants in. This mother is pushing him out
Shes not pushing him out. If she was pushing him out she wouldnt be offering to bring the baby around every day.
As for the expressing so dad has enough for 50/50 care, my god she would be feeding and expressing all day to build up a big enough supply for the father. It would be exhausting! Generally breast fed babies feed on demand and at that age it can be anything from 2 to 4 hourly and i know i had days where bubs was having growth spurts where it felt like i was feeding almost hourly! I had to try and express enough milk for four days so i could have surgery and be in hospital when my baby was that age and I really struggled to do it! Why can't dad enjoy that daily time with bubs until bubs is older? Gosh a few hours a day is more than my husband got to spend with his babies some days because he was at work working his butt off to provide for his family.
This is such a stupid comment. It's not the same at all. A LOT of fathers have less than a couple of hours a day alone with a baby that young! How many dads do you know that have a new baby for an entire day by themselves 3 or 4 times a week? Fucking not many except for extenuating circumstances when the mother cannot do it (or is dead).
I'm all for fathers rights but you are literally giving the father more rights than the baby. 50/50 custody is not what's best for the baby.
Fucking keyboard warrior making this mum feel bad about wanting her new baby close when it's so young
Most fathers work and only see their baby for a couple hours a day anyway! Then the mother puts the baby to bed and feeds all night because the father needs to be up for work and needs sleep. A couple of hours a day is enough
This might help...
http://www.mamamia.com.au/shared-custody-guidelines-sleepovers-to-be-avo...
The mother is so not being unreasonable!!!! I have no idea where this person who thinks a 14 week old baby should be taken from her primary carer for several days at a time gets their beliefs from?
But at the end of the day its NOT about the parents, its about whats BEST FOR THE CHILD and for a baby that young, being with their primary career is whats best. Spending time with her dad each day means dad and bub get to bond but there is no reason baby needs to be taken for several days at a time from her primary carer!
They avoid and reject all information and research and stick to their right to have an opinion that theyve pulled out of their ass ?
Hopefully this new mum has enough information to know her rights and be strong enough to put opinions and pressure aside & choose whats right for her and best for baby. It wont last long and its already a really hard and emotional time without this going on. Youre doing well op x
Organise mediation now so you have a parenting plan...its takes weeks. The waiting list is like 10 weeks plus! But its super benificial to have it all sorted and a plan in place for everyone involved.
14 weeks is way too early to do 50/50 care and you shouldn't be pressured to stop breastfeeding.
Yeah seems like he just wants 50/50 custody so he doesn't have to pay child support. No father who loves their child would want to take them away from the person they love the most at that time (their mother). I'll probably get abused but a baby loves their mum more than anyone else, they LITERALLY THINK THEY ARE ONE PERSON until they are about 5 months old. A real father who cares about their child over anything else would not even consider taking it away from its mother for an entire night.
Anyone who has any idea about infant development would know you are correct! :)